


Finding Myself In Space

by Kid_Brilliant



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Skating Rink, Awkwardness, Basically the rainbow, Blow Job in Dream, Bottom Eren Yeager, Boy x boy, Boys Love - Freeform, Dirty Dreams, Dirty Thoughts, Dream Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Gay, HellaGay!Eren, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Lemon, Lesbians, Long, Love, M/M, Music, Non-detailed Masturbation, Other, Skating, Straight!Levi, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), gays, mentions of drug use, not for long though, senior!levi, slight kink, sophomore!Eren, straight - Freeform, straight to gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-10-16
Packaged: 2018-04-13 11:20:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 73,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4519947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kid_Brilliant/pseuds/Kid_Brilliant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Riren/Ereri]<br/>Levi's been dumped by his long term girlfriend, and he's got no idea how to handle or feel about it but Hanji's got an idea! They call the coolest skating rink this side of Trost "Saturn," and maybe it's just him, but Levi's seeing stars in some brat's eyes and his world just might start revolving around Eren "Suicidal Bastard" Jaeger.<br/>~Warnings For Every Chapter They're Needed~</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Earl Grey And Ice Cream

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo, first story on here... Um, Enjoy? If you can? I dunno. I'll post regularly, don't worry. If you like, leave a comment or whatever floats your boat. A Chapter Summary will be included before each chapter in the Notes. cx Thank you! Have fun!  
> Chapter 1 Summary: Levi's dumped, Hanji comes over, Calamari ice cream, gross friendship help, and eventually Levi agrees to accompany Hanji to "Saturn."

_Levi_

"I'll be there soon, okay?" I heard her say into the receiver. I nodded, even though she couldn't see me, and hung up the phone as I sat back down on my bed.

_Fuck them both_ , I thought.  _Just fuck it._

As soon as I got home from Trost Community High School, I got a call from my girlfriend, Petra. I smiled a bit when her face lit up my screen, but frowned instantly when I heard her say, "We need to talk."

I honestly should have expected it. Petra and Oluo have been good friends for such a long time, and I was just the boyfriend.  _Ex-boyfriend_ , my subconscious reminded me. Petra and I had been dating since the end of sophomore year and right in the middle of our senior year, she fucking called me and said that she wanted to break up. I wasn't shocked. I just, for once in my life, had no idea how to go about something. It was different. It was fucking stupid. I hated not having control over a situation; any and everything could go wrong. And right now, it seemed like a lot has went wrong.  
It wasn't the fact that she dumped me, or did it over a call, or, hell, went for  _Oluo_ ; it's that I didn't really care for anyone else and I had no idea how to deal with this shit called "feelings." Sure, Hanji-

"Levi? I'm here, I brought ice cream and Earl Grey," Came her muffled voice through the front door. Tch. Speak of the devil and Hanji shall appear. I got off my bed and adjusted my t-shirt as I opened my door and looked towards my uncle's room. I nodded with affirmation to no one. I was glad Kenny wasn't home right now. He would've been too concerned with what happened. He was too damn concerned about everything. I appreciated the old man, but he had a tendency to show up when he wasn't needed. As I walked down the hallway, I peeked outside and saw Hanji's maniacal grin. My eyes widened fractionally and I slapped the window, causing her to flinch. I smirked and opened the door.

It's been awhile since I willingly called Hanji over, and it's been an even longer while since she's calmly walked into my house. That was a shocker, honestly. She sat down the groceries she bought on the kitchen island, and wrapped her fucking arms around my skull. I felt as if my brain would implode if I didn't get out of her death grip, plus I had no idea where she'd even been.  _Disgusting._

"Get off, Shitty Four Eyes!"

"It's okay, Mama-Hanji is here!"

I struggled out of her grip and smacked the right side of her head; she emitted a sound that almost made my eardrums bleed. I grabbed the comb and my phone from my back pocket to fix my hair and as I adjusted my inky-black (now) mess, I sat at one of the bar stools (damn bar stools, who makes them that tall?) while she put up groceries. I think I even smiled as she pulled out my tea and the ice cream.

"Go ahead and start talking, Short Baby." She said gently as she popped open the lid on a rocky-road container and shoved a spoon in it, sliding towards me. I shook my head, grabbing the tub of ice cream, and watched her work. I ignored her comment about my height, but not without scowling at her tall form. She was the only one I allowed to make my tea (and live after she teased me), because she knew exactly how I liked it after eight years of friendship. I sighed and tried to wrap my mind around how to explain what happened, slipping the silver spoon into my mouth. Damn, that's good ice cream. After contemplating, I settled for telling her bluntly.

"Petra broke up with me, 'cause she wanted to date Oluo." I said rather nonchalantly, surveying my nails.

"Mhm... I know that. Are you angry about it? Sad? Happy?" She looked over her shoulder at me, giving me a wary eye.

"Oi, pay attention to my tea," I demanded, narrowing my eyes. She nodded and continued, still waiting for my answer. "I don't care. Happy she's happy, I suppose."

"You don't seem happy. But that's okiee-doke, you're never happy. I know exactly how to cheer you up, though!" She looked over at me, prepared to bust with excitement.

_Oh, hell no_ , I thought. Yet another one of her hair-brained schemes to get me to be fun. I shook my head and hummed an answer. She squeals, bringing me my tea as she opens a tub of what the fuck ice cream. She sits down in the stool beside me and opens her mouth to speak.

"Before you answer," I interrupted. "What the hell kind of ice cream is that?" I point at what she's eating. She looks down at her container and grins at me, shoving a spoonful in my face.

"Taste it! It's calamari flavoured!" She yells.

"You're eating squid shit." I'm officially sick.

"Don't be a sour-puss! It tastes good!"

"It looks like the "cause of death" on your coroner's report." Tch, idiot. She pouts for a moment and eats the ice cream, smiling a happy smile as she brightens up. Sitting up on her stool, she looks at me with a wicked gleam in her big brown eyes.

"Y'know, Erwin, the guys, and I are gonna go to Saturn tomorrow..." She smirked.

"The fuck? Since when did you decide to be an astronaut?"

She cackled madly, holding her stomach and throwing her head back. I don't get what was so damn funny. I didn't hear a notorious shit joke come out of my mouth. And, last time I checked, Saturn was a planet and she wasn't an astronaut, or high. Was she?

"Saturn is the name of the skating rink downtown!" She answered, chuckling, causing me to raise an eyebrow.

"Ahahaha! You thought- You thought-" She busted into a full fit of laughter and tears threatened to spill from her eyes. I scowled and rolled my eyes as I sipped my tea. She can't blame me for not knowing, I never went downtown because of the shady neighbourhoods there. Everyone was either a drug addict or a drug dealer. I don't know about her, but I didn't want to be robbed or kidnapped and sold for crack rocks. When she finally finished dying (sounded a lot like she was), she wiped her eyes and gave me a smile.

"Saturn is a skating rink. Erwin, Eld, and Gunther usually go with me, but I can invite the squad if you want!"

"The  _squad_?"

"The squad! Our friends?! Ilse, Dita, Nanaba, Moblit, and Mike! Even Oluo and Petra!" She squawked like a madwoman. I roughly let out a breath and managed my best glare.

"Why?"

"'Cause you're a grump and you're almost never out of the house and Kenny would even approve and our friends miss hanging out and ..."  
She went into more reasons, but I tuned her out. Why would I want to go to a  _gross_  skating rink, watch  _gross_  people use  _gross_  and  _used_  skates, skating on a  _gross_ floor, and eating  _gross_  food? Tch, as if. I'd rather listen to Twenty One Pilots and eat Cheetos.

"...Cute girls and guys there... You could meet someone! C'mon, Levi! Give me three reasons why you won't" She pulled her puppy-eyes behind her huge glasses. I scoffed, getting off of the stool and putting away the ice cream.

"It's gonna be fucking nasty."

"Nope! Jean and Armin make sure it's clean! If Armin isn't thorough, I dunno what is!" She grinned triumphantly.

"No idea who they are and I doubt they measure up to my standards. Also, there's gonna be too many people."

"Nope again! Not many people know about it. It's pretty new, and a little hard to find. Besides, they don't let shady people in!" She smiled even wider. I groaned, but maybe this would stop her.

"Used skates are  _revolting._ "

"AHA! That's where I've got you!" She jumped off her stool and bolted towards the door. She swung that shit open like it was on fire and ran outside. I had half a mind to lock her outside, but she was inside with another bag in her hand before I even had time to even step. She should go out for track. She gave me a scary look as she walked back into the kitchen. She thrust the bag in my hand, smirking as she cocked her hip. I growled and opened the bag, gazing at a pair of what seemed to be black converses.

"I already have three pair of these."

"TAKE THEM OUT!" She screeched madly, jumping up and down.  _Tch._  I pulled out the[ skates,](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/1d/42/41/1d424152bf1e219fd34c1cbfde32598f.jpg) as I had come to find out. They weren't half bad, if I'm honest. But I'm still not going to go.

"So...?" She questioned, looking at me jovially.

"No."

"Levi!"

"No."

"I went through all this trouble to make you ha-"

"I didn't force you to do this."

"But I did anyways! C'mon! Why not meet a downtown cutie? I know you love bright eyes! There's a little blue-eyed blond that's basically you made over! I'm sure we'll find someone!" She was jumping for joy and squealing like a pig. And I couldn't stand the sound. She then began a prayer of pleas, begging me with big eyes.  _Not this shit._

"PleasePleasePleasePlease...!" I covered my ears to block her out, but she came up behind me and screamed louder into my ears. She knew I hated this! Damn it! My brain couldn't take this fucking torture! I pushed her away and groaned when she jumped right back.

"ALRIGHT!" Fuck! I shook my head, glaring at her.

"Yes!" She fist-pumped the air. I shook my head again, but this time was in shame and embarrassment. Oh shit... What have I gotten myself into?

"So, you're going?"

"Yes, Hanji."

"You lyin'?"

"No, Hanji."

"Promise?"

"Yeah, Hanji."

"Wanna bring the squad?"

"No, Hanji."

"Gonna go nude?"

"Yes, Han- Wait what?" I scowled for the millionth time that day as she bursted into more laughter. I pushed her down and started towards my room before she grabbed my shoulder and hugged me from behind.

"Sorry I suck. Just happy you're gonna hang with Erwin and I." She ruffled my hair a bit and let go, giving me a motherly look. I shook my head, letting my lips turn upward just slightly. Despite her antics, I loved Hanji. That's my best friend, and I know I'd be sitting in my room, listening to Nirvana and drawing if it wasn't for her. Although that doesn't sound too bad, I only do that when I'm in a slump. And right now, it's hard for me to be in a slump.  
I fixed my hair (again) and thanked her for the groceries, pep talk, and skates. She shrugged and said, "That's what friends are best at." I nodded and took her to my room.  
As she walked in, I awaited her reaction.

"Again?" She rolled her eyes at my ever-changing [bedroom](http://hgtvhome.sndimg.com/content/dam/images/hgtv/fullset/2012/6/22/0/RX-IKEA_Bedroom-Boys_s4x3.jpg.rend.hgtvcom.336.252.jpeg) colours and sat down on my bed, patting the spot next to her. "I like the new colour, honestly. But it's not colourful! Not like [mine](http://www.almrsal.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Forms-bedrooms-Girls-2015.jpg)! Let's dish about relationships!" I sat next to her and stared, waiting for to start.

"Petra is cute and all, but..."

Our conversations continued well into the night, many times ending up in crying and laughing (chuckling quietly on my part). She could go on forever, and I'm surprised she didn't, but when her boyfriend Moblit texted her, she said she had to go. She wished me a goodnight and took one of my books with her, this time it was Home To Holly Springs by Jan Karon. I yawned when I heard the front door open and close, getting out of bed. I went into the bathroom, completed my nightly routine, and changed into fresh pajamas.

Climbing into bed, I thought of what would happen tomorrow. Maybe Hanji was right; I could find someone sorta pretty. I dunno, I don't care. I went to sleep that night, thinking about the brightest pair of eyes my mind could imagine.


	2. Get Busy Living

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 Summary: This is Eren's point of view, of the same day Levi was dumped. So, Friday? Around five p.m.! Yes. Eren gets his work schedule, explains some things about Saturn, goes to work, teaches a redhead to skate, and may meet Levi. *smirky smirk*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my Gosh! Thank you all so much for your bookmarks and kudos! I honestly though no one would like it, but I was proved wrong! You guys rock, thank you so much. This chapter got a little too long for my liking, so I split it in two. Don't worry! You're getting both today, so no sorrows! However, the next chapter will be in Levi's POV. Also, that's why the names match. The quote "Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'," is from The Shawshank Redemption (Morgan Freeman said it, that wise old man!). That movie is amazing! Check it out sometime, eh? Thank you! Enjoy your stay!  
> Please enjoy!

_Eren_

I logged onto Saturn's website and typed in my information, crossing my fingers and hoping against hope that I didn't have to work this Saturday. My teeth caught my bottom lip as I looked over the schedule for this week.

"Damn!" I exclaimed, furrowing my eyebrows.  _Guess I gotta work on Saturday - Again!_  I thought, scrunching up my nose. I took a breath and texted Armin, asking if he had looked at his schedule yet. Afterwards, I got up and started milling around my [room](http://www.jambic.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/awesome-theme-boys-bedroom-ideas-in-blue-modern-furniture-led-lighting-cool-boys-room-ideas.jpg). I wandered around aimlessly, looking at random comic books, overdue papers, and trash. I should probably clean later. I picked up my favourite pair of white skinny jeans and noticed a strange blue stain.  _Oh Hell no, not my white pair._

"What the fuck?" I brought the stained part of my pants to my nose and inhaled, flinching away from the offending smell. "Damn. I wanted to wear these." I shrugged and threw them back down, stretching my arms. I neared my closet and pulled out a black and white, wide-striped shirt. I looked over its collar, making sure I'd removed the tag as I fiddled with the short sleeves. I fucking hate tags. Throwing the shirt on my bed, I messed around until I found my khaki skinny jeans. I threw them next to the shirt and grabbed my wide-framed and black, reading glasses. I look like a nerd with these, but I truly do need them. Ugh.

"Hmm... Does this scream gay?" I shrugged and pulled my straw fedora from my hat collection, putting it gingerly next to my shirt.

"Classic black n' white Vans will looks fine," Mother voiced from my doorway. I jumped and grinned at Mama, rubbing the back of my neck sheepishly.

"I figured they would, too, but... I'm lazy." We both laughed and Mama asked for any dirty clothes. I immediately nodded and handed her my dirty skinny jeans.

"I dunno  _what_  happened, but they've got this giant blue stain on them," I explained as my beautiful Mother Carla looked over the garment. She gave me a stern look, silently telling me to take better care of my jeans before she walked off to put them in the washer. _I'll be more careful, Mom. Promise,_ I thought to myself.

"Thank you!" I yelled down the stairs. I got my classic Vans and placed this awesome outfit on my unused desk for tomorrow. I took one last look at what I had planned, and nodded in affirmation. Turning, I looked at my bed before flopping onto it and grabbing my phone. I switched on the latest All Time Low song as I scanned through the messages.

**From Blonde Bowl Cut: Yeah, I have work tomorrow too. So does Connie. Ugh.**

I grinned and shot him back a quick "Thanks, see you there," and got up, smiling. I've been working (my ass off) at Saturn since I was fourteen and for three years, I've been able to move up in ranks from cashier, concession stand worker, and rink-cleaner. Now, all I gotta do is skate around, teach kids to skate, and look good doing it. Which, the last one, is pretty easy. Heh.

Our boss, Keith Shadis, usually lets me do as I please as long as I don't kill anyone or flirt with my coworkers. Which isn't hard. The only cute guys that work there are me, Connie, and Armin. They're both straight, and Armin is my best friend. I rolled my eyes. Why can't I just meet some tall, blonde meat head that'll make me feel pretty? Chuckling, I got off my bed and started cleaning my room.

I think Saturn has been around for almost six months now. Mr. Shadis made sure that, despite its menacing location, it was a crazy safe place. We don't sell alcohol, and if anyone is caught with anything, they're immediately banned for life. Plus, Mr. Shadis keeps everything all military-like. I like how he runs things, personally. No one is allowed in if they've had a bad past, and Shadis would know; his eyes see  _everything_. He also used to be the chief of police, so there's that. Another thing cool about Saturn is that we always have something to do. Whether it's taking care of some kids, kicking someone out (which is very rare), cleaning, or even putting on a show for everyone (usually Sasha or me), we're never bored. Sasha usually mans (womans?) the DJ, I'm what Shadis calls a "Planette," 'cause I revolve around the customers, Armin and Connie work at concessions, and Moblit (bless his heart) cleans up. There's always something fun to occupy us with, without a doubt.

I thought about my job some more as I picked up the last rotten apple core on the floor. Wow. I forgot that my carpet was a bluish grey-colour. I threw it in my waste basket and dusted off my hands. I groaned and decided making the bed could wait until tomorrow.

"Eren!" Mama yelled for me and I ran down the stairs to see what she wanted. When I arrived, I realized she'd made dinner. I internally chanted with happiness; she made spaghetti! I helped her set the table, and I was just placing Mikasa's plate down when I heard the front door open.

"I'm home, Ma!" She yelled, setting down her gym bag on the couch. She walked into the dining room, giving Mom and I a small smile. "Hey Bug," She greeted, nodding at me. I scoffed and narrowed my eyes at her, to which she returned.

"Oh,  _no_ , young lady. You go upstairs and  _shower_ if you want any part of this meal."

Mikasa rolled her eyes and mumbled a "yes ma'am," as she turned around and grabbed her gym bag. She ran up the stairs and most likely flung her bag against the wall, if that quiet  _ **thump!**_ had anything to do with it. I listened to the sound of running water and Mikasa's beautiful singing as I continued setting the table. I wonder why she worked at the gym when she could seriously become famous. She had the vocal range of Axl Rose, the passion of Christina Aguilera, and the voice of an Angel. She could do it, I'm sure as hell.

I watched as Mama put down Dad's plate. She looked at it sadly yet hostile, as if the plate had offended her in some way. I suppose the man who would use the plate had, though. Dad hadn't been home to eat dinner with us for almost an entire week because of his job; I didn't understand why they kept him out for days and sometimes weeks at a time. I know Dad's a great doctor, I mean, he  _single-handedly_  saved my best friend's life. Granted, Armin and I shouldn't have been on the roof, but we were glad nonetheless. It just made my blood boil to see Mama sad, especially when Dad could solve it with a cal-  
My thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of the house phone.

"Hello?" Mama answered sweetly. I smiled. She's nice to basically everyone, unless you've messed up something or ate her Oreos.

"Grisha, Dear! Hello!" She greeted fondly. I rolled my eyes. Dad usually  _could_ read my mind. I chuckled as she talked animatedly with Dad for around ten minutes, before she said she was preparing dinner and had to leave. I gave her a grin that said I'll do it and she kept talking away. I served everyone, including Mikasa when she came down the stairs in her  _Free!_ themed pajamas. We ate happily, joking and poking fun at each other. Mikasa continued to use my dumb ass nickname, the one that had taken the place of my  _other_  nickname. All in all, I'm glad tonight lacked the usual tension of Dad not being home. It was nice to see Mama smiling so wide again.

After dinner, Mikasa and I helped Mama clean up. That just turned into a water fight, which  _Mikasa_  had to clean up 'cause she started it. Aha! But I helped anyways, 'cause I'm not  _that_ bad. I aided her in straightening up the kitchen and living room, and when we finished, I got up the stairs and took a shower.

As I got in, I told myself to remind Mama that I need more kiwi-coconut shampoo. I grabbed the last bit of strawberry-banana shampoo we had (thanks to Mikasa) and ran it through my wet hair, smiling into the sensation of fingers over my scalp. The warm water helped ease my tense muscles as it trickled down from the shower head, and I couldn't help but sigh with contentment. Grabbing a little loofah bath sponge, I smeared soap on it and ran it up and down my arms. Call me weird, but I like the way the bright white suds look against my tanned skin. I brought the loofa against my chest and legs, relishing in getting clean. I threw down my cleaning device and stood against the spray, happy that I took longer than usual in the shower. I grabbed a towel and got out, drying myself off. I probably needed to shave, ugh. I grabbed my razor and touched the blade to my ankle, dragging it upward and feeling triumphant when my light brown hair was gone. The only thing left was caramel coloured skin, and I like that. Baby smooth, you know? I continued this process on both legs, arms, and underarms. Nodding in affirmation, I wiped myself down again and flung my hair around, to get it dry. I heard a strangled noise from the doorway and instantly covered my junk, turning around.  _Who the hell?!_

"Get out, Mikasa!" I squealed, looking at her through wide eyes. She was stunned for a moment as she realized who was already in here. Then, she started laughing and kept staring at my legs.

"You shave better than I do, and I'm a girl." She showed me her ankle, and she'd placed a little Hello Kitty band-aid on it. I started laughing too, but then I realized I was still naked. She must've realized too, because she covered her eyes and asked for her hair brush. I nodded, even though she couldn't see me, and I gave her the little purple brush from on the counter. She mumbled a thanks, and closed the door. Rolling my eyes, I wrapped the towel around my waist and walked to my bedroom. I grabbed my Batman boxers and a white t-shirt, slipping them on before I threw the towel into my hamper.  _Ugh,_ I'm exhausted.

I checked my phone and decided I'd reply to those texts in the morning. I switched on some soft music (I only listened to Clair De Lune, by the French Composer Claude Debussy) and kicked off my left sock. I turned off my lamp and pulled my blankets up to my head, snuggling into my Poo emoji pillow. I let my mind wander, thinking about tomorrow as I started lulling off to sleep. The sandman finally came, however, as my brain started gender-bending people. That night, I think I dreamed of Male Mikasa.  _Ew._

* * *

The next morning, I woke up around nine. I sat up in bed, rubbing the gunk from my eyes, as I looked for my phone. I had eleven messages and two missed calls. I checked the calls first, one was from Armin and the other was from Marco. Hm. I checked my texts, and they were mostly from Jean, Armin, and Connie, asking about work. I replied to most of them (excluding Jean's, cause fuck him) and sent a text to Marco. Getting out of bed, I stretched like a starfish and made those weird groaning, dying animal noises. I scratched my lower back and walked out of the door to the bathroom. Mikasa was already in there, dressed and smelling like fruit, brushing her teeth. I yawned next to her face and she looked at me, disgusted.

"Brush your teeth,  _Bug_." She smirked at me, throwing me my spongebob toothpaste (it tastes like bubblegum) and my green tooth brush. I scowled at her and hip-bumped her out of my way to brush my teeth. She did it back, and I almost fell the fuck over. Stumbling a bit, I groaned and silently agreed to share with her. I could already tell today was gonna be  _full_ of surprises.

A couple hours later, Mikasa had dropped me off in her car at the skating rink. I glared at the sun, 'cause fuck the sun. Bright ass fucker. I walked inside and looked to see if Shadis put up any more decorations. He had, in fact.

Saturn's internal walls were painted completely black, ceilings and floors and all. But it was dotted with stars that glowed all sorts of different colours when you turned off the overhead lights. In the center of it, laid the rink itself, which was a silver-grey colour. Hanging from the ceiling above the rink was an entire solar-system. Each planet was covered in its corresponding colours, but all glittered up. They glowed as well, when Shadis turned on their internal lights. Little to the eye's knowledge, in plain sight they just look like big Styrofoam balls, but they're actually spotted with miniscule holes, which makes them cast different hues of all their colours all over the walls. It's truly a sight to behold. Plus, the black-lights don't help. Everything seems to shimmer and shine when the lights go out, and that's part of why I worked here. All the different rainbows and the great music (thanks to Sasha) let people lose themselves, and I absolutely adored it. Shadis, however, had added more "night lights," as he called them. They were just glow sticks, bundled together and shaped like different Space-related things. I liked them, honestly. I had actually taken one of them once, and a bouquet of lit-up roses is currently on my desk.

As I was taking in the "out of this world" atmosphere (see what I did there?), Armin came up to me, wearing his favourite [snapback](http://ep.yimg.com/ay/stylinonline/doctor-who-space-visor-snapback-hat-7.jpg) (of course), and greeted me with a grin.

"Hey Eren!" He smiled cheerfully. I grinned back at him and gave him a hug, stealing his hat and putting it on my head as I ruffled his hair.

"What's up, Coconut?" I began walking with him to the  _Black Hole_ , which was just a room only the workers were allowed to go in and gave him back his hat. We walked inside and I sat down on the left side of the galaxy-themed sectional, pulling on my black and white skates.

"Don't call me that," He chuckled. "I was just getting some the concessions going. Sasha is  _late,_  again. But she said she'll be here soon. Connie is in the back, manning the skate rental hut. Oh, and Shadis told us to keep everything going until one a.m. tonight."  
I groaned, but was happy Armin could inform me. I nodded and stood up, twirling in a circle to get the feel back in my legs. I grinned and handed Armin his favourite blue pair. He rolled his eyes and slipped them on, giving me a half-hearted death-glare.

"C'mon, let's test out the floor before some freshman start pouring in," I said, grabbing his tiny hand and yanking him upwards. As we left the employee-only room, I heard Sasha jumped over the DJ equipment and yelling to Connie about what song to play. He insisted that the newest Maroon 5 song would be fine, but I guess she didn't want to. I led Armin out on the floor as the White Panda [remix](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ee_caX5R90) to Walk Off The Moon's "Shut Up And Dance With Me," started blaring.

"Yeah, Armin!" I called, grinning like a mad man as I started to pop my hips back and forth. "Shut up and dance with me!"  
We started yelling along to the lyrics as we danced/skated around. At some point, Connie had switched on the black lights, leaving us bathed in a plethora of multicoloured lights. Sometimes I question why I don't date Armin, but I know he's both straight and just my best friend. I could never ruin a friendship like this with some dumb break up.

"We were victims of the night! The chemical, physical kryptonite!" We shrieked, spinning each other around. This is why Armin is my best friend. He never lets me sing alone. We started laughing even harder as I tried hitting high notes and Armin tried the low, which were fails in and of themselves. My blonde coconut slipped his hand in mine, and he steered us back onto the black carpeting around the rink.

"No... More d-dancing..." He panted, out of breath. He doesn't get out much. I chuckled at his disheveled state and sat him down on one of the weird "bump in the floor," galaxy benches. The next song (which was a remix to Maroon 5's "Sugar," much to Sasha's dismay) started playing as a group of freshmen walked inside, laughing and smiling. I waved to the little brunette girl, 'cause she's in my art class.

"Want water?" I asked Armin, giving him a cheeky upturn of the lips. He shook his head and stood up, rolling his eyes.

"I'm fiiiine," He stated, giggling. I nodded and he went back behind the concession stand. I hopped up on the counter and watched as two of the freshmen girls and a guy slipped on skates, and the two other boys rented some from Connie, as he danced behind his station to his favourite song. I chuckled and got down, making my way over to a red-headed girl who looked like she was having trouble.

"Hey, Girly. Need some help?" I offered her my hand and a smile, and she looked at me with big, dewey-green eyes. She looked like she was going to object, but she deflated from her previous stature and nodded, grinning at me. She took my hand and as she tried to stand up, her skates almost slipped out from underneath her. I caught her by the waist, and her face turned red. I gave her a gentle smile and stood her upright again.

"I'm Eren, and I'll be your planette today. Alright, so, place your feet shoulder-width apart." I told her, watching her little blue skates follow my instructions. "Good! Now bend your knees some. That sounds weird, I know, I thought the girl that taught me was gonna make me do something weird." She chuckled, like a little bell tinkling and it made me laugh too. She followed what I said and looked at me for confirmation.

"Yes! There you go! Great! Now squat a little. Again, I know that sounds just wrong." She laughed a little louder and was finally taking the appropriate stance.

"Good, Boss?" She asked, staring at me with a determined look on her face. Hm. I was beginning to like this girl; she's got spunk.

"Brilliant, Kiddo." I clutched her hips as I told her to pretend she was walking. She was a little apprehensive, but I gave her a benevolent squeeze and she started to skate. At first, she almost fell, but I was there to catch her. She pushed my arms off of her and tried again, only to fall once more.

"Fuck!" The red head yelled, clutching her back side. "O-Oh! Oops..." She looked at me, embarrassed that she cussed. I laughed and waved away her uncomfortability.

"No worries, I do it too. Try again!" I encouraged. She stood up again and took her stance, getting steady. Although she was a bit wobbly, she was actually getting the hang of it. I skated out in front of her, beckoning her to come forth. She did without falling and we high-fived, grinning.

"Good job... Uh?"

"Isabel Magnolia! Nice to meet ya!" Isabel addressed me, holding out her hand. I shook it with the same smile as earlier, happy to meet someone like her.

"Just call me Eren. It's nice to meet you too." I began chatting with Isabel about skating and techniques, and she was surprisingly really good once she got her balance straight. I challenged her to a race, but before we could start, some blonde dude was calling her over to him.

"Boyfriend?" I asked, grinning.

"Ew! No! He's my brother!" She squeaked, blushing almost as red as her hair. I laughed and told her to go ahead, but she grabbed my wrist and drug me there with her.

"Farlan! This is Eren! Isn't he a cutie?!" She asked excitedly, jumping up and down. I felt my own blush signal it appearance at her words and it became worse when Farlan looked me over.

"He's got pretty eyes! C'mon, Isabel. Hanji said she'd be here with Erwin and Levi soon." Farlan gave me a sweet smile and I shot him one back, waving to them both and I rolled over to the concession stand.

"The hottie blondie and drop-dead red head are bringing more people; Be prepared." I informed him, showing him a thumbs up. He nodded and I listened as Sasha began playing the dubstep remix to "[Just Dance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37cXjnbckj4)," by Lady Gaga. I smirked. This song was so dumb, but I loved the beat. I made my way over to Connie, telling him to keep the skates clean but he was in the middle of dealing with some  _huge_  blonde guy. I had half a mind to move in on that, if you know what I'm saying, but then slipped his arm around a squealing brunette.

"Hanji, calm down."

"I WANNA SKATE," she demanded.

"You  _will_ , let me ask if he can keep the used skates away from Levi,"

"NO!" The brunette turned around so fast, she knocked me straight onto my ass. I was about to cuss her out before she held out her hand and grinned like a maniac in my face.

"So sorry! I'm Hanji Zoe! Oooh, you're cute! C'mon, get up!" I guess my face read  _scared shitless_ , 'cause she tried to calm herself. I grabbed her hand and got up, giving her a slightly nervous smile.

"Hi, I'm E-Eren and I'm here to be your planette. Do you need help with anything?" I asked, silently wishing she would say no and let me go.

"Of course I do!" She wailed, throwing an arm around my shoulders. She looked towards the blonde dude and their eye-contact spoke volumes. They shared wicked grins and before I could protest, I was being led towards a booth on the far side of the rink.

_Fuck_. This wouldn't end well.


	3. Or Get Busy Dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 summary: Hanji pries Levi out of bed, Levi gets a lecture about spending time with the people you love, He finally goes insider Saturn, and has to deal with some shitty brat. Although, he is kind of cute for a boy. Levi struggles with gay/straight thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thshirtank you for reading! I really appreciate it. *thumbs uo*

_Levi_

I woke up on Saturday with a headache the size of Erwin, and Erwin is one big motherfucker. I groaned and pulled the covers over my head, shielding my precious eyes from the fucking sun. Fuck the sun. It was officially too bright and too hot in this room, and I couldn't take it. I shoved the cover off of me, burying my face in my eye roll emoji pillow. I hate this and I want it to be dark. Yes. The dark is my shelter. Be gone, animals of light, for I am a creature of the night.  _Hisssss..._

Today is shit. This is shit. Everything is shit. I am shit. Hanji's loud banging on my door is sh-  
 _What._

"-VI! LEVI! Come out! Erwin and I are ready to go! Kenny made breakfast!" She yelled through the wood, knowing better than to come inside my room without my permission. I'll never forget the day Hanji caught me changing. I shuddered as I stood up, trying to ignore Hanji's little voice saying "your pubes are really dark," in my head. I groaned and opened the door.

"Go  _where_?" I asked as she barged in, knocking me onto the floor.  _This bitch_. I glared and through one of my shoes at her.  _Hoebag._

"Skating! They opened at eleven, Levi! It's almost one! C'mon! Izzy and Farlan are already there and Izzy says she met a cute boy!" Hanji cheered, throwing some of my clothes on the bed. I took a calming breath and walked up behind her, slapping her in the head with my favourite left spat. Maybe she'll die from internal bleeding. She laughed (guess not, but my ears will), rubbing her noggin and pointed to my bed.

"Put it on! It's cute and you gotta wear something bright, 'cause they turn on black lights." She nodded at me with a smug look. I stared at her for a moment, and looked at what she picked out. Not bad, honestly. She had picked out my black Asking Alexandria [shirt, ](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=60111240)with the big blue man-eater. It as rather colourful, but it still had an edge to it. She paired that with a dark pair of red skinny [jeans](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=70953299) and the black Converse skates she got me. I scowled, but was impressed with her choices. She turned to me, pouting. I wanted to slap her.

"You promised me yesterday, Itty Bit. You can't back out." Hanji told me, raising her left eyebrow. I had half a mind to kick her out of my room (for both insulting my height and waking me up) and continue my sleep, but I had a feeling she wouldn't leave anyways.

"Lemme shower. Get out," I instructed, giving her an impassive glance. She squealed and b-lined for the door, telling me to "wash my little parts quick."  _This bitch._ That seemed to be my favourite phrase today.  
I peeled off my pajamas, which consisted of a dumbass Lord Of The Rings [shirt](http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41PmruXgkGL._SX342_.jpg) and some briefs. I need to rethink my life choices. I jumped into the shower before the water was even hot because that's what I get for hanging out with Satan (and being half-asleep). I bathed leisurely and at my own pace, as a final  _fuck you_  to Hanji. I made sure to use my Creed Aventus soap, 'cause that shit smells like heaven. I dunno what it is about it, but it smells mature. After I had rinsed off my ivory-coloured ass, I ran my fingers through my black hair. I think I'll need to get it touched up soon; my undercut is getting a little long. I mentally made plans to visit my hairdresser as I rubbed shampoo throughout my ebony locks. I stood under the stream of (now) comfortably hot water and thought about today. I really hope Hanji doesn't try to hook me up with some overly-flirtatious girl.  _Fuck_. I learned my lesson when I dated that girl from my trigonometry class. As I was washing the shampoo from my hair, I tried constructing the perfect girl for me but somehow I kept getting strawberry blonde hair and  _green_  eyes? That's new. I imagined Petra, but instead of the warm honey colour I was used to staring into, I kept getting this weird combination of blue and green. Almost... Turquoise? Tch. I shook my head to clear my mind of these weird thoughts.

As I jumped out of the shower, I'd noticed that it was going on 1:45. I chastised myself for taking so long in the shower, but it was worth it to smell like I walked out of an Armani ad. I dried myself to perfection and put on my outfit, whispering another "not bad," as I slipped on a regular pair of black converses. Standing in the bathroom, I  _knew_  I'd need to get it touched up soon. Although, it wasn't bad. It could wait a day. I parted my hair down the middle and ran my fingers through it, happy with its softness. I washed my face, dried it, and then brushed my teeth. I shot myself a wink in the mirror and walked out, ready to go and just get today over with.  
I was greeted by Hanji's grinning mug, as well as Erwin and Kenny. I gave them all a half hearted wave as I rolled my eyes, scowling at their cheeriness. This wasn't even going to be fun. Why would I act all happy? Tch! Fuck that.

"Ready to go?!" Hanji squealed, obviously too excited for her own good.

"Do I have a choice?" I asked sarcastically.

"Nope!" She yelled. She hoisted up the bag she had on her shoulder, no doubt filled with out skates. Hanji hugged Kenny around the neck and he chuckled, patting her on the back. Erwin did the same, and I did not because fuck that. I don't hug people. As Hanji and Erwin neared the door, laughing about something I didn't care about, Uncle Kenny gave me a stern look.

Levi He started, giving me one hell of a "disappointed dad" look. "Why haven't you been hanging out with your friends as much? And why did I have to hear about your and Petra's break up from Shitty Glasses?"  
I internally smirked at his use of her nickname, but my amusement was short-lived. I really didn't want to have this conversation with him. I didn't mean to keep things from him. That's just how I was; I don't tell people things about me. I didn't even want to tell Hanji, but of course I wanted tea, so I did.

"It isn't a big deal." I stated, shrugging at him. Kenny gave me a pointed. He was not pleased with my answer. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, waiting for me ot elaborate.

"I won't spoil your fun right now, but when you get home, we're talking about this. Have a nice time, Levi." Kenny shot me an apologetic smile as I walked into the living room and out of the front door. I shook my head.  
It isn't as if I didn't care... I do care about Petra, I even care about Oluo. I just couldn't bring myself to go through the hysterics most people go through when they're dumped. It was pointless. So what if Petra didn't wanna spend the rest of our lives together? I didn't actually  _plan_  to spend it with  _her_  either. I don't see myself actually getting "married," or anything. That's ridiculous. Why does everyone expect me to cry or something? I don't cry, I barely even laugh. I know it's the norm to be upset, but I couldn't actually be upset. I was happy she was happy, and that's the truth. Is that hard for people to accept? I pondered this as Hanji revved the engine of her 2014[ Chevy Impala](http://images.gtcarlot.com/pictures/80617308.jpg).

I jumped in the passenger seat and stared down, disgusted by her choice of interior.

"You're shitting me, right? Galaxies?" I turned up my nose at her style, but I was grateful it was actually clean. I fiddled with the radio, looking for something that wasn't utter shit. As I passed by the local bubblegum pop station (kill me), Hanji yelped.

"STOP! I love this song!" A choir of people [singing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJLc3VeN2sc) the sound "oo" makes sounded through the radio, and I rolled my eyes. I hope this wasn't Taylor Swift.  
Hanji began to sing along quietly, almost as if she was afraid to disrupt the actual singing. That was new for her; she belted out her favourite songs. Hm. As she sang, I started thinking about Petra again. I'm glad she's with Oluo, if I'm honest. He's always been very nice to her, even if he's a jackass to everyone else. They've been friends since childhood, and it's pretty obvious. It's as if they knew each other in a past life, that's how close they are. At the time, I never suspected them of anything. I didn't think she harboured romantic feelings for Oluo, but everyone knew he was  _in love_  with her. I suppose I minded that a bit, but I didn't call him on it outright. I thought it was comical. Oluo emulated me and still couldn't get Petra to like him. After our first year together, he finally gave up on mirroring my every move. I guess that's when Petra saw the real him and decided she liked him.

I was falling into a stupor when Hanji pulled into the parking lot of some weird building. I looked up from my feet and read the sign, which was lit up in all different colours.

**_Saturn_ **

This is it. The dumb skating rink that I was being forced to visit. I didn't even know how to skate! How is this going to be  _any_  fun? Before I could protest (and clutch the door handle like a maniac), Hanji yanked me out into the open. I hissed at the afternoon sun.  _You bright ass bastard._

"C'mon, Pee Wee! Let's go!" She pulled me closer and closer to the offending place, as Erwin grabbed our bags and followed she and I, chuckling. I scowled at the blonde fucktard, and his stupid eyebrows. I felt my stomach drop as we walked in the door, and I was overcome with a sense of dread as well as deafened by the fucking music. Is that  _Just Dance_  by Lady fucking Gaga? I glared at Hanji.

"I don't wanna be here." She just laughed and turned to Erwin.

"He doesn't wanna be here!" She started laughing like a psycho, and Eyebrows joined her. I stared at the two of them as if they grew second heads. Is this some kind of inside joke? I growled at Hanji and kicked her in the knee. She yelps like a dog and starts giggling again.

"Aw, I love you too! Look, Levi! There are Isabel and Farlan!" She yelled, pointing at Farlan and Isabel. They looked like they were fangirling about something. _Tch._ Hanji then proceeded to drag me over to them. I was clawing my way out of her grip when I found myself embraced in another one.

"Big Bro!" Isabel cried, clutching my shoulders. I gave her a tiny smile and hugged her back, happy to see her again after so long. I looked up and saw Farlan, grinning and waiting for his hug. I waved him over and we all group-hugged, smiling and glad to be in each other's arms. As I pulled away, I noticed Isabel was staring at something. I looked into her general line of sight and saw nothing but Erwin and Hanji retreating.

"Isabel, Farlan." I said, nodding at each of them as we slipped into a brightly coloured booth. I looked around and I couldn't say I wasn't impressed.  
This place was well put together. It was completely black, with little stars dotting everything. The rink itself was this metallic grey colour that seemed to shine. Above the rink hung the universe itself, complete with planets and little black hole replicas. They were very sparkly and glittery, and normally I wouldn't like that but it seemed to fit the atmosphere of this joint. Little glow stick chandeliers hung above each booth and table, accompanied by a center piece made of glow sticks and lights. Ours was a little rose bouquet. I noticed the black lights that hadn't been turned on yet, and I had a feeling this place would transform when they finally were. As I had said, not bad.

"I learned to skate!" Isabel stated proudly, grinning smugly at me. I rolled my eyes at her. It's just like Isabel to learn something dumb first thing.

"Of course you did. Did some tall, dark, handsome meat head teach you?" I snickered at her blushing, and her denial.

"He wasn't a meat head! But he  _was_ tall, dark, and  _very_  handsome." She laughed and Farlan joined her, most likely agreeing with what she said. I wrinkled my nose at them.

"He had very pretty eyes, if I'm honest." Farlan stated, nodding along with Isabel. I could never get over these two; I've been friends with them since we were all little kids. It's wonderful.

"Don't be gay about it," I teased, smirking at his scowl. We talked about the most random things, and I sighed in relief when [something](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJLc3VeN2sc) better came on the DJ system. Isabel and Farlan were having some weird conversation about manga (who the fuck is Honey-Senpai?) when I heard Hanji's loud ass mouth again. I mentally groaned, and looked over at her. However, my eyes met with a sight completely different from the big brown eyes and huge glasses I was used to.

Hanji was there, actually, and she was talking the ear off of this ... guy. He was tall, that's for sure. Tall and, somehow, pretty for a boy. Not pretty in a dainty sense, he was pretty in the face.

_What?_

He had messy, chocolate-brown hair. I couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like between my fingers.  _Again, what?_  His hair framed a tanned face, set with boyish looking features. He had a strong nose, and thick eyebrows (not Erwin thick, thank deity). What caught me off guard, however, was his eyes. Two big, expressive orbs filled with this gorgeous turquoise-teal colour were darting around nervously, most likely looking for a way to get away from Hanji. I didn't realize I had been staring until gun-metal grey met Carribean green. His already huge eyes widened (if that was even possible), and he looked away. I didn't miss the faint splash of pink across his cheeks. I smirked, knowing that I caused him to get flustered. That was actually really cute.  _Since when do you say cute, hm Levi?_

"That's him!" Isabel cheered, pointing at the boy's face. His eyes became wide again, but they softened slightly. He gave Isabel a smile that confused me. It was warm and gentle, as if he was looking at something he was happy with. I felt my heart leap, and  _WHAT._  I internally screamed at myself.

 _He's a_ guy,  _why do you feel like some schoolgirl,_ _What the fuck?_

 _I_  shook my head and blinked a bit, willing the feeling to go away.

"Hey, Isabel and Farlan," He spoke kindly, the smile on his lips tugging into a grin.  _Repeat that please, a million times, but say my name instead._

"Big Bro! This is Mr. Tall, Dark, And Handsome! He taught me to skate!" Isabel informed me, grinning like a fool. I looked back at Hanji as she stood by the table with Erwin. They were sharing knowing looks, and that confused me.  _Is this a joke?_ They looked almost smug and that made me antsy. I'd almost forgotten that Isabel spoke to me until I saw her lips moving again.

"Isn't he cute?!" She gushed over this kid like a woman over a baby. I wanted to respond with something witty, but my brain refused to work. I was getting all worked up because of some  _guy?_ That's a new feeling.

"He's  _tall._ " I said, looking at the kid. He gave me the same warm smile he gave Isabel and I swear my heart just died.  _It's just a guy, Levi,_  I thought to myself.  _He's just like Erwin, or Farlan, or Eld, or Gunther. Hell, Kenny is a guy too_.  _There's no need to be nervous, Levi. Come on now_. I retained my impassive façade, but I was really confused and slightly angry. I decided to just ignore everything, it seemed like the best way to go about this damn kid. What was he doing, anyway? Just 'cause some tanned, big-eyed, beautiful... sweet-looking... delicious little...  _What the fuck._ Some  _kid_ came around doesn't mean he can get you all messed up. I didn't even feel this way around Petra, so what the hell am I doing?

"I get that whole 'tall, dark, handsome,' thing a lot... heh," He replied sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. I would've found it cute if I wasn't currently trying to think about boobs.  _Boobs. Yeah_. I raised my eyebrow at the kid, questioning him silently. He bit into his lower lip and squished his eyes shut, chuckling quietly.  _Why is everything he does adorable? Who even_ says _adorable?_

"Since you guys seem to already know him, this is Eren, Levi!" Hanji introduced him, giving him a smack on the hip. Eren turned crimson, and he looked like he was gonna yell at her but thought better of it. He came forwards, offered me a tender smile, and a tanned hand.

"Eren Jaeger, it's nice to meet you." This "Eren" informed me. I stared at his hand, afraid to touch it. It wasn't that I thought it was dirty (which it probably was), I just didn't wanna risk it. I got fucking butterflies (more like pterodactyls) in my stomach just from looking at this brat, how am I expected to touch his hand? Why am I feeling this way anyway? I only felt this way with Petra, and it wasn't as bad as this. What is going on with my stomach and chest and head? I must be sick. The fumes from the disgusting skate-spray and food must be fucking me up. Yeah. That's it.

I chose the next best thing to touching his hand.

I shot him a smile (which looked more forced that I would've liked), and said, "Charmed. Levi Ackerman."

He looked at me strangely for a moment, like I had just told him he was going to grow a unicorn horn by next week. The next thing I know, he's giggling. And good God, the sound is heavenly.

"Well, Hey Levi," He started, retracting his hand.

_Oh fucking shit, he said "Levi." That's my name. He said Levi. And that's my name. Oh fucking shit. Just keep talking, please._

"Hanji told me you don't know how to skate. I'll be your planette today, and teach you." He flashed me that prize-winning smile and I felt my face heat up.  _How and why is he doing this to me? More importantly, what?_

"Sorry, Kid. I don't skate." He looked so dejected when I said that, and a little confused. What? Is this guy not used to getting turned down or something? Tch. Little brat must be spoiled rotten, 'cause people can't resist those damn eyes.

"Yeah, you do. I can teach you! It isn't hard. Just try it," He instantly lit up again, and I can't say I wasn't immediately wanting to do as he said. He had one of those faces, the kind that make you want to do his bidding.  _Tch._ No.

"I don't give a shit. I'm not skating. And I  _certainly_  don't wanna learn from some snot-nosed brat."  _Smooth, Levi. Smooth. Why did you even say that? Why do you feel bad about saying it?_

I looked towards Hanji and she was glaring at me, along with Isabel. Farlan looked confused, and Erwin had an amused look on his face. I was about to get up and leave, when Eren slammed his fist into the table. The look in his eyes was of fiery determination, and the smirk tugging on those pink lips hinted that I wasn't going to like what he was going to say. I couldn't say that that little fire was burning me up, in more than one place.  _This little shit better not hit me._

"C'mon. Whether you like it or not, I'm teaching you to skate. Even if I have to tape a pair of blades to your hobbit feet and throw you down a ramp, you're going to learn. Got that, Shorty?" He smirked at me.  _Smirked_  at me.

_This bitch._


	4. Steady Like The Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 Summary: This is Eren's first impression of Levi! He smart mouths the ravenette, and tries to get him to skate. Eren doesn't miss how flustered Levi is and he may get a little handsy. Heh, and Levi may or may not hate and love it. It leaves them both rather curious about each other. A race ensues! Eren, being the little shit he is, wants to see more of this grey-eyed character, and he probably will. This is kind of Eren's POV of the last chapter, hence why it starts with what we left off with in his last POV.   
> Warning: Innuendo.

_Eren_

Fuck. This wouldn't end well.

This Hanji character, with her messy, bouncing pony tail and huge glasses that threatened to fall off of her face at any moment, was certainly crazy or something. She was currently dragging me to a table at which three other people were sitting. It was my job to help them out with whatever they needed, but I didn't want to be stuck dealing with a whole bunch of freshmen. Although, Hanji and Erwin seemed like seniors, if I'm not mistaken. I should probably be nicer, but who could be when some bat-shit crazy woman had a death grip on your arm? I looked around frantically, searching for a (any) reason to get away from her. I was even trying to make up some bullshit excuse, but all my thoughts left my head when I noticed someone was glaring at me. What the hell?

I stared at him for a minute and when I realized I was staring back, I looked away with a blush on my cheeks. I tried to think back to what this stranger looked like, but I was face to face with said stranger (and a finger) not a moment later.

"That's him!"

I looked at Isabel, slightly bewildered by both her dainty hand in my face and her excitement. What did I do? I realized she was talking to the grey-eyed boy from earlier, and that she wasn't accusing me of anything. For a minute there, I thought that this dude was her boyfriend and she was telling him I touched her or something. That would've been a shit fest. I internally sighed with relief and smiled at her.

"Hey, Isabel and Farlan," I greeted, smiling a little wider at familiar faces in a sea of strangers. Isabel shot me a grin back, and Farlan did the same. I watched as the redhead turned to the black-haired dude across from her.

"Big Bro!"

Ah, her brother. Oh shit.

"This is Mr. Tall, Dark, And Handsome! He taught me to skate!" Her pride was adorable and I almost giggled at it, if it weren't for the red splash across my face. C'mon, not this line. I was going to tell her to not call me that, 'cause everyone used the same line on me, but she kept talking away.

"Isn't he cute?!" She squealed like I was some sort of kitten, or something else really cute. I felt like I was invisible in a conversation that involved me. Don't get me wrong, I love compliments. Being called cute, tall, dark, and handsome all in one day by the same person usually led to some awkward date and me not really being interested, but she was just gushing about me like I was her newest toy. The thought made me blush a little darker and I didn't like it. I don't wanna seem like some red-faced virgin in front of seniors like Erwin and Hanji. I didn't want to seem like some little kid to a freshman either, especially Isabel's big brother. The guy was looking at me like I'd just shot his puppy, and he wanted revenge. I looked to him, to see his response to Isabel's question.

"He's tall," I dunno why, but his clear disinterest made me smile. I shot him a happy grin, loving the way his eyes widened slightly. It was as if he expected me to get upset that he didn't say I was attractive, and I found that amusing and a little endearing. If I'm honest, he wasn't bad to look at. But he's totally not my type. I chuckled internally. However, his piercing gaze was finally getting under my skin. My brain-giggle was stopped halfway through as I tried to come up with a reply.

"I get that whole, 'tall, dark, handsome,' thing a lot... heh," I told him sheepishly. My hand did that nervous habit of rubbing at the back of my neck, while my eyes fell downwards to my toes. I looked back up, awkwardly, to catch his (very pretty) grey eyes and found him with a questioning brow raised. I bit my lip, and couldn't suppress the little laugh that bubbled up through me. This guy is a trip, oh my goodness. He looked a little perplexed by my actions and that made me turn a little pink.

"Since you guys seem to already know him,' Hanji started, gesturing towards Isabel and Farlan. "This is Eren, Levi!" She introduced me and slapped my hip, causing me to squeak and turn into a living strawberry. I was going to tell her off, instructing her that it is impolite and against the rules to touch a worker, but I didn't want to look like a dick in front of these nice guys. I shrugged off the contact and turned towards Levi, giving him a hand to shake along with a smile.

"Eren Jaeger, nice to meet you." He just kind of stared at my hand, as if he was scared to touch it. The thought almost made me retract the appendage. I mean, is my hand dirty? Is it misshapen? Is it turning into a hook? Is my hand not good enough? Holy hell, my hand is not royal enough to be placed in Levi's. Come to think of it, Levi's is a brand of pants. Heh.

Meanwhile, Levi must have been waging a war between himself up there in that noggin of his 'cause he was staring at my hand like it was infected with an STD (STH? Sexually transmitted hand?). I was seriously close to pulling it away when he looked up at me (that's fucking adorable) and gave me a smirk (that's fucking hot) and said, "Charmed. Levi Ackerman."

Levi Ackerman.

He didn't seem charmed, and I guess my face showed that. I mean, he's a little confusing. One moment he seems like he's gonna skin me alive and the next he wants to eat me alive. I didn't mind that last one, to be honest. I giggled as I pulled my hand away, and I guess I did that out loud, because those eyes widened ever so slightly again. I wanted to keep talking, because I had a feeling there was going to be awkward silence if I didn't.

"Well hey, Levi," I began. "Hanji told me you don't know how to skate. I'll be your planette today, and teach you," Good start, I suppose. I flashed him a smile in an attempt to get him to loosen up a bit, and I guess it had an effect because his pale cheeks turned a very light pink. That's kinda cute. I can't say I wasn't a little bothered by what he said next.

"Sorry, Kid. I don't skate." He said it so nonchalantly, like he really didn't give two shits if he could skate. That irked me a bit, and my normally smiling face fell if it had anything to do with the slight tilt of his head. I didn't want to be turned down, and I actually wanted to help this douche skate. I knew, somehow, he probably did want to skate but he was too proud to admit it. Aha! That's most likely it. I grinned back at him. I just had to teach him.

"Yeah, you do. I can teach you! It isn't hard. Just try it," I watched as his eyes faltered, and the sight intrigued me. I'm going to teach you to skate, little dude. Whether you like it or not.

"I don't give a shit. I'm not skating. And I certainly don't wanna learn from some snot-nosed brat," He scowled at me, and I know my eyes got bigger. How rude! I'm a little brat? I'm a sophomore, isn't he an eight grader or some shit?

Before I spoke up, I noticed that Hanji and Isabel were glaring daggers at him and Farlan looked like a lost puppy. They must like me if they're willing to pointedly make their friend uncomfortable for my sake. I smiled a bit at that. These people aren't half bad. However, Levi did not look affected. That set me off. My lips turned into a confident smile, and I gave him my most determined look as I put my fist to the table.

"C'mon. Whether you like it or not, I'm teaching you to skate. Even if I have to tape a pair of blades to your hobbit feet and throw you down a ramp, you're going to learn. Got that, Shorty?" I smirked at him, and I knew what he was thinking. He was mentally kicking my ass, but Isabel and Hanji's excited "squee's!" certainly stopped him from doing it physically. People must not call him short often, because his stare was hardening. I was listening for someone to gasp, but my ears were met with a [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p37ERA46DtU) by Twenty One Pilots instead.

"He called you short!" Hanji and Isabel yelled simultaneously, grinning at each other. Erwin chuckled behind me, and Farlan was a bright shade of purple from trying to conceal his laughter. My eyes never once left Levi's as we glared at each other, a silent contest in who would give first. I watched as sparks lit up those silvery orbs, leaving them bright and angry like burning metal. I don't think he was hesitating in trying to burn me up. Nevertheless, I knew mine were just as bad (if not worse). I could see in his reflective pools of smoky grey the same fiery intensity he possessed, but in turquoise. It was as if the ocean and a stormy sky were at war, and I knew Poseidon would over power Zeus one day. Lightning seemed to crash against teal waves as threatening clouds pulsed. This is certainly fierce.

C'mon, Levi. There are seven seas, and one sky. Do you really think you can out do a Jaeger?

"Fuck." He growled, looking away from me as if he had read my mind. I won. Read that, little dude.

"You're a little shit. You know that, Eren?" He spat my name, as if it left a foul taste in his mouth. I smirked triumphantly. I don't know why, but beating this guy at what is obviously his own game gave me a sense of satisfaction that only rivaled the (one and only one) time I beat Armin in a skate race. I felt like I was on cloud nine, but I had a job to do.

"Yeah, yeah. Levi. Get up and let's go get you some skates. I'm ready to show you what I'm made of." I shot him a victorious grin and watched him scowl at me. I will never get over how good he is at that.

"You're made of shit, Kid." He smirked back at me, but was clearly still butt-hurt about losing. I laughed a little bit, and straightened up. I saw that Hanji was smirking at me, and I smirked back. We were thinking the same thing; Levi finally gave. If it was possible, I felt even better. I was getting a little cocky too, but that didn't seem to deter me.

"Kid? I'm a sophomore, Levi. Aren't you graduating eighth grade in a couple months?" I sneered, crossing my arms at him. I felt big and bad, like a Jaeger Boy does. I love winning, but I was not prepared for what happened next. He grabbed me by the collar and stared into my very soul, scorching me from the inside out. Oh shit.

"I am a senior, fucktard."

His blazing eye contact was a tad bit scary. Okay, okay. It was petrifying. This was nothing compared to earlier. It was like he was actually trying to kill me with his pretty grey orbs alone. I swallowed harshly and tried to make words come out of my throat, because they were having a fucking camp out there for some reason, but I only squeaked. I'm mistaken, because his glare did not just soften a bit. Molten charcoal didn't soothe and become wistfully icy silver. Did it?

"Watch your mouth, Kid. Before I turn it into a Chelsea smile." He threatened, letting me go and pushing me away. He looked at Hanji, and she was giving me a sympathetic look. I look at Levi, smirking. He was angry because I called him short. This should be fun.

"I doubt you would," I teased, squealing and arching to the left when he tried to hit me. This tiny munchkin! I was laughing now, watching as he complained about me to himself. I rolled my eyes at his growing frustration, and grabbed his hand. I ignored Hanji's cat calls and Levi's struggles, but what did catch my ears made a lot of sense to hear.

"My skates are over there, you shitty brat!"

_Oh._

_The skates are over there._

I gave Levi a sheepish smile as he made his way over to Erwin and grabbed a pair of Converse style skates. He gracefully stalked over to the booth beside his crew and put them on the table, staring at me. I walked over to him and waited with my hands on my hips for him to slip them on.

"What, Brat?" He narrowed his eyes at me. I looked at him quizzically. What's he waiting for?

"Aren't you going to put on your skates?" I asked, tilting my head to the left. I watched his face change from impassive/slightly irritated to something else. Something... Soft? It could've been the vague upturn of thin, pink lips, or the way his furrowed eyebrows lifted a bit, but he looked a lot less angry. The sight made me blush.

"No," He started. Huh? "You're going to."

I was confused for a minute, but I (of course) got a brilliant idea. If he wants to play it like that, I will too. I nodded at him, watching his expression turn into something smug. I almost smirked at him.

_I'm evil. And this[song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEPTlhBmwRg) is perfect. This is my jam, oh damn it._

I grabbed the skates and looked at him with a sweet smile, watching him as he raised a curious eyebrow. I only shook my head, chuckling, as I dropped to my knees in front of him. I slipped his skates out of the bag and looked up at him with overly-big eyes. That definitely caught his attention, if his stumbling breath was anything to go by.

"Why'd you come here if you don't know how to skate, Levi?" I asked innocently, batting my eye lashes. I practically purred his name, and it was clear it had an effect. His eyes became larger, but then he scowled at me as if to hide it that he was curious about my actions. I internally snickered.

"I was dragged here." He stated bluntly, examining his nails like they were the most interesting things he'd ever seen. I scoffed. Asshole.

"Oh really?" I questioned, sliding off his blue Vans. I leaned incredibly too close and he looked down at me, probably annoyed with my close proximity. However, when I glanced up, he was biting his lip. Oh, that's hot. I shot him a flawless smile and he ground his teeth together, effectively biting harder into his lip.

"Yeah..." He trailed off, eyeing me suspiciously. I peered at him through dark eyelashes, giving him one hell of a flirty look. He cleared his throat and looked away from me.

"Kind of glad she brought you here. Now I can teach you some things," I drawled out, teasing him a bit with an innuendo inducing voice. His eyes flared a colour I hadn't seen before, and his pupils were wider than expected. I guess my playing had worked. I smirked triumphantly and slipped on his skates, eyeing him like an animal in heat.

"What are you saying?" He asked with a voice full of mistrust.

"I'm saying I'm gonna teach you to skate. Duh," I rolled my eyes as if it was plainly perceptible. He growled at me and I growled back. That caught him off guard.

"Stop being weird and put my skates on." Levi demanded, finally fed up with my games. I laughed as I put on his skates, instructing him to stay put while I get him ready to actually stand. He did not listen. As soon as he tried to stand, he toppled forward. I grabbed him mid fall and held him against my chest.

"Woah! Careful there!" I chuckled and stood him upright, keeping my arms wrapped tightly around his waist. He was a bright shade of crimson, and I can't say it was a-fucking-dorable. He was a little hesitant to let me touch him, and the thought perplexed me.

"Let go," The ravenette challenged, trying to stab me with his eyes alone. I huffed.

"If I do, you'll fall face first. Wouldn't wanna damage that pretty thing, right?" I flirted with him, trying to get him to be even more uncomfortable.

"What the fuck? Don't be weird about it!" He barked at me, snarling like a mad dog. I narrowed my eyes at him and was tempted to watch him fall, but that isn't good for business. It totally wasn't because I wanted to keep him close.

"Just do as I say and you can learn. It'll be over quickly if you learn like your sister. Place your feet shoulder-width apart, Levi. Okay?" I told him, giving him an affectionate smile. I gazed at him as his frustration fell away slightly, and he gave me a minuscule smile back.

"Keep it steady like the sky, Little Dude."

"I don't have a sister, you know." He told me as the grey-eyed teen followed my directions. He looked back at me and looked for confirmation. I grinned and nodded at him. It seemed as if he was starting to loosen up around me.

"Good job! I thought Isabel was your sister? She called you 'Big Bro,'" I mentioned, smiling curiously. I liked this normal contact with Levi. It was somehow... Comfortable? I don't know, but I wouldn't mind more of this.

"That's a nick name. Like "Shitty Glasses," for Hanji or "Captain Eyebrows," for Erwin," Levi stated, watching me as I giggled. "Or "Shitty Brat," for you."

I laughed a little harder at that, because his sense of humour was fabulously shit-related. He gave a soft exhale of breath, like a small laugh and it made my heart do a back flip. I went a little pink at the action of my chest-meat, and my eyes darted around as I tried not to meet the raven's.

"Yeah, yeah. Or "Little Dude," for you?" I snickered at his scrunched up nose.

"You must wanna die today,"

"They don't call me "Suicidal Bastard" for nothing," I pointed out, grinning at him. He rolled his eyes and mumbled, "I don't even wanna know," as I gave him more instructions.

"Think you got this? Bend your knees some and squat," I held onto his hips a lot lighter than I held his waist. I watched his feet as he took the correct stance, and congratulated him. He was doing really well until I let go.

"This is shit." He stated, grunting as he fell down. I guess he still hadn't gotten the hang of it. I helped him back up, and noticed the small blush across his cheeks and nose.

"That's cute," I breathed. I guess I said that out loud because he turned a little darker and glared at me.

"Shut the fuck up, Suicidal Bastard." Even though he sounded mad, he was sending out some gleeful waves of energy. I gave him a big, dumb grin and probably turned into another human strawberry. He exhaled another soft laugh and I found myself shaking my head like a happy mother. I had my hands on his hips as he stood up and tried to skate. He almost slipped, but I was there to catch him. We continued making each other blush, cracking dumb jokes and pretending to hate each other. After about thirty or forty minutes, he was starting to get it.

I gave him a drill to go to the far side of the ring and back to me, studying him as he went. He wasn't unattractive, but he wasn't what I was used to. I either liked itty-bitty, innocent little blondes (like Armin) or huge jocks (like Erwin), but he was something else altogether.

Dark eyes, dark hair, dark personality, dark everything. He seemed to radiate confidence and mystery. It was rather intriguing, and I can't say I wasn't interested. He glided elegantly across the silver rink towards me, and Levi didn't once take his off of me. I smiled as a sign of encouragement and he actually shot me one back. I felt my brain turn to goo and my heart speed up. He's doing stuff to me I didn't think any ever could.

This entire day has been filled with surprises and I was waiting for more to happen.

"Good job, Levi! You did it!" I cheered for him as he stopped his skates and sat on top of the table beside me.

"I know I did, I just witnessed it." He replied sarcastically. I rolled my eyes, but continued to beam at him. He's a fast learner!

"Think you can take me on?" I smirked, challenging him with a confident stare. He smirked back and nodded.

"I'll kick your ass, Jaeger." He stood up and waited for me to get to my feet. I stuck out my tongue childishly.

"That's right. I'm a Jaeger, and..." I paused for dramatic effect.

"Jaeger's never quit!" I yelled it loud enough for Sasha and Armin to hear, and they cheered for me. I guess they suspected I was going to beat Levi's ass. They were right, too. He scoffed and we took stances near the exit of the rink.

"Stakes?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"We do two laps around. If I win, I get bragging rights and we get food, all on you and whatever else you wanna give me," He told me, nodding as confirmation. I nodded back.

"And when I win?" I queried.

"Bragging rights, food on me, and," He smirked. "Whatever I wanna give you." The mischievous little glint in those gorgeous eyes got me ready to be victorious. This munchkin thinks he can play sexy? So can I! I liked the circumstances anyway. We got in ready stances and glared playfully at one another, both prepared to win.

"Ready, Brat?"

"You bet your ass I am,"

"3... 2... 1... Go!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written up to eleven chapters of FMIS already and I'll update once a day until I've used up the elven, four of which I've already posted. Afterwards, my updates will vary from 3-4 or 6-7 days, depending on the chapter length. I'll try to keep them steady. My apologies if that is confusing.  
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Sweet Like The Sea

_Levi_

_What the fuck am I doing._

"Ready, Brat?" I asked, looking at the ocean-eyed, little asshole beside me.

"You bet your ass I am," He replied, giving me a confident smirk. That is so attractive, _Oh my Fuck_.

This little shit challenged me to a race. I didn't want to at first. Hell no, he could kick my ass from sheer will alone but I wouldn't tell him that. Even if I had objected, his pleading eyes would get me to say yes. I don't understand what he does to me, but I cannot say I don't sort of, kind of like it. He says things will be fun if I just try, and I believe that when I'm doing things with him.  _Did I just make a legitimate best friend? Now I know how Kindergarten children feel. Great._

I cast one last look at Eren. I could see the readiness in his eyes, as well as his endearing confidence. He was so sure of himself, and that was something I liked. Any girl would be lucky to have someone with such an unwavering sense of purpose. It must get him a lot of dates. Hm. Why does the thought of him with any girl feel wrong? He's probably got some beautiful, blue-eyed, long-legged blonde waiting for him at home. I mentally sighed, uncomfortable with thinking about his relationship status.

"3..." I started, watching his flawlessly white teeth catch that pert, pink bottom lip. That's hot. Practically everything he does is. He could sneeze and it'd be perfect. But gross, because sneezing means sick and sick means dirty. But still perfect.

"2..."

_You're so gorgeous, and that was so gay._

"1..."

_Maybe I am too._

"Go!"

We shot from our places on the rink like rockets, whizzing past each other so quickly you'd think we'd start smoking. The lights seemed to spin and cascade around us, drowning he and I in a rainbow of hues and glinting colours. I was fast, no doubt, but he was faster. Eren had the upper hand, however, because of his long legs. He sped up and looked back at me, shooting me a wink and continuing his skating. I grunted in response and begged my feet to go faster; I didn't want to lose to this brat. Being small and lithe has its perks, because I was right back at it, right behind him. I let my eyes wander down from the back of his head to his broad shoulders and muscular back, to his (were those curves?) waist and then his almost feminine hips.

_That ass._

_What._

I shook my heads of those thoughts and boosted my speed, watching his confused expression as I passed him. I pulled an "Eren," and turned around, biting my lip and giving him a rather sultry wink. His face blossomed into a sublime stain of pink and red and the sight made me wish that I could paint him, in all his eye-raping glory. I zoomed around the left side side of the silvery rink, determined to win this, when I felt an almost nonexistent touch on my right hip. I spotted Eren blowing me a kiss (that's gay, is he teasing me?) as he finished his first lap, throwing his fist into the air. I growled and flicked him off, trying to gain more ground. I caught up to him again when he had a slight misstep around a curb, catching his amiable, ocean-coloured eyes. They widened slightly at the sight of me and that made my pride grow. I surprised him. He chuckled and did this weird thing where he put his fist to his chest in some sort of salute. I turned up my nose to him and passed him, ready to win this. He tried catching up, but he was clumsy about it and almost fell. I had half a mind to go get him, but I wanted to win this. I wanted that surprise.

I silently cheered as I neared the opening of the rink, turning around to find Eren right behind me. He looked despondent, and I hated that look on his face but my victory got the best of me.

I won, you little shit.

Good job, Levi!" He congratulated, patting me on the back and trying to control his breathing. That took a lot out of both of us. I stiffened. I avoided him and backed away, away from his warm hands and tender touch.

_But his touch is so incredible..._

"Tch. Brat. Of course I did a good job, I'm Levi Ackerman." I smirked at him and his easy-going smile. This kid will be the death of me, if I'm not the death of him first. I seriously might kill him if he keeps up with this teasing shit.

"Someone is cocky! C'mon, since you won. Let's go get some food," He suggested, pointing his thumb behind him. I nodded and we made our way towards the concessions stand. I looked around it, checking for dirt or other nasty things when I realized something.

_I forgot how disgusting food from public places was._

I was about to protest, and maybe ask for a different prize, when I caught sight of Eren grinning. He was leaned over the edge of the counter, his eyes scanning the list of food and drinks. I love that dazzling smile, but not when it was being directed towards some pretty, blue-eyed blonde.

"Hook me up, Armin." He said, giving this Armin chick a happy smile while she rolled her eyes.

_You bitch. Don't roll your eyes at Eren._

"Who's this," Armin asked, giving me a gentle upturn of her lips. Tch. "This is the boy you raced?" I glared at her, willing her to be uncomfortable. Fear me. I confused myself, however. Why am I getting... Jealous? Eren said nothing about Armin being his girlfriend. Why am I acting like I care? Fuck that.

"That's Levi. He won, too!" Eren replied, almost fondly looking over at me. I scowled at him and this little fair-haired twat. Just get me some tea, damn it. It should clear my head.

"Congrats! I'm the only one who usually beats Eren." She chuckled and turned back towards Eren, asking what he wanted. The brunette turned back to me.

"Pick whatever you want! I recommend the wings. They're the best here," He told me, directed his eyes back to Armin. I rolled my eyes and asked for tea and fries. I'd die before I eat something as messy as wings. Eren told me to order whatever but I stood by my choices by insulting the place's cleanliness. Armin looked a bit hurt (good) but Eren giggled. Chuckling, the teal-eyed brat got wings and a Coke. He told Armin he'd see her later as we made our way over to a secluded booth.

As we sat down, I peaked over towards Hanji, Erwin, Isabel, and Farlan. It turns out, Eld and Gunther had finally made it and they were being taught to skate by some short, bald boy. It was rather amusing to watch such big guys learn to skate from a midget. He looked shorter than I did.

"Checking out Connie?" He teased, snickering as he sipped his Coke. I shot him a glare.

"As if. That's gay," I mused, looking down at my tea.

"What's wrong with gay?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at me. All traces of amusement left his face when I actually looked back up to face him. He looked hurt, and quite frankly, a little pissed. He was hiding it, though, behind a face of slight detest. Oh... I must have struck a nerve.

"Nothing?" I stated, but it sounded like a question. I silently hoped I hadn't pissed him off. But why would he get so vexed about homosexuality.

"Damn right, nothing." He told me, smirking at me. This kid has balls.

"Why do you say that? And why did your jaw clench when I said that?" I asked nonchalantly, raising my eyebrows at him. He rolled his eyes, as if my question annoyed him.

"Being gay isn't gross or anything," He began, shrugging. "It's just love. Eld and Gunther? They're gay. It's obvious in the way they look at each other, their mannerisms, and how often they come here and dance together. Friends don't grind on each other the way they do," He giggled, a sweet sound that filled my ears. I found myself smiling at him.

"So, two of my best friends have the hots for each other?" I queried, stealing another glance their way. I never thought anything of the way they were so close. I assumed they were best friends, which I didn't mind. I didn't even mind them being gay (if they were), it's just that I'm not and I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea. I don't need some asshole coming up to me and asking me to suck cock. I might look like a twink, but I'm not. Come to think about it, Eld and Gunther might be cute together. Who would be the girl?

"It seems that way. Either way, if they do or do not, they would still be Gunther and Eld. Still two very good people, with hippie tendencies, and a love for Dr. Pepper. Still fun, still good, still Gunther and still Eld. Being gay or straight won't change that. That's how love works, y'know? You don't change, you just become something else. You become something else together. You're you, but you're you with them. They make your head spin but keep you grounded... All that sappy stuff. I dunno, I'm weird." He turned a shade of pink that made my heart race, and I suppose I could grasp at what he meant about love. But about Gunther and Eld being gay or not?

_That's true... Hm_.

"You've got a nice way of looking at things, Kid." I told him as I slipped a fry into my mouth. He shrugged.

"I guess so. Sorry for getting all preachy. I can't stand homophobes," Eren didn't watch the sauce of his hot wing, and it dripped down the side of his finger. The sight was grotesque and I was about to shove a napkin into his hands when he licked a stripe up the side of his thumb, effectively giving me warm feeling in my lower abdomen. Woah...

"It's fine..." I stared at him as he ate happily, giggling every now and then when Eld or Gunther would fall.

This kid is seriously going to be the end of me. From his messy mop of chocolate-brown hair to his khaki skinny jeans, he has me curious. I thought he was some dumb, pretty, spoiled brat who got his way because no one wanted to deal with his determination but then he gives me this life talk about how love is love and you won't change if you're gay or straight or whatever. Eren's got my heart racing and I don't even know why. Does it feel like this to meet someone new? It can't be. Nothing like this happened when I met Hanji or Erwin or, hell, Petra.

_Ignore it. It's probably just heart-disease from these fries or this tea_.

"I love the way Eld keeps his hair. That's cute," He offered out of no where, barely paying attention to what he was saying. Why did that make my stomach drop? Why do I want to slap Eld?

"I guess,"

"Do you like this [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3O1_3zBUKM8)?" He asked me, turning his bright eyes back on my dull ones. I was struck, as always, by the sheer depth of them. He's truly a gorgeous guy. How do you even get that colour for your eyes? Are they contacts? But what did he say? What? What song is this? He's so damn random.

"What is it?" I gave him, staring back into his eyes. Seriously, are you wearing contacts?

"La La La by Naughty Boy and Sam Smith," Eren smiled as a chorus of "la's" rang through the speakers around us. I had to admit this song was great for dancing, and sounded a bit interesting.

"You like stuff like this?" I questioned. I honestly wanted to know what he liked. It could range from classic rock to bubblegum pop, but I couldn't see him listening to either. He was weird.

"Well... Sure. I love a lot. I like indie, classic rock, dubstep... I like whatever I'm feeling, I guess. How about you?" His head turned slightly to the left, and it was magnificent. He genuinely wanted to know what I liked. If that isn't heart-stopping, I don't know what is.

"Favourite band of all time is My Chemical Romance, but I guess... Alternative, classic rock, metalcore, anything that's got meaning," I answered, watching as his face lit up when I mentioned MCR.

"You like MCR, too?" I asked, letting a small smile grace my lips. He couldn't. That would be too much for me.

"I Don't Love You is my jam," Eren told me, grinning. We kept talking about music, from Asking Alexandria to Zeppelin, and I can't say I minded his company. He was easy-going and light, happy and cheerful. It was like having an intelligent conversation with the epitome of what laid-back yet fun was. He was like the sun, all warm and bright. A little ray of sunshine. I couldn't see why he wanted to talk to an asshole like me. I downed him a lot, but he shrugged it off and that made me want to talk to him even more. What really shocked me, though, was how much he livened me up. He lit a fire within me that kept me going and I didn't feel like dousing the flames. I guess the saying is true, opposites attract. The sun and sea seemed to prefer to sky and the moon. I couldn't get over how great he was, how into this simple conversation he was. It was delightful.

"...No, Nirvana is perfect. Don't even go there," He teased me, swatting at my arm playfully. I felt myself go red at the contact but I had to remark.

"Don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song that's flawless,"

"And what song is that from?" He chided, looking at me. Shit. He had me caught.

"...Lane Boy, Twenty One Pilots." We both started laughing, his a deep and gracious noise and mine a soft chuckle. He wiped under his eye as a faux tear fell down, and my watching him startled me as I realized it was my new favourite pass time. He was rambling about how he thought the drummer from TøP, Josh Dunn, was really great but I couldn't listen; I was too busy looking at him. Not looking at him, I mean really looking. Taking in the way his hair fall, the way his eyes shined when he thought he was going to win or he was talking about something passionately, the way his jaw clenched when he was mad, the way his lips seemed feather-light, the way he seemed to just radiate a pure, welcoming feeling, it was all affecting me in a strange way. The way his hair fell, I wanted to run my hands through it. The glint in his eyes, I wanted it to be for me. The clench in his jaw, I wanted to make him smile it away. The lightness of his lips, I wanted to kiss them.

I wanted to _kiss_  him.

I  _wanted_  to  _kiss_  him.

_This guy, I want to kiss him._

I gasped out loud.

"... His hair too! Oh my G- Hey, you okay? Are you choking?" He stopped mid sentence to see if I was alright. He was actually concerned. The light in his eyes ebbed into something else, something almost affectionate. I nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I like Josh Dunn too, he's great," I just agreed so he would leave me in thought again. He looked reluctant to continue, but he did and I loved watching him talk.

_Was I... Do I like Eren?_

_No. He's a guy. Your brain is just all weird 'cause he's new and he has a wonderful personality._

_But being gay doesn't change anything._

_Except your life and sexual preference._

I mentally groaned. This was way too confusing. I don't like a guy, he's just really cool. I don't want a dick in my ass. That's just weird. Fuck that. Why is this so hard for me to grasp? Why do I even have these feelings for him? These shitty emotions are probably just side effects from being here too long, with all these fumes and gross people. That's it.

_That doesn't change the fact that Eren is by far the most amazing person you've ever met. No, it doesn't_.

"He's a really nice guy," I blurted aloud. Oh shit.

"Yeah, Josh really is. Don't take this weird, but I ship him with Tyler." He started giggling, and I knew I couldn't get enough of it. I smiled at him and he started laughing a little harder, his face turning red with exertion. I started to chuckle as well because his little tee-heeing is infectious. We both started all-out roaring with laughter, for no apparent reason. I couldn't look away; my own chuckling had caused him to guffaw like this. That's priceless.

"You're so weird, Levi," Eren shot his eyes over to me with a strange look on his face. What is that? His lids were downcast a bit, and his cheeks were a sharp pink. His lips were upturned ever so slightly and parted a bit. It was rather cute, if I'm honest. He looks... Happy. Happy and content with what we're doing. I guess I was staring too long because he giggled nervously and straightened up.

"Not bad weird, though. You're entertain-"

"EREN!"

We both looked over towards the loud interruption. I groaned and Eren smiled as Hanji came over with Erwin in tow. Why now? Why me?

"You guys look comfortable!" Hanji mentioned, sitting right next to Eren. I was tempted to throw her out, but I knew Eren didn't like Hanji and Hanji was desperately in love with Moblit.

"Sorry we're over here though! Isabel and Farlan had to go. Poo. Eld and Gunther are racing," She pointed towards the two seniors as they trekked around the rink. They do look cute.

"Good for them, and sorry about Isabel and Farlan," The brunette said to Hanji, giving her a happy grin. "We were comfortable. And now you guys can be, 'cause I gotta get back to work." Eren shot me an apologetic look and I rolled my eyes. Chuckling, He slipped out of the booth and waved goodbye to us. I watched him as he proceeded over towards some brown-haired girl at the DJ station. He told her something and she eagerly nodded as she shoved a potato chip in her mouth. Gross. He turned around and gave Hanji, Erwin, and I a thumbs up as he rolled away on his skates towards the rink. I was confused by what he did until I heard the first notes of Eren's favourite Twenty One Pilots song came on. I'd never personally heard it, but I've heard Erwin mention them a lot. Typical of Eren to listen to something pretty chill and fun but meaningful. It was typical of Eren to seem chill and fun, but be meaningful. Little shit.

_**I just want to stay in the sun where I find,** _

_**I know it's hard sometimes,** _

_**Pieces of peace in the sun's peace of mind,** _

_**I know it's hard sometimes.** _

"You looked pretty happy talking to him, Levi," Erwin observed, casting me knowing look.

"He's a nice guy. Good taste in music, bad taste in food." I told him, recalling his choice of hot wings. I looked down at my own little red-n-white box and noticed I'd eaten none of the fries. Tch. I gave them over to Hanji.

_**Yeah I think about the end just way too much,** _

_**But it's fun to fantasize,** _

_**On my enemies I wouldn't wish who I was,** _

_**But it's fun to fantasize.** _

"He loves Panic! At The Disco," Hanji said, looking over the fries as if I had poisoned them.

"I know. He likes The End Of All Things the best," I felt good knowing a lot about Eren. Erwin and Hanji looked at each other with smirks on their faces. I rolled my eyes. Not this again.

"Is there some joke going on between you two?"

"No, of course not. We just knew you'd become friends with that cutie," Hanji told me, eating away. I narrowed my eyes at her, not accepting her answer.

"Eyebrows?"

"Well... Eren and you have rather conflicting personalities. Hanji, since she's going to be a psyche majour, wanted to see if two very different people could actually get along. She was right," He mused, giving Hanji a more-than-friendly look. Hm...

"Yes! That's it!" Hanji squawked. I rolled my eyes and sat back in my seat, watching Eren mill around the rink. He was currently dancing with a freshman girl. The sight irked me but I noticed he didn't look to into it. Despite this being his favourite TøP song, he wasn't jamming like he did to the last Clean Bandit song we heard. Why? I secretly wished that he was missing being over here with me, like I was, but that probably wasn't the case. He would find a prettier girl to dance with and go along his merry way, but he didn't seem like that kind of guy. He doesn't judge by how things look. He's a genuinely good individual and that made me smile.

"Levi! You're smiling!" Hanji gasped dramatically.

"Fuck you, Shitty Glasses." I growled at her she crooned. Erwin just laughed along, like a good little minion to her evil deeds. Big Asshole. The two giggled and talked about how well Hanji's psyche classes are going, as well as Erwin's next FBLA meeting. These two seemed to have it completely figured out and I'm sitting here with only a love for math and maybe a gay-ass-crush on Eren. Fuck my life.

As they chatted, I continued watching the pretty brunette work his way around the rink and sides. He loved this job, that wasn't hard to figure out. He was also very kind to others, helping kids who couldn't skate, getting people drinks, talking to those who looked alone. Eren is a bona fide perfect person.

_And way out of_ anyone's _league._

He flitted around like a little fairy, delicate and pretty, but he truly wasn't. The soft colours that bled from the glow-sticks and lights painted him like an exquisite painting, and I was by far the going to be the highest bidder. I could sit around and make poetry about the auspicious, golden boy all day, but I think I could sum him up in only one word.

_Eren._

"-evi? Leeeviiiii? C'mon! It's time to go!" Hanji snapped me out of my reverie, grinning at me with a wild smile. I noticed that Erwin, Eld, and Gunther were getting their things together and Hanji was waiting for me to do the same. I nodded at her and stood up, adjusting my t-shirt.

"Let's go,"

About an hour later, when I was finally home, I went straight to my room. The street lights cast their light green glow onto my bed through the dark, and the sight made me refer back to the green-eyed boy I met earlier today. I bit my lip and left the light out. I'd rather sit here and think about him. Think about every little detail I could remember. My mind was filled with his face, his smile, his voice, his scent.

_Sweet. Like the sea._

Sitting down on my bed with my PC, I logged into YouTube and searched up my favourite MCR playlist. As the lyrics to "I Don't Love You," played, I couldn't help but remember it was Eren's favourite. He likes this song enough to call it his favourite MCR song. I smiled and started recalling his favourite bands and singers.

_"I really love Lana Del Ray, The Arctic Monkeys, and Jack Johnson... I think my favourite Lana song is Young & Beautiful. But my favourite song right now is Ride by Twenty One Pilots. It's happy and chill but meaningful and cool and just, wow."_

I remembered him saying that, word for word. I typed in Twenty One Pilots in the search bar and, after falling in love with Polarized and Message Man, I stumbled across something else. The title was intriguing, as most of their songs had rather different titles. I clicked on it nonetheless, and I couldn't say I wasn't instantly hooked on this [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEiVnNNpJLA).

As Tyler Joseph sang lyrics that seemed just for me, I flipped over onto my back and stared at my ceiling. I let Eren fill my thoughts again. He's been plaguing me relentlessly since I met him and it's just... Weird. I mean, why him? Why me? He's a guy too, so what's with that? My whole life I was into... Now that I think about it, no one. I've never been truly into anyone, except Petra. Even then, I didn't get all the butterflies and awkward moments with her. She made me feel good. She made me feel happy. At least, I think I was happy.

_**Scared of my own image, scared of my own immaturity,** _

_**Scared of my own ceiling, scared I'll die of uncertainty.** _

I met this guy _today_  and I couldn't even think about anything but him. Him. Shouldn't I be worried about my next girlfriend? I was dumped yesterday. I should be all upset and shit, but I'm not. I'm not.

_**Fear might be the death of me, fear leads to anxiety,** _

_**Don't know what's inside of me.** _

Hm. Tyler sure knows what he's talking about. I wish I knew what I was talking about, or thinking about. Sitting in the dark alone has me thinking some weird ass shit. My emotions were starting flood me, as well as bizarre thoughts. Eren was a fucking guy! You've never liked guys before, Levi. You didn't like girls either, though...

_What the fuck am I doing with my life?_

I shook my head and looked at the screen. Black and white squiggles met my eyes and I found myself wishing I were staring into bright, glimmering pools of teal-turquoise. Or were they green? I couldn't even tell. They were mesmerizing and extraordinary. It wasn't even just his overly large, overly lovely eyes. Everything about this boy has got my head spinning and my heart thumping. As I thought over each individual feature, I could picture a moment centered around it.

His nose, I could see him and I getting nose piercings together. His usually furrowed eyebrows, I pictured them turned up in surprise when I got him a birthday gift. His strong cheek bones, I wanted to see myself kissing them as we talked about random things.

* * *

_** {Skip if you want to! This is your warning!} ** _

His adorable and slightly large ears, I could see myself biting them seductively. His deeply tanned, caramel-coloured skin, I wanted to map out every inch of it with my tongue.

I, then, noticed I was sporting something in my jeans. I rolled my eyes and willed my awkward boner to go away. I got off my bed and changed into a pair of sweat pants and a white tank top. Fuck a shower tonight, I wanna think about Eren.

_Eren. Eren and his tanned skin, his pink lips, his beautiful big eyes, his small waist, his stunning body against my own, writhing underneath me as he's calling out to God, calling out to me, calling my name. Levi. The only thing he'll be able to remember after I'm done with him. His ocean eyes staring up at me from between my legs, his pert lips around me, all over me, Eren._

I bit my lip again. I'll make it quick. Stripping off my clothes, I took care of what Eren did to me.

Later that night, I found myself chanting his name like a prayer as I brought myself to the highest peaks of self-pleasure.

_Eren, Eren, Eren_.

I need a shower.

_** {End} ** _

* * *

I sighed and took one last look at the computer. I don't know how [Lana Del Rey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_1aF54DO60) made her way onto it, but I think her song choice spoke perfectly to how I was feeling. I jumped into the shower and took care of whatever I needed to, thinking about that golden-boy Brat the entire time. I rolled my eyes at myself as I dried off and slipped on just a pair of boxers. Folding my clothes and putting the dirty ones in the hamper, I made my way over to my bed. I let Lana sing before I turned off my computer and put it back in its place on my desk.

I went to bed that night, dreaming of that face.

**He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds.**

**Will you still love me when I am no longer young and beautiful?**

**Will you still love me when I've got nothing but my aching soul?**

**I know you will.**

I know you will.


	6. What We Believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 Summary: Eren's POV! This chapter will follow Eren after he and Levi's talk-session is interrupted, while he's jamming with freshmen. He's going to have trouble getting Levi off his mind, he chats with Armin about him. He goes home and recalls some memories and what a new interest might do for him. He's hurting a bit in this chapter, and you'll get to see a side of Eren that no one has ever really seen before. Less warnings, but Eren calls himself the "f" word. Also, Connie is mentioned to be a bit of a pothead (marijuana user!) as well as Eren's ex-boyfriend. By the way, there's a little bit of Reiner/Eren but it's just memories. We'll see where everything takes us, huh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate everything that you guys do. I didn't think this fiction would get more than a few hits and, maybe, a Kudos or two but I was wrong! You're the best. cx  
> Thanks so much, and enjoy!

_Eren_

"EREN!"

 _Oh Shit, she scared me._ I looked over to where that voice was screeching from and saw Hanji and Erwin. I heard Levi groan and I chuckled a bit before turning my attention to the brunette who had taken a seat next to me. That was fast.

"You guys look comfortable!" Hanji exclaimed, giving Levi and I a wry look. I turned a little red, knowing what she must be thinking.

 _This is totally not a date._ Not that I'm opposed to a date! But I-I don't want one either, because I don't like Levi like that. Yeah. Uh, anyway.

_Be quiet, brain._

"Sorry we're over here though! Isabel and Farlan had to go. Poo. Eld and Gunther are racing," She pointed towards Eld and Gunther and I almost turned to Levi with a knowing look. They looked really nice together, Eld and Gunther. I noticed Levi was staring at them with an almost surprised yet content look on his face. He thinks they're cute, I just know it.

"Good for them, and sorry about Isabel and Farlan," I told Hanji, giving her a happy grin. "We were comfortable. And now you guys can be, 'cause I gotta get back to work." I didn't want to get back to work, honestly, but I knew if Shadis caught me I would have a new one torn for me. It wasn't because I wanted to stay with Levi, that's not it. Not at all. However, I gave him a look that said that I was sorry and he rolled his eyes. I laughed at that and slipped out of the booth, waving goodbye to the trio. He's a rude little man, but it was kind of nice for someone to be openly rude to me in place of a lot of girls flirting or kissing my ass. He was, however, rude to Hanji and Erwin too.

 _They seem like good friends,_  I thought as Shitty Glasses (damn, Levi was rubbing off on me) started teasing the ravenette. The sight made me wonder what they were talking about as I made my way over to the DJ station. A mission was on my mind. A mission, indeed.

_Feel like a sir._

"Hey Sash," I said, giving her my classic, cheeky grin. She looked up from her bag of potato chips and greeted me.

"Mind giving the next song over to me?" I giggled and she nodded at me. She checked how long the current song, and it would be over in about fifteen seconds.

"Sure, whatever you want," Sasha told me as she shoved some more chips in her mouth. I don't think she ever stops eating.

"How about... [Ride ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw-0pbY9JeU)by Twenty One Pilots?" She rolled her eyes and nodded at me. She knows I love this song. I turned around and gave the trio a thumbs up before I rolled onto the rink, looking for someone who might need some help. Despite loving my job and helping people out, I couldn't focus. Usually, if something needed my attention, it was first and foremost but I... I don't know. Flashes of grey eyes and charcoal hair filled my mind.  
 _Levi?_

No that's not him. Okay, maybe that's definitely his sharp cheek bones and thin eyebrows and cutely thin lips and- I don't like Levi.  _Do I_? No, of course not. I can't like Levi, even if his eyes are dreamy and his skin is perfect and his voice is sexy and...

 _You're getting ahead of yourself, Eren._   _Shut up, thoughts._

I looked back over towards the black-haired teen and I felt my heart skip a beat. Maybe... Maybe I do? I guess it would be hard to  _not_ fall for him. He may be crude, a smart ass, and a little rough around the edges, but he's a very nice guy. He exuded mystery, and it thrilled me. People are easy for me to deal with, all I have to do is crack a smile or prove them wrong but with Levi... He's bizarre, he's different. He's confident but farouche. He's rude but kind. He's just...  _wow._ He's  _Levi_  And  _wow._  
And I think I like that.

Shaking my head, I watched as the rink started to come alive. More people were pouring in and that meant more people needed a planette. Plus, the black lights and glow-in-the-dark stars were finally making appearances. This place was really starting to shine. I made my way over to a freshman girl with big, grey-blue eyes and I helped her tie her skates. I doubted that she didn't know how, but it helps my job so I didn't mind. After finishing up, her friends asked me to come and dance with them. I almost denied them when I realized it  _was_  part of my job to entertain as well. I grinned at the girls and nodded, agreeing to accompany them. They started their high-pitched squealing and I thought my ears were going to bleed. I felt my hands being tugged on as I was pulled onto the rink, and I mentally sighed. I instantly had a junior spinning me around and two freshman at my hips. I internally groaned because  _freshmen are whores (mostly)._  I tried to put on a smile for these girls so they would think I was actually enjoying their company, but God knows I would rather be back in that crowded booth with Levi talking about how Jet and Iggy Pop sounded the same a lot of the time.

_Why are you thinking about him when that adorable freshman boy is batting his eyes at you?_

Because that freshman boy isn't a boy at all. I looked a bit closely and realized it was actually a pretty attractive girl with a boy hair-cut.

 _That's kind of adorable._  I started swaying my hips to the beat of the Twenty One Pilots song I had requested and watched the little brunette girl wander off, catching the hand of a petite raven-haired girl as they walked over to the concession stand together. I started letting the song guide my movements and I couldn't help but smirk at the sound of girls cooing and cat calling at my dancing. Rolling my stomach, I shot some chick with blue hair a wink and she turned a bright shade of red. I love performing, holy shit.

_This is totally my element._

Tyler Joseph is right, I've been thinking too much. It's time to let Eren do what Eren does best:  _Perform._ I placed a hand on my chest and bit my lip, looking over at a girl from my science class. I think her name was Mina. She laughed at me and waved me away, silently telling me to get on with something more entertaining. I rolled my eyes dramatically and danced my heart out, doing tricks on my skates for the girls and guys here. I got a few more cat-calls and even some wolf-whistles as I joined another group of girls, who looked to be juniors. Even though they were less forward with their flirting, they were sure as hell dirtier dancers. But, since I'm a Jaeger, I'd show them up. Popping my hip to one side and thrusting a hand in the hair, I started oozing sex appeal with my fierce gyrating and swaying. Squeals and squeaks from men and women alike gave me (even more of) the confidence to keep on moving and shaking, becoming a rather big spectacle as I carried on with my presentation of self. I suppose I was performing a bit lewdly for tonight but, in my mind, I was showing off for only one person. That person was Levi, but I guess I didn't notice he'd already left. I seemingly owned the rink (turned dance floor) as I heard cheering going on. When I finally noticed how...  _salacious_  I was being, I stopped and gave a wink to a random heartthrob as I made my way back towards Armin.

Panting from my previous partying, I hopped onto the counter of the stand and demanded water. Armin graciously supplied because he knew that I would die without it. He's the best friend ever, oh my fuck.

"Done with being a male stripper?" He asked teasingly, poking my stomach. I groaned and ran a hand through my hair.

"I'm not a male stripper, I was just having a good time."

" _Too_ good of a time," He stated, smirking at me. I knew he wasn't going to let me live this down.

"I  _am_ too good of a time, Armin." At that, he rolled his eyes and started wiping down the rest of counters. We began talking about how I looked out there and how attractive some of the guys and girls were.

"... How about the lesbians? I always find that kind of intriguing." Blondie told me, eyeing Brown Boy Cut and Blackish from earlier. I nodded and explained that, despite my being gay, women will continue to be beautiful to me. Especially lesbians. Lesbians are  _great_. Armin had to agree, and that led to many things that would make even a sailor blush. I had a good laugh with him, watching him as he blushed at my crude jokes and he even got a kick out of explaining straight sex (more like my reaction, ew). As he squealed about the newest song to be [played](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaXDzh_zoqM), I started thinking about why I put myself out there like that and I came to the conclusion that I just wanted to impress the raven from earlier. I had finally saw that he'd left a while earlier, and it almost killed my vibe.

"What's with the frown?" Armin asked as he bobbed his head along to the music. I instantly tensed up and put on a grin.

"Huh?" I played dumb. No, bad Armin.

"C'mon, Eren. Don't play dumb."

_Damn you, Armin._

"I dunno. I guess I had too much fun tonight," I explained. It wasn't technically a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either. I didn't want to keep Armin in the dark, but I also didn't want to have him teasing me about a guy I might not even like. I know Armin means no harm, but it was too new, this  _feeling_ from that short, grey-eyed God. I don't want my spirits built up too high or crushed. Armin would always give it to me straight, and even though that might be the best course of action, I wanted to be confused a little longer before I faced the music that  _heterosexual Levi_  doesn't like my faggot ass.

"Why is that? You usually keep the provocativeness to a minimum, but tonight you went full hoe," Armin told me, giving me an inquisitive look. I groaned and wanted to tell him to fuck off, but I wasn't that mean.

"I dunno... I just wanted to impress that Levi guy I lost the race to," I came clean, sighing as I did so. I didn't want Armin to shoot me down or build me up. It was like picking at the edges of a band-aid before it was ready to come off; it wasn't pleasant. I also didn't want to look like a sappy fool who fell in love too quickly. That would ruin my reputation as the  _confident brat_.

"Levi? Oh, he was cute but scary. Why do you wanna impress him? Last time I checked, you were into guys like Erwin," He leaned over the counter to look me in the eyes, and I found in his own a motherly expression. It's just like Armin to nonchalantly be concerned.

"Yeah, I am into guys like Erwin. Big, gorgeous, blonde, buff, and mmm... big in all the right place," I practically moaned out loud and Armin choked. I started laughing as he caught his breath, officially appalled by my words. That was probably not the best thing to do, but I love making the coconut smile.

_Wilson!_

"Jesus fucking Christ, Eren." He chuckled, giving me fake and stern glare. I giggled at his facial expression and shrugged, not giving a reason for my foul mouth.

"As I was saying... I am into guys like Erwin, but Levi just... He caught my eye. He's just so different from what I thought I liked," I told Armin, looking dreamily into the crowd of people. Levi truly is different from what I'm used to. I usually love tall, hunky, cuties that make me feel like a tiny, innocent boy or skinny, short and adorable pretty-boys that turn me into an overly cocky daddy. Levi was somewhere caught in between, and I was confused and head over heels. He wasn't tall, but he wasn't tiny. He was big in all the right places (cue the sex noise) and small in places I didn't think would look that good. He was honestly an enigma, and I knew I was hooked on him. He's the kind of guy that brings steaks to a vegetarian get-together, the kind to laugh when you fell down, but help you back up. He was that one week before Christmas, where everything felt wonderful and you get even more excited with each passing hour because you know that you'll get to have something really great really soon, it just wasn't time yet. Levi is... Just...  _Wow._

"Do you think you like him  _because_ he's not usually your cup of tea?" My blonde friend asked, tilting his head to the right. I chuckled at his action, but I took what he said seriously. Do I like Levi because he's not the usual thing I get with? That might be a factor in why he's got me this badly, but usually when I have a type, I don't stray very far.

_You're Eren Jaeger. Of course what you like would be unpredictable._

I considered my brain and Armin's observations. I don't know what to think, but I  _know_  that I have a crush on Levi. Levi, however, has no interest in me. He's straight and that's painfully obvious. Of course the  _one_  guy that has me this attached this quickly is a hetero.  _Fuck._

"Even if I was  _in love_  with him, he's 100% straight and  _not_  into me." I pouted dejectedly, watching as Armin's quizzical eye turned sympathetic. He's been in this situation before, actually, but reversed. I knew he could tell how I felt. Isn't it the number one rule of being gay to  _never fall for a straight person_? Armin placed an arm around me and gave me a quick peck on the cheek bone, resting his forehead against my temple as he whispered,

"You're  _Eren."_

It took me a moment to register what he was telling me, but when he pulled away from me slightly and smirked, I knew.  _I'm Eren fucking Jaeger._ I didn't give up, especially when it came to matters of the heart. I never back down, not even when things seem impossible. I'm unstoppable when I put my mind to something, and absolutely impenetrable when I poured mind, body, and soul into something. I'd even throw in heart, time, blood, sweat, and most likely some tears. This was  _nothing_  compared to what I've done in the past. I'd have Levi as mine if it was the last thing I'd ever do, and I'd make sure he'd like me too. That even rhymed, so it  _must_ happen! I gave myself a mini pep talk and felt like the world had fallen off of my shoulders. Leave it to my best friend to give me both the confidence and the ambition to do something I thought was unfeasible. Armin's smirk only grew as he realized I'd figured it out. I grinned at him and nuzzled his neck, happy to have such an amazing friend.

"You're the best, you know that?"

"Oh, shut up. You already knew you'd get him, you just needed me to reassure you." He and I shared a tight hug, and pulled away smiling like fools. My blue-eyed bestie poured me some Coke and got himself some Sprite as we talked about how I'd make Levi like me back. With Armin's help, I'd have a foolproof plan in twenty minutes. His brains and my drive combined was  _definitely_ a force to be reckoned with. We dived head first into a plot to create a genuine love potion, complete with sexy dancing, song dedication, and sweet do-nothings.

_Levi, you're unmistakably mine._

Several hours later, I found myself jumping into Connie's car and riding home. I tuned out Connie's pothead ramblings ("Dude, I could totally go to space if I wanted,") and thought about Levi. He was certainly a far cry from my twink or bear preferences, but I didn't mind that. I suppose you can't have a specific type if you want to meet people and make yourself happy. Thinking about having a new romantic interest, however, led me to old, surely forgotten memories from days I thought I would never revisit. Mornings filled with bright, honey-coloured eyes and nights spent running my fingers through blonde hair began to plague me, and I can't say I liked it. I also can't say that this [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIjLJPrhCbs) helped at all. Damn you, Connie, and your weird CDs.

_Just not this, Brain. Not this. Not him._

Of course, when the brain is subjected to something that is mildly and/or profusely familiar, it will revert back to what  _makes_  that something familiar. Maybe the smell of cookies makes you think of your grandmother, or freshly cut grass brings you back to the care-free summers of your youth, but any semblance of...  _Love_  gets my head and heart thinking about Reiner. I guess when I thought about actually liking Levi, my mind thought back to my first serious boyfriend. As Peacock Affect's lead singer sang his melancholic tones, Reiner's smile began to stain the inside of my eye lids. I frowned and looked out of the window at the city, watching the bright lights flash by and cars slide away and around us in a blur of colours and sounds.

* * *

_"Eren, don't be scared. I wouldn't lie to you. I'm always straight forward, I'm telling you nothing is going to happen and no one will touch you. I swear."_

_"I know, Rey. I know. I'm just... On the fence about going."_

_"Babe, if you don't want to come to the party, we can stay here. I would never pass up a night with you, especially if we're going to sit on the roof and talk about the future. Our future..." His gorgeously white teeth shined at me the same way his eyes did, with admiration and affection. He didn't mind staying in with me on a Saturday night when Jean was throwing a huge party. He truly didn't care. He just wanted to be beside me, be with me. He could care less about moving and shaking with the entire upcoming sophomore class. Rey just wanted to hold me, talk about our future under the stars while we lit up a joint and drank a little Coke. That's just him. He's perfect. He's absolutely wonderful, and he's mine._

_"Can we just do that?" I questioned, looking up into those tender eyes. He gave me an equally gentle smile and kissed my forehead._

_"Anything for you, Baby." I gently pecked his lips and he tilted up my chin, giving me a real kiss. His lips tasted as sweet as his eyes looked, and I would never be able to get enough of it. We stared at each lovingly for a moment, before looking over at the rising sun. I loved the way the sunshine filtered through the trees in his backyard. It almost looked like some picture out of a fairy tale, whimsical and stunning. The sun cast rays of light upon us, giving the dew on the grass a bright, glassy shine. There were no clouds, and the only way we knew there was life around was the quiet tweeting of birds in the distance and the occasional butterfly. We sat under the apple tree in his backyard all night (and apparently all morning), and did nothing but talk and kiss and hold each other. The wee hours of the morning had passed by quickly and before we knew it, eight o'clock a.m. had hit. Time flies when you're having fun, I suppose. It was a warm, early July morning with no traces of humidity or the usual burning heat that left me darker than usual and Reiner a little sun burned. No, today it was a light, heaven-sent warmth that only came around on perfect mornings. Despite this, nothing could warm me up the way Reiner did. He looked back down at me, a content smile on his face. I loved the way he smiled._

_"I'd give up any and everything to stay in this moment forever, you know." He told me, staring directly into my ocean-coloured orbs. I gazed right back into his, and I couldn't help but see something more than just honey this time. I saw our future, I saw us getting married, I saw he and I adopting a little boy together, I could see everything and anything happening to me, happening with Reiner._

_"Then let's just stay," I pressed my lips to his and he smiled as we kissed, whispering those three words that never failed to get me to smile too._

_"I love you."_

* * *

I snapped back into reality when the car stopped. I shot Connie a grin (which was rather forced) and thanked him.

"Anytime, Bro." He responded. I rolled my eyes and walked inside the house. I guess everyone had fallen asleep because the lights were out, excluding a solitary floor lamp. I smiled, happy I would be alone. I trekked up to my room and ignored the main light switch, settling for the soft glow of my bedside lamp. I crashed onto my bed and looked over my messages on my phone, finding only a few from Mom, Mikasa, and Dad. I shot Dad a quick "nyt, love you" and replied to Mikasa and Mom's texts. I couldn't help the sinking feeling that was threatening to overwhelm me. I thought I was over trying to check my messages and hoping to find one from Reiner. I thought I was done thinking about how I missed him, how great he was, how perfect he and I fit together. I believed I was for so long, but just one thought of someone else sent me spiraling back into the whirlpool I knew as Reiner. Sighing and ignoring the way my lower lip trembled, I switched on my  _Those Days_  playlist and listened as Aaron Lewis [sang](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YOkHujdTMA) me to sleep.

**If you just walked away, what could I really say?**   
**Would it matter anyway? Would it change how you feel?**

I bit harshly into my lip as a tear slipped out of my eye. Why am I even upset? Reiner and I, I thought, had broken up on good terms. We didn't get into a huge fight, no one was hurt physically, and neither of us said something we didn't mean. I still couldn't find closure, however. Perhaps I really was some lovesick fool, and the guy I loved wouldn't like me back, at all. Maybe that's what hurt the most, knowing that Reiner wouldn't love me back. He'd made that clear in September. That was a little over five months ago, and here I am, crying like a little bitch. I rubbed my face roughly to get rid of the tears and looked for something to get me to think of someone or something else. I didn't need this shit. I have work tomorrow. I got up and washed my face in the bathroom. Drying my face, I looked at myself in the mirror and took a deep breath.

_C'mon, Eren. This is what Reiner said you shouldn't do. He knew you'd be upset, and he was right. This is exactly what Mom said would happen if you kept everything all bottled. Get a grip, son._

Shaking my head, I walked back into my room and stripped off my clothes. I threw them onto my desk and slipped on a t-shirt before I got into bed and stared at the ceiling. I heard the next lyrics to Everything Changes playing as I shut my eyes and tried to sleep.

 **If you could learn to forgive me, then I could learn to feel.**  
Sometimes the things I say, in moments of disarray, succumbing to the games we play  
To make sure that it's real.  
But everything changes.

Yeah, Aaron Lewis. Everything changes. Despite being emotionally and physically drained, I couldn't sleep. I knew my dreams would be plagued with recollections of my time spent with Reiner. I don't even understand why. It's been a while since I actually thought about him, almost three months. I don't want to think about Reiner every time I get a crush on someone. I want to be able to move on from this. I want to be happy with someone, but I suppose that's not going to happen.

_What am I doing with my life?_

You're being all whiny about Reiner, that's what you're doing. I cursed at myself and turned over, staring out of the window. My eyes met with the street, and the faint orange-yellow glow of the street lamps. The faded, white lines continually stretched as well as the identically faded yellow lines and I traced them with my eyes, fondly recalling when Reiner and I drew with chalk on those black roads. He kept telling me, over and over again, to let him trace my body and then I trace his so we can hold hands even as drawn pictures. I thought it was dumb and cheesy, but I agreed. I couldn't keep my giggles down when he purposely edged close to my sides; he knew I was ticklish there. I made sure to get him back, though, and pinch his cheek when I traced him. That day, as we looked over our poorly drawn outlines, he told me that nothing would ever capture how beautiful I was to him. I think I'll remember that forever because it was the first genuine compliment I believed. I think I still had the chalk set, too. Every little thing reminded me of him, and it got harder as I pictured he and I sitting on the tail-gate of Mom's truck in the front yard, he and I sharing our first kiss on the porch swing. I even remembered the night we had our first fight, where he'd shown up on the front lawn with a guitar and sang our song as an apology. I was tired as hell and I went to bed angry, but I opened the window and gasped excitedly when I heard him singing to me. Although his voice wasn't perfect, it was still the sweetest thing I'd ever heard.

**And even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream would never do  
'cause I'd miss you, Baby. And I don't wanna miss a thing.**

I smiled at those memories. He haunted me in a way that no one ever did, and to this day I don't think he could be replaced. I may have smiled at my thoughts, but it wasn't a dumb, cheeky grin and it wasn't a fond smile. It was a sad upturn of the lips.  _Fuck,_  I feel like my head is swimming. I hummed the last bit of Aerosmith's "Don't Wanna Miss A Thing," before sleep finally claimed me. I even dreamed about Reiner, and our last sweet talk together.

* * *

_"You miss me, don't you?"_

_"Of course I do, Eren. I miss you even when you're here." I giggled. He was such a charmer and I knew he reserved only the cutest things for me._

_"You should come over and sit under the apple tree with me again. I miss those July mornings," He told me, chuckling deeply into the receiver. I grinned and nodded, even though he couldn't see me._

_"You're so cheesy, Reiner. Why not Sunday?"_

_"Sunday sounds perfect. But, uh, why not now?" He chuckled again, but it was nervous. I questioned his motives and he told me to look outside. I rolled my eyes and opened up the window of my bedroom, peering down at my blonde boyfriend._

_"Hey cutie!" He yelled up at me, waving around his guitar. "Mind if I play you something?"_

_"Go ahead!" I yelled back, muttering about how he's making a fool of himself._

_"I'm not a perfect person; There's many thing I wish I didn't do," He began, softly strumming his beautiful, cherry-red acoustic guitar. "But I continue learning, I never meant to do those things to you. And so I have to say before I go, that I just want you to know..."_

_He knows I love this song. I crooned slightly and whistled for him, grinning at him from above._

_"I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new..."_

* * *

And the reason is you.


	7. & What Is Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 Summary: Levi's POV! The day after he dreams about Eren! It is a rather smutty dream, be prepared! THAT IS YOUR WARNING, QUITE SMUTTY.   
> Levi wakes up and is very uncomfortable. You've been warned. If you do not like it, skip it! It doesn't effect the plot, but it does tie into just how hard Levi is falling and taking this being gay for Eren thing. But skip it if you want! No pressure! He calls Hanji and they have a nice, long chat about what love is and is not and how Levi might be feeling. Our ravenette contemplates staying home or going to the rink with Hanji and Erwin again, and he is just having a war with himself here. His spirits are brightened, though! He also talks things out with Erwin. Oh! And while writing the bit about Levi's emotional shower, I listened to "Stay," by Rihanna and Mikky Ekko. I thought it fit pretty well! =^w^= Enjoy~!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to apologize for my inactivity. School started recently and I hate that I can't write for you guys. I'll try my best to update when I get done with school and homework.   
> #Freshman  
> Again, I'm sorry. Please enjoy three updates! This is also my first time writing smut so PLEASE explain how I can improve. I love constructive criticism as well as compliments. Thank you!

_Levi_   
**{Skip If You Want! Last Warning! Skipping will not hurt the story! Pinky Promise.}**

"Levi," He whispers, staring up at me from his place on the floor. I grunt in response, biting my lip as his big, ocean-coloured eyes stare me dead in the face. I will never get over how sexy he looks when his pupils are blown wide with lust. It's like an angel turned succubus; beautiful and innocent but dirty, deceitful, and damn.

He gives me a wry little smirk before sticking out that devilish tongue and tasting the pearls of precome that leak from my member. A shiver runs down my spine from the contact and I know he notices it because he does it again, and again, and again before wrapping those incredible lips around me. Fuckin' God, he's good. I let out a soft groan and this eggs him on. I watch as he takes me farther down his throat, and the sight is enough to make me orgasm on the spot. I should take a picture of this perfect little brat practically choking on my cock, the tears pooling in his eyes and causing them to glitter. If this isn't a form of art, I don't know what is.

_He's so stunning, Oh fuck._

"Do you like that?" I asked, running a hand through his hair affectionately. Even though I was the one being pleased, I still want to let him know that his feelings matter at any time. He seems to realize this because he smiles around my pulsing arousal and leans into my touch, causing more of me to disappear inside his throat. I felt my heart leap and I stutter out his name. He looks up at me fiercely, narrowing his eyes. He's asking a silent question of dominance. I scowl at him, but more at myself for saying his name and giving him that impression. He brings that soft, tanned hand up to my hip and strokes it gently, a sharp contrast to the rough actions he's performing with his mouth. I try and control myself from bucking up and into his throat, but my hips sputtered and he whimpered around me. The vibrations caused me to cry out, wrenching my half-lidded eyes all the way open. Eren smirks around me and hums, causing me to repeat my actions. I roughly grab his hair and force his eyes to meet mine. Every little thing he does, from his panting to the delicious way he bobs his head, is incredible.

"Behave and you can set the way we do this but if you keep doing that, I'm gonna fuck your face." I meant it as a threat, and a bit of a warning. He knew I wouldn't force him into anything, but perhaps that's what he wanted. Relinquishing complete and utter control over to me. Just the thought of it had my body aching for him. I didn't miss the wicked glinting in his eyes as he hummed again, causing me to let go of a ragged breath. I looked at him, smirking and giving him a sultry wink.

"So you want that, huh? You want me to ruin that pretty little mouth?" I watched him as he moaned involuntarily at my words. Goosebumps sprang up on his skin, and I had half a mind to rub them away, but the offer just presented to me was too good to pass up. He pulled off my cock with a wet "pop," and licked his lips. His intense, salacious stare was getting me harder than I already was and I knew I wouldn't be able to hold out long. I shifted my eyes downwards and noticed that his own member was dripping onto the floor. I thought to myself about how much he must love this. I didn't even think about having to clean that later because Eren was truly a sight to behold.

His golden-toned body shivered in anticipation and a bead of sweat had formed on his forehead from the heat of what we were doing, as well as what he had been working on. His gracefully long legs were folded under him and, as well as his well-defined arms, they were covered in a slight sheen of perspiration. His chest rose and fell ragged with every breath and I could barely hold myself back from devouring him whole right now. As I stated earlier, this brat is a sight to behold.

He placed a kiss on the tip of my cock and bat his eyes at me. Eren knew his little tricks and teasing got me even more on edge, but the words that came out of his mouth almost had me falling apart.

"Ruin me,"

** {End} **

* * *

I shot out of bed, sweating and panting like I'd just ran a marathon.

_What in God's name?_

I looked around, gasping for air. Noticing that it was still not light out, I imagined it was around five a.m. I took a calming breath and ran a hand through my damp hair, searching for the cause of my sudden alertness. As I shifted a bit, I noticed something warm pooling between my thighs. My eyes widened slightly. What the hell could that be? Lifting up my blankets and looking into my underwear, I groaned at the sight of a ... nocturnal emission. What had I even been dreaming about? No time to think about it now, I told myself as I rubbed the shit off my inner thighs and onto my already soiled underwear. Cursing at the revolting actions of my unconscious body, I stripped off my clothes and slipped on my [bathrobe](http://media.kohls.com.edgesuite.net/is/image/kohls/1882293?wid=500&hei=500&op_sharpen=1) as I yanked the blankets, sheets, and pillows of of my bed.

"Stupid teenage body," I muttered as I threw them in a hamper. Picking up the container, I went down to the basement, where the washer and dryer were located, and tossed them in with the darks. I mentally thanked Kenny for washing the dark load first as I went back upstairs and towards my bedroom. I folded my bathrobe as I turned on the hot water, getting ready for a shower. I stepped into the near-scalding hot spray and practically groaned at how wonderful the warm water felt. I quickly but thoroughly scrubbed my entire body and thought I might as well do my hair too. As I sighed into the sensation of running my fingers through my locks, I began to wonder what caused me to have that accident this morning. I tried to remember my dream, and what I found was -

_Oh, fuck._

I thrust my head into the side of the shower wall, sending a waves of pain throughout my head, neck, and jaw but those weren't the only things hurting. I groaned, trying to sort out the strange happenings inside my mind.

I get it, okay? I fucking get it. My interest in Eren might not just be friendly, but why? It seems as though my heart is more attracted to him than my head wants to be, and these thoughts and feelings are seriously bringing me down. As I removed my head from the wall, and replaced it with my hands, I felt water trickle down my nose and chin as I leaned into the overly-hot sprinkling. Despite the stream of water being almost scorching, I didn't notice. My mind was elsewhere.

I can't be gay, can I? I've never liked guys before and I always found the female form pretty pleasing. I loved the way women looked, but why haven't I had a wet dream about a girl ever? I've never ever had a wet dream and the first time I do, I'm getting head from a boy. I tugged at my hair with my left hand before slipping it back against the shower tiles. I don't understand!

How can I go from loving Petra (at least I thought I loved Petra) to fantasizing about Eren? Just his name made my heart beat faster in my chest, and I squished my eyes shut in an effort to make it stop. Why does he do this to me? How come my heart didn't speed up around Petra? Why didn't I feel weak in the knees when Petra was around? Why does it ache and hurt so bad? Why? Just fucking why?

_Fuck._

I gnawed on my bottom lip as I looked up and away from the white tiles. I don't know what overcame me but I felt a sense of hurt that I'd never felt before. I took a breath and placed a hand over my heart.

Why is this so hard? I had so many questions and absolutely no answers. I just don't understand what happened! My entire sense of identity has been altered, and all because of some shitty brat.

What's his damn deal anyway? What right does he have being so fucking great? He shouldn't parade around like the epitome of perfection and be able to get away with it. He probably isn't gay anyway, so I'm just pining for something I'll never even have. Why am I even getting worked up about this? This is probably just some passing fancy. I'll get over it, I just have to get him out of my mind and life. At that thought, both my head and heart started sinking.

_What the fuck?_

It was like disowning a bad addiction, you have to go cold turkey. Right? Why does it hurt to even think of never seeing Eren again? I began to ponder the prospect of literally never seeing Eren again, as if he had been completely eradicated from the earth, and I felt my eyes start to well up. Flashes of those beautiful eyes and that charming smile started to imprint themselves on my eyelids and I can't say I did not smile. I didn't want to not see him again. I wanted to get to know him, talk to him and laugh at him,smile with him and kiss those adorable lips. I just couldn't, though. I didn't want to like Eren. I really didn't, but I couldn't keep denying what I felt. Isn't there some weird saying about bottling up how you feel? Is it better to bottle than to openly deny? Where is Erwin's wise ass when you need him?

I'm not really sure how to feel about this. More and more questions continue to bedevil me and I was still chasing those nonexistent answers. I guess I could admit that Eren had made shift inside of me. From the moment I laid eyes on him, I felt less incomplete. I felt less like I hated the rink, hated Hanji, hated what had been going in my life. New emotions flooded inside of me, like some sort of sentimental eruption, and my denial of them was like trying to find the guts to tear the petals off of a newly bloomed rose. I took my hands off of the wall and pressed my back against it, sliding down slowly as my brain conjured up images of Eren and I.

Who was I to hurt myself like this? Who was I to give up on something that hadn't even had the chance to commence? Ugh, this whole "feelings" shit is all out of whack for me. I could practically hear Hanji telling me to get a grip and accept what I was. And, come to think of it, I might not even be gay; I might just be gay for Eren.

_Gay for Eren._

That made my lips turn up into a tiny smile, but it was quickly replaced by a frown. Eren probably isn't gay. I sighed and buried my head in my hands. I need some tea.

I looked up at the shower and let the spray hit my face before I hopped out and dried off, never taking my mind of that green-eyed brat. I went into my bedroom with the towel draped around my waist and looked for something comfortable to wear for today. Fuck Sundays. I scanned my closet and pulled out an MCR [hoodie](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/cd/72/f5/cd72f5af11e07231e222adaa9ffb7483.jpg) (it was rather ironic) and a white tank-top. I threw on a pair of grey skinny jeans to go with it and grabbed my [phone](http://cdn3.bigcommerce.com/s-qrei1/products/2149/images/4704/Attack_on_Titan_Logo_Galaxy__25921.1413960988.500.750.jpg?c=2), along with a pair of ear buds. I placed them in my ears and pressed next when a damn Miley Cyrus song came on (I shouldn't let Erwin near my phone, he's a die-hard Smiler) as I made my way towards the kitchen. I noticed the note on the fridge and quickly read it, recognizing Kenny's messy script immediately. It said he'd be late from work again and to make sure I go to bed at a decent time. Rolling my eyes, I began making my tea. As I was brewing the drink, I took the time to notice what [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xp2P6JKc1QE) this was. I guess Our Lady Peace was a good fit for my mood.

I filled up my special kettle with cold water and placed it on the stove to let it boil as my mind wandered through darker and darker territory.

Would I be treated differently if I were to come out and say, "Hey, I'm pretty much gay but for only this one guy?" Would it matter, honestly? Sure, I was pretty popular at school. I had a lot of people who wanted to know me, but I wanted nothing to do with them. I kept my circle small, and I trusted Hanji and Erwin the most. I'm positive they wouldn't leave me if I were to tell them. Besides, why would they? It was just like Eren said, love is love. It doesn't matter if you're with a guy or a girl or someone who doesn't identify, as long as it's something you both think is real. I wouldn't mind too much if I lost someone due to what I liked, because they weren't a true friend if they did leave. I don't need that shit. I just needed something to keep me going while I'm working this shit through. I don't care about my social status as much as people would like me to. If I'm honest, I just want to be Levi and be happy. However, it seems like being both of those things is kind of impossible.

Nothing in this world is free, so what is the price I pay if I find happiness? Yeah, I might lose the interest of a lot of girls and I might lose some respect from homophobes, but would that matter at the end of the day? All in all, when everything is over, I'm the one living my life. Might as well try and be happy doing that, right? If only it were that easy.

I poured my tea into the kettle and sighed, walking down to the kitchen island and sitting on one of the stools.

Eren was the only person who had the ability to light such a fire in me, and that was after only a day of knowing one another. I wondered what a week spent with him would be like. Would a habit of his annoy me? Would I get tired of him? Would he get tired of me? All are possible outcomes, but I didn't see any of them actually happening. I had this peculiar feeling that he truly wasn't like that. Of course everyone had weird habits but I believed I wouldn't absolutely despise any of his. It could be as simple as energetic finger tapping or as complex as OCD and I wouldn't mind. That's just Eren, and I think I'm starting to accept that, maybe, I really like that.

I realized my tea had finished brewing after around five minutes. I got up, albeit a bit sluggishly, and let it cool on the counter top. I turned off the stove and checked my phone for anything important. I switched off my music and pulled out my ear-buds. I had my usual barrage of messages from Hanji, a good few from Erwin, and couple from Gunther, and one from Eld. I tried replying quickly but when I got to Hanji, I found myself pressing the call button.

"HI LEVI!" She screamed into the receiver. I instantly pulled the phone away from my ear and started growling obscenities at the lunatic. I was beginning to regret calling her, but I knew I had to get her opinion. This was not something I could keep from Hanji. Besides, I usually turn to her for important shit. I silenced her rambling by clearing my throat.

"Hanj, listen."

"I'm all ears, Beautiful! Take two."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, praying to any god up there that this wouldn't sound insane.

"I like Eren. I like, like him." I puffed and let what I said sink in for her. I was waiting for her to call my bluff, to call me weird, to say anything but I was met with quiet. I listened to her silence and wondered what the fuck she was about to do or say. I was going to repeat myself, because she might not have heard me, when she spoke up.

"I already knew you had a crush on Eren," She giggled.

What the hell? How did she know!? I wasn't obvious! Tch! This is why she was my friend; she knew what I was thinking before even I did. "But I'm glad you actually told me, and are admitting it. You're having issues dealing with it, right? Well, sit tight, and let Mama Hanji 'git down to bidness'," I did not, in fact, sit tight; I sat comfortably. I pressed the phone between my shoulder and ear as I poured myself a cup of tea and sat down in Kenny's recliner as she talked me through some of the questions I've been having. I'm so glad I could count on Hanji.

"Eren is a great guy, Yeah?" Hanji asked me. I could practically hear her smile and the thought made me scowl. But just the mention of Eren's name got a small grin to appear on my face.

"I guess so." I admitted, sighing in defeat. She's going to do this that way.

"Look, Levi. It isn't as strange as you think. I mean, we live in New York. That was one of the first states to allow gay marriag-"

"I didn't say I wanted to marry the brat, damn Hanji." I growled at her. She only laughed at me.

"I know! I was just saying that if New York allows gay marriage, then it isn't going to be much of a problem for you to date a guy. If you do decide to pursue a relationship with Eren, you won't be seen as the stereotypical "gay guy," you'll just be seen as Levi. Of course, there are some people who might not like it and you might even lose a friend, which I highly doubt, but that just means they weren't fit to be in your life..." She paused, letting me take in what she just said.

Wow. I always wonder why I keep Hanji around, but this is the reason exactly. That brown-eyed nutcase was always there for me, she never gave up on me, and she always offered a helping hand. If this were an alternate universe, I'd probably fall in love with that bitch.

"You don't deserve fake friends. If the people you care about really care about you too, then no one will leave you. I can vouch for our whole squad, too! But, enough about them. Levi... No matter who you are, what you do, what you've been, or what you become, I'll always stand by you. Through thick and thin, Mama Hanji is there for whatever you need... Even if you're confused, I'm here for you. You have to face the music, Tiny Buttons. You like Eren. And, if I'm honest, I think he likes you, too. I saw you both last night and knew something had clicked. Don't hide from what you want or feel, it just isn't right. Let yourself be happy, Levi. I'll even help you do that! All I ask for in return is for you to accept who and what you are now, and love yourself for it. Erwin, Eld, Gunther, Isabel, Farlan, even Petra and Oluo and I love you. None of that will ever change,"

I sat there a bit bewildered. An hour ago, I was confused and hurting. I didn't even understand what I was feeling and here comes Hanji, wiping away the fog from my glasses. She laid it all out for me so reasonably and perfectly. It took me a moment to register everything she said, but when I finally let it all hit home, I felt something else.

_I felt amazing!_

"Hanji..." I began, looking down at my socked feet. I set my mug on the end table beside me and took a breath. "Thank you." I told her, making sure to sound grateful. I heard her laughing and I smiled a bit, happy that she accepted my thanks.

"It's no issue, Short Baby. Now... What are you going to do?" She asked seriously. I knew she was giving me a motherly look, and I rolled my eyes at her. I thought about what she was asking and I found myself without an answer.

What was I going to do? I don't even know what I want, and I don't know what he wants either. I don't want to go right up to him and make a fool of myself by asking him. I don't know if he has a girlfriend, or if he's gay, and if he is gay, he might have a boyfriend. He might not even find me mildly appealing. As I wracked my brain for what my next course of action would be, I finally heard Hanji's radio [playing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJqKEhWXaMA) in the background. I stopped my thought process and listened to it. Of course it's Clean Bandit, she loves them.

"Maybe you should try and become his friend?" She threw out there. I looked over my nails and pondered over what she had said.

That might work, honestly. I could try and be his friend. I could act nonchalant and maybe, one day, he'd get it and we'd start actually dating. The thing is, I'm awful at social interactions. How am I going to get him to stomach me, let alone become my friend?

"I'm not good at that, though." I reminded Hanji, sighing in defeat. I listened to her mocking little chuckled and scowled, even though she couldn't see me.

"He seemed to be enjoying your company at the rink. Maybe he's one of those people that can put up with your BS?" The brunette started laughing loudly and I growled at her. Dumb Bitch.

"Kidding, Shorty! Don't bare your teeth at me. Eren is a great person, Levi. He's nice as hell; he won't do that to you. Plus, sophomores love having senior friends. It shouldn't be hard. I swear it. I gotta go, Lovey. I was going to go study with Petra. I love you, Okay? You're my best friend." She told me. I could hear the silent question in her words. Are you going to be okay?

"Yeah, yeah, Shitty Glasses. Bye." I listened as she sighed in relief and told me to have a great day before she hung up. I looked at my phone and wiped off imaginary dust before letting go of the breath I didn't know I was holding. I didn't think a phone call to Hanji could work me up and calm me down this much. I made a mental note to take her somewhere nice in the future as a way to say thanks. I got out of the chair with a renewed sense of vigor and looked out of the window, and onto the street. I watched as a little boy on his bicycle peddled away, ringing his little bike bell. I shook my head and grabbed my empty mug, setting it in the sink an washing it. As I carried through with normal activities, I contemplated Hanji's and my conversation.

What she had said made a lot of sense. Hanji was just good like that; she could always put things into a positive perspective. If she wasn't devoted to shitty science, she could become an author or something articulate like that. She just had a way to tease, teach, and take care of you, all while sounding wise and loving. I seriously had no idea what I'd do without Shitty Four Eyes. She had helped me through tough shit all my life and I hadn't done much in return, and now I realize just how much I truly appreciated her. I, again, promised myself that I'd take her out somewhere soon. She really deserved it.

Speaking of deserving things... I looked over at my phone to check the time and chewed on my bottom lip. It was around noon, and Saturn opened at eleven. Maybe I could -

_No._

I mean, would it make sense to go and see him? Is he even working today? Could this wait or am I being weird? You're Levi. It doesn't matter if it's weird. I thought over actually going to the rink when my phone started ringing on the counter.

_**I came in like a wrecking ball, I never hit so hard in love.** _

_**All I wanted was to break your walls, all you ever did w-** _

Damn you, Erwin. I picked up my phone, still scowling at the irritating ringtone.

"What, Eyebrows?"

"Levi! As sweet as always. How are you?" He asked me. I had a feeling that Hanji had texted him about what she and I talked about. Shit. I had no idea how Erwin would take the news, although I'm sure he'd react the same way Hanji did.

"Fine. Why did you call?" I questioned, narrowing my eyes at the counter top and pretending it was Erwin.

"Straight to the point," Erwin chuckled. "You probably guessed Hanji told me a little bit about what you're going through. I just wanted to call and tell you I don't think any less of you, nor does your self-discovery trouble me. I also wanted to know how you were holding up... I don't want to see you hurting, Levi." Finally, that confident and formal resolve breaks. Tch. Erwin is too serious sometimes, but I couldn't say it didn't feel good to have him call and tell me all that.

"I'm okay, Erwin. I'm just kind of confused," I admitted, mumbling that last part a bit. I suppose he heard me because of his reply.

"Honestly, it shocks me that you're confused for once in your life. It shocks my even more that you're admitting it, but that's understandable. I'm here if you need me, Heichou." As he said that, his voice dipped a bit with laughter. I even let a smirk come across my face at the old nickname.

"You haven't called me that since we were in sixth grade, Commander." I teased. That was actually the truth. Erwin and I had been so young then, and we couldn't have been closer. As we grew older, however, we started to drift apart. Don't get me wrong, he's my best guy-friend but it just wasn't the same. I still remember the day we came up with those nicknames. Mornings and nights filled with the little green cloaks my mother had made, along with pretending to be great war heroes. "Commander Erwin Smith" and I, "Heichou Levi," would pretend to defend humanity against ghastly creatures and monsters, all while having enormous amounts of fun. It seems like yesterday that Erwin proudly declared me "Humanity's Strongest Soldier."

_I wish I could say the same now._

"Might as well get you all sappy and nostalgic, huh?" He laughed his deep, from-the-gut laugh and the sound relaxed me a bit. I had figured out what he was doing. He was just trying to cheer me up and get my mind off of what had been afflicting me. I had such wonderful friends. I let my lips upturn a bit as Erwin and I reminisced, steering clear of talking about touchy subjects. We didn't quit talking until six or seven p.m., just as the sun was starting to set. I told him I'd call him tomorrow and we bid each other goodnight before I made my way up to my room with a bag of Lays.

I switched on the TV and figured I could try and catch Eren at school tomorrow instead of going to the rink this late. Mindlessly munching, I let my brain wander to happier thoughts that included Eren. I pictured he and I having a first date but I couldn't pinpoint what he'd like the most. A picnic? No. Movie and dinner? Definitely not. Walk in the park? Too cheesy. Everything I came up with, I had a reason why it wasn't good enough. Around eight that night, I felt sleep tugging at my eyelids. I threw away my chip bag, washed my hands, and brushed my teeth before climbing the shower and quickly cleaning myself, all the while trying to think of the perfect first date. I slipped off my clothes and threw them in the hamper as I pulled on a pair of duck boxers Erwin got me for my birthday. I chuckled at the sight of them, fondly recalling our phone call. As I made my way to my bed and sank down into it, I finally came up with something both beautifully simple yet very romantic.

That night, my dreams were filled with the same green eyes that plagued even my waking hours along with am evening spent star-gazing.


	8. No Matter Where Life Takes Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 Summary: Eren's POV! This covers Eren's Sunday and the beginning of Monday, which means school! Blegh! Of course, we haven't forgotten Eren and Armin's devious plot to get Levi to go on a date with Eren. Our blonde baby and green-eyed teen have been plotting a lot recently and it's bound to work! This chapter introduces Jean Kirstein, more of Connie, Sasha, and Marco and others. Everyone is friends, don't worry! This is basically more of Eren finding himself, big revelations, deep shit, real talk, and hanging out with friends than anything, sorry for the lack of Levi/Eren interaction!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be clear, it's end of January-beginning of February in this story. I dunno if that was a bit puzzling, I'm sorry. Anyways! Yes, it will start snowing because they live in New York, but that's for a later chapter. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Well, enjoy~!

_Eren_

" _Eren!_ " Mikasa yelled for the umpteenth time at the bathroom door. I didn't hear her though, my [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLFpcshWrpA) was playing too loudly as well as I was... (Could you call that) singing in the shower. Belting out the lyrics into my loofah, I used one hand to scrub my brown hair with shampoo. As I starting jamming even harder (and almost falling), I thought about how I was behaving yesterday. The thought made me want to forget it and just keep singing. I was pretty messed up.

On Sunday, I woke up with a cloud hanging over my head. It seemed as though the only thing running through my brain was Reiner, and that fucker was leaving foot prints on my cerebrum. Everything that I did, I did on auto-pilot and when I wasn't doing anything at all, I was sulking. Now, that isn't normally my forté but I just couldn't pick myself up. I cannot say that, through everything, he didn't leave an impression. It was just one of those days, I suppose. When Mom noticed, she wouldn't top hounding me. Question after question  _after question,_ her incessant comfort was beginning to wear me down. I finally got away from her on Sunday when I went to work.  _That_ was a challenge. I soldiered through and was just happy I had a short shift, because when I went home, all I did was go to bed. My dreams were filled with those haunted honey-coloured eyes and I was glad I woke up today in a good mood.

Speaking of good moods, I love this song. I wiggled my hips as I bathed myself, nodding my head along to the beat. I faintly heard Mikasa pounding on the bathroom and I groaned, remembering that I needed to get out. I quickly rinsed out my hair and body and turned off the shower. I shot her an apologetic smile as I wrapped a towel around my waist and came out of the bathroom. I felt red splash across my cheeks as I hurriedly got out of the bathroom. I watched Mikasa roll her eyes as I made my way towards my room and threw the towel on the floor. I slipped on some boxers and my white skinny jeans, but not before grabbing my phone. I pulled on some random ass socks that didn't even match but stopped halfway through when Mom yelled for me.

"Eren! 'Kasa! Hurry up or I'm not driving you!" I hurriedly slipped on my socks as I went to tell Mikasa to quicken the pace, but she was already dressed in her Black Sabbath [shirt ](http://pre15.deviantart.net/ef1b/th/pre/i/2012/214/d/b/black_sabbath_t_shirt_contest__emp_magazine__by_shinigamimidora-d59im01.png)and some jeans, slipping on her familiar combat boots. I puffed and grabbed the plaid [shirt](http://www.bonypony.com/uploads/products/3482b2s8250.jpg) that brings out my eyes, chucking it over my head as I ran a comb through my damp hair. Mikasa threw me my hoodie, the one that matched hers. I slid it on as I ran down the stairs.

"Eren!" I heard Mom yell once again. I grinned, grabbed my backpack and chased Mom and Mikasa out of the front door. Diving into the front seat of Mom's blue Jeep Wrangler.

"Damn you, Eren." Mikasa grumbled under her breath as she got into the backseat. I stuck my tongue out at her and fooled with the radio as Mama started the car and got us going. Mikasa and Mom shared idle chitchat as I searched for something to scream to as we dro-

"KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKIN' ON HEAVEN'S DOOR!" I screeched, successfully scaring the shit out of Mom. I laughed as she yelled at me for being loud and all she could do was smile. I continued singing along to Guns N' Roses, watching the sunrise over the trees. Houses, nature, and students became blurs as we made our way towards Trost Community High and I felt the familiar buzz in my stomach as we neared. Or maybe that was my [phone](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/6b/36/2e/6b362e7a5893df3426f204e56c00fead.jpg) inside my hoodie pocket. I grabbed it out quickly and smirked at my new contact name for Armin.

**Goldilocks: Remember the plan, 50?**   
**Me: Stop calling me 50. It was funny at first but now its annoying and yeah**

I smirked, recalling our plan to get Levi. Armin had found a point in the day yesterday to call me, and I wrote down everything he came up with. It was brilliant, but simple. That's why I understood it well, according to Armin. I scoffed remembering his light-hearted insult. I felt my phone buzz again and looked down.

**Goldilocks: It's true, though! You ARE 5o shades of pissed off. xD Good, just be subtle, Eren. See you soon!**

I rolled my eyes at his reply and shoved my phone into my pocket again, letting thoughts of this plan flood my brain. Firstly, I had to be really friendly. I can do that. I'm a nice guy, right? Right! I started thinking off to different scenarios when Mom finally pulled into the line to drop off students. I grunted at the sight of it. I turned off the radio before I kissed Mom's cheek, getting of the car. I told her I loved her, and smiled when she said it back. I love Mama. I hoisted my backpack up a little farther onto my shoulders and followed Mikasa into our personal hell. As she swung open the big double doors, the sound of shuffling feet, slamming lockers, and loud voices filled my ears. Yet another Monday, I suppose. We began walking towards our lockers.

"Do you have everything, Bug?" She asked, giving me a knowing look as she started putting in her combination to the peach-coloured locker.

"Do you  _have_  to call me that? And yes, other than my notebook which is in my locker." I stuck out my tongue at her as I fiddled with my own locker, trying to remember my code. I felt her gaze on me as I pretended to know my combo.

_42... 36? Or was it 26? Maybe 16... No. Hmph._

Mikasa noticed I was having troubles. She huffed and pushed me away, quickly spinning the dial to the right numbers. I looked at her sheepishly and she rolled her eyes.

"42, 26, 12." She mumbled. I thanked her and put away my shit. I grabbed the piece of notebook paper I had written down all of the plan on, looking over it. I was reading through the last line when I was shoved into my locker. I yelped and looked at whoever it was in confusion. When I was released from that  _hug_ , I turned around and glared at... Sasha?

"Eren! Do you have food?!" She asked, her eyes wide and pleading. I rolled my eyes and handed her the bag of Doritos I had in my bag.

"Here." I smiled as her face lit up and she hugged me again. I hugged her back and watched as Jean and Marco walked over to us. I half-heartedly glared a Jean and he flicked me off before walking up to me and grabbing me around the neck, giving me a noogie.

"Get  _off_ , Horseface." I groaned. He laughed and ruffled my hair before letting me go. We stared at each other for a minute before simultaneously grinning. We laughed a bit before he let his eyes wander to Mikasa.

"Hey, Jaeger Boy. A-and hey, Mikasa..." He blushed a bit before Mikasa shot him a soft smile. I internally turned up my nose at them. He grinned and turned towards her, probably about to ask dumb questions. I stuck out my tongue at Mikasa. Jean was obviously in love with her and, after these three years of trying to get her to like him back, I think it was finally working. Don't get me wrong, I love Mikasa and I love Jean but seeing them together was weird for me. He was as bad as I was when it came to tempers and he was overly confident, but I guess Mikasa's calm demeanor could cool that down. Hm. Maybe that pairing had potential. I shook my head of those thoughts and gave Marco a hug.

"Freckled Jesus," I said, nodding at him. His freckled cheeks turned a soft pink and I smiled. That's adorable.

"Hi Eren. Have you seen Armin?" I chuckled at him and pointed behind Marco, watching as he smiled warmly at my blonde friend. They shared a hug before we all fell into sync, walking towards our first classes together. As I was listening in on Jean and Mikasa's conversation (the meaning of life? They were getting deep, like damn), Armin shot me a look. I nodded at him, knowing he was asking about the plan. I gave him a quick thumbs up as we parted.

First Class - History, with Mrs. Rico.

A shiver went down my spine as we entered her classroom. I took my familiar seat next to Armin and Connie and prayed to anyone up there that Mrs. Rico was in a good mood. She walked in with her normal stoic expression and every student fell silent.

"Pop quiz, kids."

_Fuck my life._

* * *

The gang (Mika, Jean, Armin, Connie, Sasha, Annie, and Bertolt) and I went throughout school, teasing each other and just begging for it to be over. By lunch, even Mikasa was expressing how much she hated school. We walked in an sat down at our usual table after getting lunch, staring at what actually seemed decent for once.

"Armin,"

"Yeah?"

"This is normal, right?" I poked the chicken nugget closest to me and stared at him incredulously. He laughed and nodded before popping a bite-size piece of fruit into his mouth. I chuckled and started teasing Jean as we all ate. Despite being very engaged in the conversation ("Shut up, Jean!" "Eren, face it, you're a slightly manly twink,"), I was looking around for someone specific. I knew Levi had the same lunch period as me because I'd unknowingly heard Hanji everyday since school started. She'd turned into a running gag between the guys and I. We teased each other about who was "making her scream." I chuckled absentmindedly and looked back at Jean.

"I might be a twink but I'd still get more bitches than you do," I shot him a smirk and started laughing when our table broke out into a chorus of "Oh!," "Got 'em!," and "Damn!" My laughter rose higher and louder when I saw Connie pounding the table with his fist, crying from wailing so hard. Even Jean was giggling like some little kid.  _I love these guys._ After we calmed down, I wiped a tear from my eye and became fully aware that the entire lunch room had gone quiet. We were being stared at and I looked around with a sheepish grin. I was sure I was fifty shades of red and that's when Connie and Sasha started laughing again. I saw Armin chuckle and he nudged my hand.

"This is what friendship is," He told me, laughing a little louder. I grinned at him.

"If it wasn't, we could call it hell." That comment brought us an entirely new fit of laughter and teasing. We tried to finish our lunch quickly but we all basically forgot about it when the bell rang. Gathering up our shit, we started making our way to our lockers for sixth period.

"Eren?" Said a soft, but familiar voice. I turned around and smiled at Bertolt.

"Yeah, Turtle?" He blushed at my words. The gentle giant, otherwise known as Bertolt, was an old friend. Despite that, I still got nervous and a bit nostalgic when I see the big oaf. He was Reiner's best friend before he moved all the way down to Texas. I always caught them hanging out and Bertle The Turtle always seemed lost without him, but I was too. Even though Reiner and I broke up, I still wanted Bert as a friend. He was very polite and very trustworthy, even if he told Reiner everything.

"I, uh, I heard from Rey." He looked down at me sheepishly, refusing to meet my gaze. I felt a little dizzy when he said that. Like something in my head was telling me to turn around, but what if Reiner had said something about me? What if he has a new boyfriend? How is he doing?

"Oh, really? What did he say?" I asked, feigning disinterest. I nonchalantly yawned, as if the thought of getting word from Reiner bored me. I watched as Bertolt's expressions changed from nervous, to concerned, to deep in thought, and back to nervous again.

"I just figured you would wanna know that he's doing well and misses our little group," The black-haired teen said nervously. I visibly deflated, I just know I did. I took a deep breath and looked down, trying not to sound too dejected. I didn't want to look like I was still hung up on him. On the outside, I looked disappointed but I don't think that accurately described how I felt on the inside.

"That's really great; I'm glad he's doing good. Uh, y-yeah. We all miss him too," I chuckled awkwardly. I gave Bert a quick hug before watching him walk off to Mr. Veil's math class. As his giant form retreated, I rushed to my locker, where I groaned into my spare sweatshirt. I was glad no one was around to see me because I know I looked like a mess.

Why didn't Reiner even acknowledge me? He was never this offhand or blasé about a subject, he came forward and direct. That's one of the main reasons we got along so well. What suddenly made him pussy out at the last second? I shook my head. Why the fuck do I even care? It isn't like we're dating anymore.

_You're right. You're not dating._

I groaned and slammed my locker shut. I'm not supposed to care anymore. So why am I getting so worked up? I felt anger course through my veins and it was pushing me to punch something (or someone). I tried shaking my head to get rid of these thoughts, but that only seemed to spur me forward. I gripped my hair and pulled,  _hard_ , just trying to find a way to get him out of my head. I let go and grunted, glaring angrily at the floor. I knew I was missing class, but fuck it. How was I going to learn in a state like this? How was I going to do  _anything_  like this? I tried calming down but I just kept seeing  _his face._  His bright eyes and his soft smile. The way his jaw was shaped, and how I'd grab his chin to peck his lips him. His big, warm hands and the way he'd kiss both of my cheeks before he would leave.

_Bastard even did that when he left for good._

I tried to see white before I saw red, so I took a breath. In came in short and choppy and left the same way. I knew this wasn't going to work. I was about to punch the locker when I remembered how I used to blow off steam. I adjusted my hoodie and ran up the stairwell, and up onto the third floor of the school. Slipping into the old study hall, I spotted the little blue door before I climbed onto the roof. I found my old spot (complete with my name, claiming it as mine) and sat down.

I looked off into distance and noticed that the sun wasn't out.

_Might rain soon._

I didn't want to damage the school, so I tore off my hoodie and bit into it before screaming at the top of my lungs. I screamed for what felt like an eternity, letting out my frustrations and rage. I even slammed my fist into it a couple times before it stopped working. I felt a little better but it wasn't enough. I bit into my lower lip as I pulled out my phone and earbuds. I put them in my ears and chucked the little weird part into my phone. I scrolled through my playlist.

_Don't feel like soft Indie... Not angry enough for rock... Too angry for anything poppy..._

Can't go wrong with [Beyoncé](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHp2KgyQUFk).

I sat there on the roof by myself and watched as the sky turned darker and darker with each passing minute. Mrs. Knowles was right, what goes around comes back around. Maybe Reiner wasn't doing as well as Bert had said, maybe Rey is feeling just like I am. He could be sitting outside, watching the same sky. I sighed at the thought. We're in different time zones, that isn't possible. It helps to believe, though. Maybe I'll run into something good soon. I really hope I do because I can't take much more of this self-torture. I can't keep killing myself like this. This is just awful, all of this self-pity and sulking. This isn't the way Eren Jaeger acts. I've got to find  _something_  good to keep my head and heart away.

_Maybe you already have found something good._

I smiled at my thoughts when they were instantly overrun with sharp features, black hair, and silvery eyes. I thought back to our conversation at the rink the other night and started grinning. Even though he seemed a little out of it, he was really fun to talk to. He had a weird sense of humour but it was refreshing and entertaining. He wasn't half-bad to look at either. His adorable way of holding his cup, that cute little "Tch," noise he makes. That was all Levi and it was all very new and very intriguing to me. He loves drawing like I do, but he prefers to make music. He even liked some of the same artists as I do, and I like a lot of the bands he's into. His habit of wiping things down with his napkin was endearing, and he said the same for the way I bounce my knee.

_So did Reiner._

I sighed at the thought of my ex. He really was,  _is_ , a great guy. He was a wonderful friend and a brilliant boyfriend but, I dunno, maybe it's just time to hang up the towel. Maybe it's time to let go of the past and get on with the future. You can't hang onto strings that are better left to fray. I think that's the title of a Seether album. I let a small smile grace my lips and I looked out at the sky, spotting a little ray of sunshine peaking through some of the darker looking clouds. I smirked a bit wider.

_Good going, Mother Nature._

As more of the sun started showing, I felt a certain weight lift off of my shoulders. I suddenly felt a lot lighter, and a lot less angry. I didn't feel thick with worry or concern; I feel light, as if the demands of my heart were suddenly different. What a strange feeling.

Reiner was a great boyfriend, he really was but how can I find another great boyfriend if I'm still wrapped around the finger of someone else? Isn't that a saying? Despite everything I had with Rey, I knew I could find something just as incredible or maybe even better. Rey would be happy if I did. He told me a while back, on the day he left, that he didn't want me to be upset. He even told me to find someone new, to move on and be happy even if he can't be the one to do that.

_Rey really did care. So did you, but now it's time to... time to..._

Time to what?

It's time to go chasing some short, grumpy man. I giggled at my own thoughts and came to the conclusion that, if I can't have Reiner, that I can have someone else that is amazing. I can make myself happy without having to depend on Rey and I can make myself happy if I accept that, hey, there's other guys out there. I don't even need someone else to make me happy. I can be happy just being Eren and having great friends. At this point, I was cheesing like a fool. I stood up and put my hoodie back on. It's always a little chilly in New York, at least to me. I cast one last look towards the horizon and felt something inside me move in a way I hadn't expected. I let out a breathy laugh before I made my way out of the roof's door and back down to what should have been my last period class if I hadn't have stayed on the roof.

As I made my way towards my locker to grab my shit, I heard the [song](https://youtu.be/AbV-Q6tz4B8?t=1m10s) change.

I smiled.

I put in my combo (What was it? Oh yeah, 42, 26, 12) and grabbed my backpack. I waved at Armin and Mikasa as they came and met me. I wasn't instantly bombarded with questions, which I was very thankful for. I guess they could tell something was up, but it wasn't bad. I bet they already knew what I was thinking. Armin and 'Kasa really knew me better than I knew me. Before I fixed my hair a bit, I noticed them share a little smile with one another and I gave them both a soft smile back. Turning back towards the bigger part of our group, I wished all our friends goodbye before I got everything situated. Armin, Mika, and I linked arms as we made our way to the car pick-up, the two of them chatting about the weather. I gave Armin a warm, long hug and promised I'd talk to him later. He nodded at me and grinned before he got into his grandfather's giant truck. Before he left, I watched as Mikasa did the same.

Making my way over to the driver's side of my Mom's car, I kissed her cheek before getting in the back seat. Mikasa shot me a suspicious look before I gave her the same smile from earlier. She just nodded and shot me one back before fiddling with the radio. I could faintly hear the lyrics to an Eminem song, but I wasn't listening.

I laid back completely and stared out of the window as Mom took me home. I watched the same trees, the same houses, and the same kids blur by my window as I bobbed my head along to Mac Miller. I was struck with feelings of nostalgia, eying down the old streets of my childhood and past relationship. Every home had a family, just like every heart has a story. They might not be completely perfect, but it's what there that counts and right now, what is there  _for me_  matters.

I had friends and a loving family. Sure, Dad wasn't here all the time but he loved us. He loved us whole-heartedly. I had a lot more than I was really thankful for and I amazed myself with how little I truly appreciated the small things in life that make it great. Sunshine? Definitely love that. Thunderstorms? Those help me sleep. Sleep? Peace on Earth. Friends? I couldn't live without those fools. I was even happy I had dumb Jean. All these things serve a purpose to me, to my happiness. I realized today that you don't need a person, or music, or anything to make you happy.  _You_ gotta make you happy, and maybe you find it in those things. But it's your choice, in everything you want and do. I think it even says that in the constitution, something about the pursuit of happiness being a right?

If it's a right, then I have the right to eat yogurt while cuddling someone gorgeous. I chuckled a bit at that. It seemed a little trivial to just want someone and something to make you happy, but that's all it takes for me. Don't think I'm not grateful for everything I have because I truly am. I'm very happy where I'm at.

I took a quick glance at Mikasa and she was having a good laugh with Mama. Mama was practically in tears from laughing so hard at whatever Mikasa had said. I grinned at them.

Yeah, I'm happy where I'm at. I guess all it takes to realize that you're pretty lucky is to go through some shit that makes you blind to it. Hmm. Always darkest before the dawn, right? I think there's an Aerosmith song that says, "You got to lose to know how to win."  
Steven Tyler is right. I was faced with something that had made it dark. A break up with the one person who I thought who could complete me, a part of my life that I thought had been so set, so constant. I lost that. Not in any bad ways, Rey didn't die. He just moved on with his life. Now, he's training with the Dallas Cowboys. He's getting his life together. He already lost, and now he's got to win.

_You think it's your time to win?_

It just might be. I guess Mikasa knew I was deep in thought because she was giving me that knowing look. I studied her face and smiled.

_A beautiful sister that would kill, or worse, for me._

I thought about how she and I were little. Memories of little feet pounding on hardwood floors and small hands gripping each other when we were scared flashed through my mind. My smile grew wider. I placed a hand on her cheek, at which she blushed and looked confused. I leaned up and kissed her forehead before telling her that I appreciate her. She shot me a real grin, a smile that only I had seen. She pat my hand and turned around. I could barely make it out, but I'm pretty sure she said the same thing to Mom. They began to laugh again and the sight made my heart melt.

It couldn't melt for long, because we had just pulled up at the house. I got out of the backseat slowly and grabbed Mom's purse for her. She thanked me and we all went inside. I put Mom's purse on the kitchen table before I went upstairs. I sat down at my desk and pulled out my homework from the classes I actually went to. I was glad it was just Mrs. Brzenska's and then a drawing I had to do for Mr. Robyn's art class. I quickly filled out the paperlet for History class (world cultures are actually kind of cool) and began my drawing. I actually really loved to draw. Anything having to deal with letting your mind wander and letting your hand spit it out on paper seemed really amazing to me. I thought about the events of today and how I could use any of that for inspiration, but all I kept coming to was the human heart. We studied this in life science last Thursday, so I remember most of it, but how could I put that into art? Hmph.

At around six o'clock, Mama called me for dinner. By that time, I was almost finished and I didn't mind slipping out of my "Artist's Funk," to go and eat. We ate peacefully and happily, commenting on only how the food tasted and how school went. When we finished, I helped Mom with the dishes. She thanked me at least ten times before telling me to go finish my homework. I just grinned at her and went upstairs again.

As I sat down, I realized my phone was ringing.

**_Math city, bitch. Math-Math city, bitch. Ten, ten, ten, twenty equals fifty, bitch._ **

I started laughing loudly at Armin's ringtone. I quickly picked it up.

"Hey Goldilocks,"

"Quiet, Bug. What was up with you today? Why didn't you come down to sixth and seventh period?"

_Here goes nothing._

I took a deep breath and sat down at my desk as I explained everything to Armin. I didn't bother hiding anything because I knew he'd find out sooner or later (sooner, way sooner). I told him all about what Bert told me, how I got really pissed and went to the roof, and my realizations. He sat there silently, only saying "mhm," or "okay," to let me know he was still there. When I had finally completed the task of explaining myself, I could hear the smile in his voice.

"I'm really happy for you Eren." That night, we talked until midnight. It's been a while since I had stayed up this long and just talked to Armin, but I can't say it wasn't really fun. He even helped me with the questions I missed on the paperlet Mrs. Rico gave us. I thanked him profusely for being this great, for being my friend, for loving me the way he does. All he did was tell me that's what best friends do. Before I let him go, he told me to behave myself and get some sleep. We bid each other goodnight and, I guess I didn't realize it but, I'd finished the picture while we were on the home. I trekked to bed and plopped down before having the most tranquil and best sleep of my life.

That [picture](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/d2/5e/28/d25e2896a32c9608b695e2d5749d7dff.jpg) makes sense, you know? The human heart can endure a lot. It can go through tons of shit before it finally breaks but how would it react to something really beautiful after a lot of hardship? How would  _your_ heart feel, after it's been broken and stepped on and smashed time and time again, and then it's suddenly sweet? Suddenly, everything changes and things start making sense, Life becomes more than just a chore. It becomes a  _life_ , it becomes something you  _want_  to live and you find yourself happy again.

Yeah. It makes sense, if you think about it the right way. Many a good person will say that good things can come of bad situations. A lot of people believe some things are a blessing in disguise. Hell, even Tupac said a rose could grew from concrete.

_How about flowers that grow from heart made of stone?_


	9. Find Me With A Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 Summary: Levi again! This is the Wednesday after Levi gets himself together, after all his realizations and revelations. However, Levi is still way too... Levi to actually go up to Eren and talk. Because of this, Hanji takes it upon herself to get them together! Some lies, two class periods, an abandoned classroom, and an exchange later, what do we have? Keep reading. You'll find out. Enjoy! :)

_Levi_

_Two days down, three to go_ , I thought as I dried myself off. I folded the used towel and put it in the hamper before I leisurely pulled on a navy blue t-shirt, as well as my Panic! At The Disco [sweater](http://tse4.mm.bing.net/th?id=JN.CdQnr0ZmLBW3E%2bIUYFPqlg&pid=15.1). No, I wasn't just wearing it because I know Eren likes them, I'm wearing it because it's colder than usual outside. As I walked back into my room, I took a quick peek out of my window and saw that the ground was already frosting over. It wouldn't be too long until snow coated New York. The thought of it made my lips turn up ever so slightly because I love winter. It means everyone is cooped up inside and I don't have to deal with anyone because it's too cold. Stepping away from my window, I slipped on some boxers and a pair of light-wash [jeans](http://i01.i.aliimg.com/wsphoto/v0/917157295/Summer-Men-s-jeans-Slim-fit-pants-water-wash-white-light-blue-jeans-male-MJL036-.jpg). I stepped back into the bathroom and began to blow dry my hair, combing it after I had deemed it dry. I split the part down the middle, as per usual, before I started getting all my things together (making the bed, gathering my school shit, grabbing my phone, etc.) for school. As I did this, I let my mind wander to the events of the past few days.

Sunday had been very eye-opening for me. Talking with Hanji truly had opened my mind and heart to accepting that, hey, I have this huge crush on someone, on a boy. I counted on her a lot more than I originally believed. Erwin had helped a lot too, though. He got my mind off of the deeper and more jagged parts of what I wanted to hide from. Even Eld and Gunther had called me, trying to cheer me up and telling me that they didn't mind at all. It was the constant support from the people I cared about most that had me this comfortable with everything.

However, I'd yet to tell Kenny. I figured that if and when I'd actually something solid with someone (preferably Eren), then I'd tell him. I realize that he has the right to know about me, seeing as though he was my uncle and legal guardian. The thought of only having Kenny made my chest clench painfully.

_Not today, Levi. Come on._

I quickly shook my head of those thoughts, determined not to let them bring me down. I grabbed my [bag](http://asset3.surfcdn.com/vans-backpacks-vans-van-doren-backpack-black-white.jpg?w=1200&h=1200&q=80&o=DTN83%245DqRaBmCAINuBx3GamsMwj&V=mXpz) off of my bed and went downstairs, grabbing a banana. I ate it as I triple-checked to make sure I'd finished all of my homework, as well as cleaned up and dusted off every surface in my room. Throwing the peel into my trash bin, I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I made sure my hair was straight again as I checked my phone for the time. Fifteen minutes until I have to go.

_**Goin' off the rails on a crazy train! I'm goin' off the rails on a cra-** _

Smirking at her personal tone, I checked the message from Hanji after I'd set my phone to vibrate.

**Four Eyes: I'll be there innn... Hm. Maybe ten-fifteen minutes! Love youuu! Be ready, Tiny Buttons!**

Rolling my eyes at the text, I didn't respond. I put the phone in my back pocket and brushed my teeth again, along with using my mouth wash. After cleaning the sink, I went to the living room and paced as I thought about what had been plaguing me recently.

I had admitted it out loud to Eld, Gunther, Hanji, and Erwin, but out of every time I said it, I didn't hear it. I wasn't truly listening to myself. I'd yet to say it to my face, to say that I have something for Eren. It shouldn't have been hard to do, anyone (and probably everyone) could fall for his charm. He was funny, charismatic, gorgeous, and just  _Eren_. I suppose that's what had me liking him this much. I knew we'd only had about an hour or two of actual conversation. Hell, we'd only met once but in those few hours of just talking, there was something I noticed about him. He didn't care that I was Levi Ackerman, the "bad-ass, mysterious, music-loving teenage boy" that all the girls think they can "change." I was well-known at school, sure. Just about every "deep and brooding," attention whore had tried to get into my pants, as well as every cheerleader, socially-adept prom queen, and "shy/sweet nerd," that had a death wish. They all had seen _Levi_ , not me, not the guy behind the clothes, title, and attitude. Eren was an exception.

Eren didn't see what was skin deep, he was looking much, much further. The golden-skinned beauty wasn't  _just_  a golden-skinned beauty; he was something else entirely. He wanted to see what was truly within me, all the twists and turns of every emotion I had, every like and dislike, the entire labyrinth of who I was. That's what had me instantly liking him. He didn't care about my name, my title, who every one  _thought_  I was. He cared about who I honestly was. He wasn't just looking at me as a senior" friend or anything trivial like that. I was someone he enjoyed, faithfully and honestly. It was this attitude of his that had me hooked, along with his obstreperous laughter, contagious smile, and bright eyes. Like I said, he wasn't just a pretty face attached to a pretty body. He's kind, giving, and honest as well as a truculent, determined, and hopeful soul that's gotten to me in a way no one else ever could. These thoughts, I'd realized, had let me to block out the constant vibrating on my ass. I quickly reached for my phone and answered.

"-EVI! We're waiting!" Hanji shrieked into her phone, causing me to scowl at her loud tone. I grumbled a "coming," as I hung up and went out the door before popping a mint into my mouth. I sat in the front (my rightful place) and messed with the radio dial as Hanji chattered away to Eld, who sat in the back with Gunther. I was barely listening to their conversation, but I caught my name a few times as well as "class period," and "abandon."

_They're probably ditching._

I sat there and stared at the window after I found something acceptable to listen to. I watched as the little yellow lines sped by, feeling a little nostalgic for some unknown reason. The entire ride there, I thought about Eren. The brown hair that I wanted to run my fingers through, those big, pretty eyes that I could stare into forever, and that sincere smile all had left an impression on my mind. From broad shoulders, a lithe waist, and almost girly hips, he was almost too good to be true. I kept trying to convince myself that he was at least bisexual or pan, or whatever the hell teenagers call themselves these days. I had a feeling he was most likely demisexual, but I could be wrong. I didn't want to think about a situation where he was straight and had some beautiful girlfriend (what about that Armin girl? Tch). I knew I was becoming too attached. I knew that everything I was thinking could have horrible consequences but how do you expect a man to  _not_  at least dream?

_Listen to you, you sound like a fool._

I was scowling when Hanji had finally parked and we got out. I tried walking slower as to not get all tangled up in the chaos that is walking with friends, but that failed when Eld and Gunther grabbed my elbows and tried to swing me like some child. I shot them glares that could kill and they let go, all while laughing like morons. I was fine until I heard that spine-tingling voice.

"Big Bro!" Isabel shouted. I looked for her a bit, to brace for impact when she hugged me, but was caught off guard when she jumped on my back.

"What the fuck?! Iz! Get off me!" I yelled, trying to shove her off. She slipped off, her red pigtails bouncing along as she skipped towards Hanji. I watched her incredulously, trying to figure out where she'd found the audacity to jump onto me. Tch, probably in that stupid, over sized sweater. The two craziest women in my life began talking animatedly about something. Where Isabel is, Farlan wasn't far behind. I saw him smile at Eld and Gunther, walking in between them as we made our way inside. I quickly walked away and towards my locker. Gathering the things I'd need for my first couple classes, I wasn't privy to what Hanji and Erwin (now that he'd gotten here in his to-die-for Christmas present) were talking about and, to be honest, I didn't really care. I made my way to my first class and sighed.

_Two days down, three to go._

* * *

Two hours, a class period, and a teacher later, I sat in my advanced math class with Erwin. I copied the formula on the board and began working the first problem, thanking any god up there that this teacher (Mr. Dietrich) let us listen to music as we worked. Even though I had ear buds in, I did hear a certain maniac come busting open the door. I looked up from the (now finished) eighth problem only to see Hanji grinning like a fool at Mr. Dietrich. With a random Bring Me The Horizon song blaring in my ears, I didn't hear what they'd said but the next thing I knew, Hanji was waltzing over to my desk. I yanked out a bud and stared at her with a bored expression, raising an eyebrow as a silent question.

"Mr. Robyn needs you in the art room," She squeaked, as if she was trying to contain herself. I narrowed my eyes at her and she only nodded quickly, as if she had something important to tell me. I rolled my eyes and stood up, collecting my phone. I gathered up my papers and handed them in, as is. At least I'd gotten eight out of ten finished. I followed her out of the classroom and just before we closed the door, she let out the breath she'd been holding.

Levi! Oh my Gosh!" Shitty Glasses then proceeded to gasp for air, much to my dismay. I scowled at her.

"Why does the art teacher want me?" I asked as we got going to the sophomore hall of the school.

"Oh, Baby Cakes, Mr. Robyn doesn't even teach on Wednesdays." She laughed and started chattering away about the schedules of different teachers and I just tuned her out, but when I heard a familiar name, I tuned in again.

"...For two class periods! Won't that be great?!" Hanji screeched, turning to me with a look on her face that almost seemed dwaal. Her big brown eyes practically glittered with excitement and I found myself wondering what she was talking about.  
"I'm stuck in an abandoned classroom for two periods because you wanted to get out of class? Fuck that, I'd rather go back to class." I stated, preparing to absquatulate. Before I could, however, she grabbed my shoulder and looked at me pleadingly.

"C'mon, Levi. I did this for you! So get in there and talk to him!" The brown-haired freak was practically jumped with joy. But, wait, what? Talk to who?

"Talk to who?" I asked quizzically. The smirk that appeared on her face was almost petrifying. I quickly assessed the situation, arranging an escape plan to get away from this insane woman.

"Go find out," She told me before clutching the door handle and swinging the door open. She casually walked inside and I noticed that, despite it being abandoned for the day, the lights and heat were on.

_That's not normal._

I opened up the door a bit more and looked around, searching for that messy brown hair and I found it. But it wasn't the right messy brown hair. Stunned, I followed that short brown mess down to bright, thalassic eyes and a wide smile on pink lips. I was instantly struck, and I didn't move until I heard that familiar cackling. Even then, I was still internally exploding.  _That's Eren_.

"Levi! Come say hello! I've gotta get back to class, mkay?" She ruffled my hair a bit before she skipped towards the door. Before she left, she leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"Two class periods, alone in here. Don't leave, okay? We both know you were never gonna talk to him. Please, Levi? I gotta go! I love you," She laughed loudly before she slammed the door behind her, causing the boy on the other side of the room to jump. I looked over at him and smirked at his bewildered face. I didn't want to stand there awkwardly but I felt like my feet were glued to the floor.

_So this is what she was plotting with Isabel, Gunther, and Eld. Tch! Alright, c'mon Levi. Get it together. Just be you. Stop being a little bitch._

I took a calming breath and went over to the object of all my unrequited affections, taking a seat instead of sitting on the table like he was. He shot me that stunning smile and I felt myself become putty.

"Hey, Levi. I, uh, I guess Hanji wanted to get us to talk again?" He chuckled awkwardly and it was the sweetest thing to ever hit my ears. I wanted to reach across this table and kiss him, as well as slap him for being so God damn adorable. I guess my face didn't change (or I looked even more menacing) because his enchanting eyes were cast downward. I wanted to tell him something, to make him feel comfortable in my presence, to say anything to get him to look back up again but before I could, I saw a tanned hand offer me an ear bud.

"Do you wanna listen to music with me?" He asked shyly, as if he was scared I'd say no. I didn't say anything because the sight of him had my throat caving in and my brain forgot what words were. I looked back up at his face and felt my head start spinning.

_That war-ending, life-changing, fall-to-your-knees-and-love-me smile._

"I think I talked your ear off last time, so I thought we could just chill and listen to some stuff or we could talk, or do whatever... I mean, I think there's art supplies in here and some board games, I dunno. Whatever you're com-"

"Shut up and give me a bud, Kid." I suppose my brain found out what words were, or maybe I just didn't want to see him struggle for the right thing to say. Although his voice was heavenly, I didn't want him to make a fool of himself. I shot him a gentle smile to let him know I was kidding and his entire face lit up. His luminescent, ever-changing eyes seemed to shine an entirely different colour from the normal blue or green as well as his smile radiated bliss and contentment. I never thought I could see anyone more beautiful. I took the earbud from his hand and felt a shock go through me when his rubiginous skin clashed with my own pale hand. I guess he felt it too because he jumped slightly and the sight made my lips turn up, at which he grinned back.

_Stunning._

We were hit with a dilemma when he put his own earbud in and it yanked out mine. I quickly realized that I'd have to get closer if we were actually going to-  
Before I could even think, Eren had moved so that it was more comfortable for us to listen to music. I looked up at him from my seat and he was blushing ever-so-slightly. He was so daring, so ready to actually do this and here I was, too scared to move. Suddenly, as if by magic, I felt all the apprehension leave my body. I got up and sat down on the table (after wiping it off) beside him. His face blossomed with red; it was absolutely endearing. I let out a small, breathy laugh and he seemed to light up again. I felt a smile tug at my lips but I suppressed it promptly. I slipped the earbud into my ear and heard what seemed to be the band Fuel.

"You like them?" I questioned, looking him in the eyes. I swear, if his voice wasn't that gorgeous, I wouldn't have heard him because I was so entranced with those two, swirling pools of blue and green.

"Mhm," He chuckled softly. "I like a little bit of everything and I see you like P!ATD." Eren gave me a sweet smile along with a knowing look and I think I have a cavity because of it. I rolled my eyes in place of scheduling a dentist's appointment and/or scowling at him.

"Pick something." He said, thrusting his phone into my hands. My eyes widened fractionally before narrowing at the device.

_What the hell?_

"Why?" I asked him, looking at the teal-eyed teen questionably. He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head, his eyes going towards the ceiling instead of meeting mine.

"It-It's polite, right?" I let the corners of my lips turn up at his stutter and nodded silently before scrolling through his playlist. After an awkward moment of silence, I randomly clicked and gave it back to him, enjoying the beginning notes of this random song. He smiled at my choice before placing his phone in the space between us which, I noticed, had lessened a bit from before.

_Did he do that?_

Pondering the answer to that question, I sat there [listening](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCFccxaxbbQ) to this song. I assumed Eren liked this song quite a bit because the hand that Eren had placed on his knee was tapping. Following that moving appendage up his arm, around his shoulder, and towards his face, I watched him as he stared off into space, letting his hand tap away to the beat. His eyes looked distant, as if imagining another world entirely. I wondered what he was thinking about.

_Maybe he's questioning why he's here? Possibly. Shitty Four Eyes. What was the point in this? Who cares... You get to see Eren, so it doesn't even matter. He could be thinking about the song, or maybe he's daydreaming about something weird._

We sat there for a moment, lost in our own worlds; his was some fairy-tale that only his eyes could see and mine was sitting beside me, now slightly bobbing his head to the melody. I followed his movements and silently hoped that the ocean would meet stormy skies again.

"Levi?" He asked, out of the blue and without looking at me. The sound of my name almost startled me but I had my composure held. I looked for his eyes but they didn't meet mine. I hummed to let him know I was listening. He seemed almost nervous to continue, with his lip between his teeth. I wanted to kiss that anxiousness away but I knew that that would seriously be the end of me. I also wanted to see what he was going to say and most people can't speak when their lips are being used for something else.

"Do you ever think about how life would be if you just packed up and started moving around, wherever you please?" As he said this, he turned to me and met my gaze. The orbs that seemed to hold the sea and all its benthos shimmered with determination and wonder, making Eren look as if he were a lot younger than sixteen. He seemed to emanate this childlike wonder and it made me want to see what he was dreaming of. I sat there and looked at, no, really looked at him. I took in everything my eyes let me see; every little pore, every little hair, even the tiny freckle under his left cheekbone. I was seeing everything and I cannot say that I wasn't impressed. He's truly gorgeous. I guess my stare had made him uncomfortable because he shied away. Looking away, I figured I should answer his question, but how could I? I didn't even understand it.

"What do you mean?" I asked. Observing him must have become my new favourite pass time because I didn't miss the almost invisible way his innocent expression changed from kiddish to affectionate.

"I... I've always wanted to just go. To be nomadic, move from place to place and just experience things. I want the freedom," His small smile had transformed into that prize-winning grin that had my heart and head going nuts. "I want the freedom to do as I please but I don't want to leave behind everyone. Ugh, I'm sorry. I'm probably making no sense." He giggled and it had my turning up my lips a bit.

"Not one bit," I teased, loving the way he pouted slightly. "But I get it. You wanna be able to see the world without leaving behind the people who make up yours."

He nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! That's it exactly!" He laughed happily and turned towards me, his gaze filled with something I couldn't quite place.

"You're pretty smart, Levi. You summed that up perfectly."

"Quiet, brat." I blushed slightly at his compliment. He can't be this attractive, down-to-earth, and sweet.  _Triple threat, like woahhh_.

"What do you expect from someone who wants to minor in literature?" I slipped in that bit of information about myself to keep him talking. Deity knows how much I adore that voice. He instantly became very curious and I wanted to laugh at his emotions flakiness.

"Really? Why Lit? I-I mean, literature is cool! Lit kicks ass!" He asked and stated quickly. I chuckled a bit at his words, knowing full well that he was trying to act cool. It was very charming. I watched him stumble around words and rolled my eyes at Eren. That's adorable.

"Just minoring because I like. Words hold a lot of power... What about you?" I questioned, turning towards him and lifting my eyebrows. A light pink blush splashed across his cheeks as if someone had grabbed rose-tinted paint and used him as a canvas.

"I wanna draw, honestly. That's partly why I wanna travel the world, so that I can paint a picture for each continent, each country, each city. That's, you know, my dream... But my Dad, I just don't think he'd like it." From captivated with dreams to dejected, Eren's face fell when he mentioned his Dad. I wasn't good at helping people, that's for sure, but I didn't want to just stay quiet while he sat there sulking.

"I'm sure your Dad won't care... Your his son, he'll love you no matter what you do. If he doesn't," Finally the sea met the sky. "I'll personally kick his ass for you."

A sweet tintinnabulation that was simply euphonic spread through the room, a sound that I could listen to for hours: his laughter. His laugh seemed to ensorcell even himself because he did it loudly and clearly. I bet he knew I was delighted by it.

"You're great, Levi." He told me, wiping away a tear from his eye. "I guess that could work, though. I should talk to him about it soon and see if he actually does mind it." I nodded at his decision and let my eyes follow his hands as he picked up his phone to change the [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCySSeANvIc) again. The steady strum of a guitar met my ears and I saw Eren watching for my reaction, as if I'd either praise or scold him for the song choice. I rolled my eyes at him and he smiled at me.

"Levi?"

"What, Brat?"

"I think this song is about blowjobs and car sex."

My eyes widened to the size of head lights (I thought they did, at least) and I stared at him in disbelief. "What the fuck?"

"C-C'mon, Vi! Don't be a prude," He stuttered out through his laughter. I scowled at him for calling me a prude and for using a nickname. Who in their right mind decides that a song is about that kind of shit? I didn't even think Eren knew what those were.

"Surprised you know what blowjobs and sex are," I teased him. His face turned a bright shade of pink and he stared at his hands as if they'd give him a comeback.

"I'm not a baby," He defended, shooting me an embarrassed smile.

"Not a baby, more like six years old," I mumbled, to which he pouted.

"I'm not six... I'm six and a half," Eren joked, giggling a bit. I rolled my eyes and gave an airy chuckle. After that, we fell into a comfortable silence. We stared around the room, at each other, out of the windows and each time my stare met his, my heart jumped. This kid is doing some serious things to me and I can't find it in myself to stop it. Just being around him has my head spinning, my heart stopping, and my throat closing but at the same time, I've never felt this comfortable and open with another person. Everything about him screams honesty and it makes it where I can't breath or think straight. I've even called him "kid," and "brat," more than once. Maybe I should give him a nickname. He called me Vi, what's the big deal? I'm overthinking this.

I looked over at him to find him staring back at me, a blush quickly painting his cheeks and ears. I gave him a genuine smile and he seemed to relax. For a moment, we just looked at each other. I started mapping out the little places in his face again as he did the same to me, most likely wanting to push the fringe from my eyes.

"How old are you?" This kid has a weird habit of asking questions.

"Seventeen. You're six and a half."

"What's your favourite colour?"

"What is this? Twenty questions?"

"Is that okay?" He queried, looking at me like I'd bite his head off. I nodded at him, telling him that I didn't mind as long as he didn't ask really personal questions. We agreed to switch up as we asked, Me ask and then he'll ask but we'd answer both sets.

"Full name? Mine is Eren Jaeger... But a lot of people call me Suicidal Bastard or Bug," He told me, grinning like a fool. I'd have to find out the stories behind those nicknames soon.

"Levi Ackerman. Favourite colour? I got green."

"All of them, excluding yellow. Favourite food?"

"Probably sushi or dim sum. Story behind the nicknames?" Couldn't hurt, right?

"I like pizza. Sushi is good though. And... Um, well..." He took a breath and I got prepared for a long story.

"You see... Jean Kirstein and I didn't get along very well when we met. When I was younger, I had a bitching temper and I still do, but I control it... Anyway, Jean rubbed me the wrong way all the time. We fought constantly and it always led to us physically fighting. Jean has this issue, you don't talk about his Mom. He adores his mom and me, being a little shit, started with the mom jokes and everyone remembers the last guy that Jean fucked up for talking about his mom. So, long story short, I got the name Suicidal Bastard for insulting Jean's mom and getting my lights knocked out. Thing is, I did it more than once... so yeah," He giggled quietly and I whistled at his story, smiling at how Eren it seemed.

"How about "Bug,"" I asked.

"I got "Bug," because I ate a caterpillar for eight bucks when I was a kid." My face changed to one of utter disgust and he belted out a boisterous guffaw. Even I started laughing at him, because I knew that my 'utterly repulsed' face is pretty comical to other people. For an hour and a half after that, we talked. We talked about everything from favourite stuff, to music, to art, to strange words I learned in Lit. At some point, we'd both lied down on the table and stared at the ceiling as we conversed about the most trivial to the most controversial subjects. Little did I know that with every word I said, Eren had been putting it away to memory much like I had with his. I hadn't had a conversation with someone like this in years. I was slightly amazed and perplexed by how normal this felt, how great. Eren knew when to be silent for something important, when to smile at something sweet, and when to laugh at my dumb jokes. I even cracked a smile or two during some of his own stories. I had a feeling we could have talked for hours, and I knew he did too, When Hanji finally came and got us after two periods, both of us made noises of disappointment but not before Eren finished his story.

"... And-and then, Mikasa practically strangled me. I swear! She had her hands around my throat and everything!" We'd busted out laughing again when Hanji opened the door and grinned at us.

"Hey babies! Time to go back to class! Don't even ask how many strings I pulled to get you this free time. Finish up whatever and meet me outside. All you have left is your last period classes!" She bid us farewell and closed the door. With a sigh, I got up and adjusted my sweater. I got myself together as Eren did so himself, unhooking his earbuds from his phone. I was preparing to leave when I felt Eren's hand on my shoulder, making me turn around and face him.

_Tall ass fucker._

"Levi? I-I had a lot of fun talking to you..."

"Same, Brat."

"Really? That's great! I-I, um, I was... Can I get your number?" He asked, blushing profusely. I stared at him for a moment before realizing what exactly he just asked.

Eren wants my number?

"To talk and shit?"

"Well, y-yeah... If you want!" He added quickly. He shot me that same nervous smile from earlier and I knew I wouldn't be able to say no. I grabbed his phone and added in my number, saving it under "Heichou." I gave his phone back to him and it looked like his smile would break his face if it got any wider. He even recognized the name. I then proceeded to give him my phone and he decided to give me his number and take some selfies. I rolled my eyes and snatched my phone away, tucking it into my pocket. I scowled at him and he just grinned some more. That dotish grin would be the death of me.

"I'll see you around, okay?" He told me as he walked out of the door. He looked down and then back up at me before telling me that I should text him soon. I only nodded and watched him leave, walking back towards his last class of the day. As his form retreated, I couldn't help but wish he'd turn back and flash me that smile again.

"Ogling him already?" Hanji's voice surprised me but I didn't let it show. I turned around and rolled my eyes at her.

"Fuck off, Shitty Four Eyes." I huffed, quickly walking away from her. All she did was hum and walk a little bit behind me. Because she wasn't in eye-shot, I grabbed my phone and looked through my pictures at Eren's selfies, smiling at his cute faces. I really hope I don't actually fall in love with this little shit.

* * *

Later that day, as I put away my homework and eventually got into bed, I checked my phone one last time and noticed a new notification. I finally read what Eren's contact name was, and saw that it matched mine.

**"Cadet Eren Jaeger cx"**

I smiled at his choice of name, and the contact photo of him saluting. I read his message and replied, not really expecting a response back but he prevailed. It was almost one a.m. before I finally got to sleep, but I only had one thought before my mind pulled me towards sleep -

_I really hope I get this little shit to fall in love with me._


	10. Play Me Something?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10 Summary: Eren Once Again! This is Eren's blip of Wednesday's conversation (just him remembering it) and how he feels about it. The two start texting and calling each other normally, as if close friends. They see each other at school sometimes in the hallways and stuff like that. Basically, it's our two dorks being dorks and talking to one another and how Eren is feeling on this. This takes place on the last Friday in January, and we're starting to see more snow! Woohoo! Oh, and Eren uses "gayest," to describe some songs. Don't be offended! Sorry, lovelies. I hope you guys enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School is why I cannot update quickly. Blame school. Not...Not me...  
> *hides*

_Eren_

"Does that outfit make me look weird?" I asked Armin as I turned in the mirror at least eight different ways.

"Eren we're wearing the same thing, just different colours." Armin chuckled and he came up behind me and watched my reflection. I rolled my eyes and turned around.

"But you  _always_  look good. You've got that sweet and smart thing going on," I teased, ruffling his hair a bit. He just rolled his eyes. Armin and I had gotten to school earlier than usual on Friday morning because of the same damn ritual: Fresh Friday. Fresh Friday is last Friday of the month and on that day, Armin and I dress up and usually match. Today, Armin decided that he wanted to wear [blue](https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQrM_MS3hykEli-DGy_6kT-zOtQ8GXdp7oLAOe4lunVuUfN_Kss), along with a black bow tie and black dress pants. He looked pretty sharp, to be honest, and his giant, black-framed glasses put the whole thing together. However, I was a different story. I'd decided to go with green and khaki. I'd even put on a khaki bow tie and I just didn't think I looked good. We'd been in the bathroom for over fifteen minutes already and I could tell Armin was getting a bit antsy.

"Let's go, Bug. We need to get to class." He said, hands on his hips as he waited by the door. I was still fussing with my bow.

"Eren," Armin called gently. I looked back at him and the expression on his face could only be described as maternal. "You look  _brilliant_ , Eren. The [green](http://tse1.mm.bing.net/th?&id=JN.3rH9akdEwRrGlAZkG%2b6owQ&w=300&h=300&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0) makes your eyes practically sparkle and the khaki looks great against your skin. I promise, that Levi guy would definitely jump your bones." The blonde coconut stated, giggling the whole time. He laughed even harder when my face changed from golden brown to molten red. I looked for something to throw at him but huffed when I found nothing.

"Levi  _would not_! Don't go there, Blondie!" I stuck out my tongue at him and he just threw his head back, laughing loudly. That wasn't something he did often and the sight made me grin.

"C'mon, fool." He grabbed my wrist and yanked me out of the bathroom with little complaint from me. We started walking back towards second period, but not before grabbing some things from our locker. As I sorted through which notebooks I would need for the day (didn't Mr. say we were only having a study session today?), I felt my hip buzz. I took out my phone from my pocket and smiled at who texted me.

**Heichou: How long would someone spend in jail if they murdered Hanji?**

Giggling, I respondedwith "most likely twenty-five to life." This has been going on for the last two days.

Since Wednesday, Levi and I have shared a plethora of text messages. We talked about school, my job, our friends, just about everything we could. Sure, it was only two days but these last forty-eight hours had me smiling more and more. It turns out that Levi  _wasn't_ a prude, he has a love for bathroom humour. It was rather obvious if you read through our messages to each other, but something else was also  _very obvious_ : I like him. I really do. It was a fleeting thing for us to flirt behind our screens and keyboards, but it was there and very apparent. I didn't forget the plan Armin and I had set up, oh no, I was kicking it into gear all by sending a few sweet things here and there. I was positive that I'd gotten him to blush at least once, especially with the first goodnight text I had sent. I fondly recalled typing it and biting my nails as I pressed send.

"Eren?" Armin said, pulling me out of my reverie. I jumped a bit and acted as though I'd been checking for something else. Eventually, we  _did_ get to second period but I couldn't pay attention.

Sitting there in math class with my earbuds in, I thought back to Wednesday. Hanji, bless her crazy heart, had pulled me from my class with promises of a period filled with art but when we got back to Mr. Robyn's art room, I realized he wasn't even there  _and_  that I'd been set up. At first, I was angry with the brown-haired woman but then she tells me that I  _can_  paint but she doesn't think I'd want to. I was perplexed, to say the least, but then she said she just wanted to get me out of class and have me talk to Levi again. At the mention of my crush, my interest piqued. She smirked when she noticed this and convinced me to stay so that he and I could share some time together. Needless to say, I was very excited and very nervous. When he came in the room, I felt my heart speed up. Just remembering the sight of him did the same thing to me now and I found it hard to focus on the worksheet given to me. Then again, I wasn't focused to begin with. Staring out of the window of the classroom, I let my thought wander back to their previous place.

He didn't seem nervous. He didn't even seem like he wanted to be there, as if the thought of hanging out with me again bored him. I wasn't offended, not in the slightest (maybe a little), but I wanted him to  _want_  to be friends with me at least. I wanted,  _needed_  to try at least, right? I tried being polite and, sure enough, we actually talked quite a bit. He began to warm up to me after I'd been forward enough. Despite leading the conversation most of the time, I'd had a lot of fun talking to him. My mind conjured up the image of his smile and I felt myself doing the same. His thin, pale pink lips were normally set in a straight line but after we'd loosened up, every now and then the corners would turn up and my heart would start soaring. He listened so well and, even when I got soul-searchy, he'd provide me with a response. Even when he remained quiet, I knew that he acknowledged and cared about what I'd said. He was just so... I can't put it to words. He understood. He even said he'd kick my Dad's ass if he didn't support my going into art. I suppressed a chuckle at the memory. I don't think I've met anyone like him, anyone like him at all.

Ebony hair and stormy grey eyes, porcelain skin and the hands of a writer. I wondered if he'd ever write me anything. I had a feeling that he'd throw in a "shitty brat," here and there to keep it  _Levi_ I bet he would, though, if I ever got him to be mine.

_Levi... As mine._

The thought had me grinning like a fool. Late nights spent talking on the phone, cheesy dates and dumb pick-up lines, dedicating the gayest songs to each other, all of these things were things I wanted to do with him. I wanted him to keep me awake until four a.m. I wanted to take him on cheesy dates to watch dumb movies and use really awkward pick-up lines (what's the difference between an erection and a Ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari) to get him to smile. I wanted to find every Jack Johnson song and screech them at him, only to have him slap my arm and tell me to be quiet all while he's grinning from ear to ear. I wanted all of this and more, all to make Levi happy. Sighing in contentment, I hadn't realized I'd drawn a [picture ](http://tse1.mm.bing.net/th?&id=JN.H2zbdOzD8zvdQ30qcxSr8A&w=300&h=300&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0)on the back of my scratch piece of paper, surrounding by formulas and random math equations. I looked at it, eyes wide _,_ but then I realized what I'd drawn. I grinned at the sight of two interlaced hands, knowing exactly who the hands belonged to. As I stared at it almost fondly, I heard the bell for third period start ringing. I quickly gathered up my shit, telling Armin to wait on me. I handed in my worksheet and wished Mr. Veil a good day before rushing out of his classroom and straight towards my third period class: Art, with Mr. Robyn. I just knew I'd have to show him the improvements I'd made on drawing appendages. Meanwhile, I'd no idea that Armin had seen them and it dawned on him just exactly who the people holdings hands were. I also didn't see him smirking.

As I made my way towards lunch with Mikasa, Annie, and Jean about two periods later, my brain kept reverting back to what my art teacher had said.

* * *

_Eren! That's lovely! You've improved greatly since the last time I practically forced you to draw hands," Mr. Robyn exclaimed, chuckling heartily. I grinned at him and put away the drawing, happy to be praised._

_"Thank you! I knew I'd get it eventually," I told him, pride swelling in my chest. He ruffled my hair and I smiled._

_"Whomever has got you thinking about people holding hands certainly had an influence, don't you think?" I know I turned beet red when he'd said that, and I made my way to where Jean and Connie were sitting. I was glad they hadn't heard my conversation with Mr. Robyn over their teasing. We began our group assignment with a bout of laughter, but we eventually got started. The entire time, though, I'd thought about what Mr. Robyn had said._

_"Whomever has got you thinking about people holding hands certainly had an influence, don't you think?"_

* * *

Mikasa snapped me out of my memory when she grabbed onto my shoulders. I quickly turned towards her, confusion written all over my face. She blushed slightly.

"Annie tried to trip me," She then proceeded to glare at Annie half-heartedly, who had a small smirk on her face.

_These two._

I rolled my eyes as I grabbed my lunch and sat down with the crew at our normal table, but not before telling the Annie and Mikasa to get a room. The two girls scoffed simultaneously and the sight made me laugh. As I sat down, I realized that I didn't have any napkins.

"Armin,"

"Yuh," He said through a mouthful of mashed potatoes. I giggled at his squished face and poked his cheek.

"Soppit," He warned, shooting me a hilariously strange glare.

"Will you go get me some napkins?"

He swallowed, "No."

"Jeaaannn!"

"Eat a dick, Jaeger,"

"Connie? Please?"

"Asino pigro, vai a prendere li da soli!" He yelled. My eyes widened when I saw that he was practically wrestling Sasha to get his mashed potatoes back. They were really going at it, too. Sasha had the little clear container in her hands and Connie was behind her, gripping at her hair.

"I don't speak Italian!" I yelled back, giggling at his predicament. I huffed and got up, maneuvering my way through throngs of chairs and tables and people. As I neared a napkin dispenser, I heard Connie screaming again.

"Ridatemi le mie patate! Sei un ladro!"

Laughing, I grabbed a few napkins while I stared at them. I didn't notice someone else was there until someone's hand touched mine.

"Oi! Hurry u- Eren?" I recognized that voice anywhere. I grinned and turned around. I was suddenly very glad I'd gotten my own napkins.

"Hey, Levi. I'm sorry," I stepped away and let him get a few of the napkins before I grabbed some more for me.

"Did the clean freak actually spill something?" I asked, pretending to be taken aback. He rolled his eyes and glared at me. All I did was smile back because his glares don't even effect me.

" _Hanji_ got juice all over Erwin because she's insane," He told me, looking back over at his table. I took a peek as well and was  _actually_ taken aback when I saw Hanji shrieking at Erwin. I whistled in shock.

"You should probably handle that," I mentioned, giggling at Levi's annoyed expression. As he turned back towards me, his face softened and he looked me in the eyes.

"Eren," Levi said my name to get my attention and it worked. I looked back at him, curious as to what he wanted. I bet he could read my face like a book.

"I've got some things to do tonight so I won't be able to text you," The look on his face didn't change and I knew my heart fell. I looked at him whilst trying to act like I didn't mind, sputtering about how I can text him tomorrow. All he did was roll his eyes at me and raise an eyebrow.

"Gonna let me finish?" I stopped mid-sentence and nodded at him. "Just call me." With that, his lips turned up very slightly before they fell again as he walked away. I stood there, dumbfounded and with a dumb look on my face.

_Just call me. He wants me to call him and we'll talk on the phone, like real friends, like... Like a couple._

Squealing (a manly squeal, mind you), I made my way back over to my table with a huge smile on my face. I sat down and ate quickly, ready to get home and call Levi for the first time. I guess Armin noticed that I was getting restless and wanted to leave, so he hurried up as well and followed me back to our last couple of classes. Through the last two, I explained everything about what had happened between Levi and I. He sat there and listened like I was telling some great tale of giants and cloak-wearing heroes, when in actuality, I was only squealing and squeaking like a girl. Armin just said he was happy that I told him and that, and I quote, "Need to tell me  _everything_  about your phone sex later tonight." Red-faced and sputtering, I defended myself with saying, "we will  _not_!" The coconut laughed at me (the audacity of this coconut!) and answered the last two problems for my poetry worksheet. I felt both embarrassed by and grateful to my best friend, which I suppose is normal if your best friend is an evil genius.

Later that day, after we'd hugged and exchanged a fast agreement to refrain from texting tonight, I got in the front seat of Mom's car and practically wailed with excitement. Mom rolled her eyes and asked what had me so happy and I hurriedly told her that I was excited about playing in the snow tomorrow. She smiled and ruffled my hair before asking Mikasa about her day. As the women talked, I toyed with the radio and found something to fit my mood. I was bobbing my head along to the newest song by Tove Lo as I watched the snowy ground fly by and it was then that I realized.

_I have work tonight._

* * *

Two hours later, I found myself tying my skates as Sasha started up with a DJ Snake song. I couldn't believe I had forgotten about work, especially on one of the more busy days. I quickly got up and checked for anyone who might need help. Not noticing anyone struggling, I sat down on the concession stand counter top. I almost smiled at the sound of Armin gasping. He had forgotten about my working tonight too.

"Eren! I forgot you were working tonight," Armin said, huffing out a breath. I shrugged and watched as more and more people poured in.

"I dunno what to say to Levi... I didn't wanna miss the chance to have one of those late-night phone calls, but I didn't wanna miss out on work either." Sighing, I turned to Armin and ordered a Dr. Pepper. He gave it to me free of charge due to "unfortunate circumstances." We talked for a little bit but I couldn't find it in me to actually hold down a conversation. Sasha even tried playing my favourite song to cheer me up, but it didn't do much. I thanked her for her efforts, nonetheless, but I wasn't enthusiastic. I sat by the concession stand for a little while longer before going off and breaking up a fight between two freshmen. I had to escort the two guys out of there, and that was the highlight of my night up until nine-thirty. I almost didn't hear it over the[ music ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dz24DgBUQbc)but Levi's distinct ringtone was hard to miss. I quickly grabbed my phone and looked at it before looking at Armin with an alarmed expression. Shit, no. Levi wasn't supposed to call, and I was freaking the fuck out. My eyes were huge when they met Armin's.

"Black hole room, go. I've got you." He told me hurriedly, grinning at me and I thanked every deity ever for him. I skated back into the Black Hole and sat down on the little galaxy bench before clearing my throat and answering the call.

"Hello?"

"Brat, what took you so long?" I smiled at his voice.  _Levi._

"I, well... I was a bit busy but I'm good now." It wasn't a complete lie. I sat there and relaxed onto the bench, happy to be able to talk to Levi and not miss it.

"Glad you weren't too busy to answer. What's up?" Smiling as I answered him, I watched as the room around me started to glow. It was finally getting up to speed in Saturn and I figured Shadis had turned on the black-, glow-, and colour-lights to the place. The room was solid black, with little white stars littering the ceiling and walls. The glow-stick chandelier above me consisted of blues and greens and yellows, lighting up the normally pitch black room.

"Just kind of sitting here, listening to music and talking to you."

"How exciting," He answered sarcastically. I giggled and rolled my eyes at him, loosening the bow tie around my neck.

"Talking to you is always exciting," I teased, hoping that my comment made him smile.

"Same with you, you little shit. Which is surprising," I laughed out loud at his insult, knowing full well he was trying to cover up the fact that he just admitted to liking talking to me.

"Oh, really? What about talking to me excites you the most?"

"When you shut up."

I almost started crying with laughter. I could hear the smirk in his voice and remembering the sight of his devilish smile had my heart thumping. He always made me laugh, mostly at my own expense but hey. It's Levi.

"You're so lying. You love talking to me," I sighed as my laughter began to fade. I heard him hum over the phone and I smiled. He didn't want to admit it out loud, but he wanted me to know that he did.

"I love talking to you too, Levi." I said softly, listening to beat of the music through the wall. I made a mental note to thank Armin a million times for this because talking to Levi really  _is_  something I love to do.

"What about talking to me do you love the most," He teased, saying that in a voice that was supposed to be an imitation of my own. I giggled because, truth be told, it  _did_ sound like me when I was half-asleep.

"Your jokes and how mean you are to me-"

"Aren't  _you_  a little masochist." He let out a short, breathy chuckle and I almost missed what he said because of it.

"Am not! I like it 'cause you don't really mean it," I huffed and he let out the same little chuckle, sending waves of happiness through my body. I love making him laugh.

"I might mean it," He mentioned. I rolled my eyes.

"If you meant  _everything_  you said to me, you wouldn't wanna talk to me. Dweeb."

" _You're_  a dweeb, but you're also right. But if I wasn't mean to you, you wouldn't have much more to love about our conversations, other than my shit jokes. By the way, you're a little shit."

I started laughing again because Levi is a riot. I wiped away a fake tear after Levi told me to stop dying and I sighed again, happy with how this was going.

"I'd still love you jokes, that's true. But if you weren't mean, you might be  _nice_  to me."

"Nice? Me? Ha. Ha." He replied sardonically. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm sure you can be nice,"

"I can be. Just not to you."

"Why not?" I asked, puffing like a child.

"If I were nice to you, you might miss me being mean."

"Just  _try_  being as nice as possible to me. Do it. I dare you." I waited for him to object after I'd said that but all I met with was silence. I began to think he'd hung up me when I heard him take in a short breath. I let my head tilt to one side as I pondered over what he was doing, but I didn't have to think long.

"I think you have really beautiful eyes," He complimented me quietly, as if he didn't mean for me to hear it. I sat there, a little shocked, but I quickly recovered and felt a blush spread across my face. I sputtered a bit before taking a breath and calming down enough to reply.

"Thank you... I, um, I think you have beautiful eyes too."

"Grey isn't good-looking."

"Yeah it is," I smiled and heard my voice become almost tender and warm. "Grey is gorgeous... Your eyes are really pretty, Levi. Sometimes they look like silver and sometimes they look black. I've seen them change from bright to dark, and they have this icy-blue tint to them... Your eyes are really pretty." I told him breathlessly. After a moment of silence, I began to think I took it too far, that I had creeped him out. I imagined a million terrible scenarios at once: Levi calling me a faggot; Levi yelling at me; Levi not wanting to be friends anymore. I almost tried to take it back, but he interrupted me before I could.

"Eren..." He said airily. The sound of his voice and me swooning like a school-girl. "Thank you." I could practically feel the weight in that two word sentence. Something had changed between us and I felt it deep within in, but it wasn't bad. Something had grown in the place where innocent friendship had developed and I had a feeling that, maybe, something really great was about to happen. I sat there and thought about what that simple compliment had done for he and I, and I found myself smiling. Armin was right, subtle Eren can do a lot but "act-first-think-later," Eren had led me to where I was now. And I was happy where I was.

"It's... It's no problem, Levi. I'm just being honest." I replied sheepishly.

"Shut up, enough sappy shit. Tell me something interesting." Laughing for the umpteenth time that night, we fell into a comfortable conversation about what we wanted to be once we got out of high school. He wanted to go into business management and take over his uncle's design company. I told him that if he ever needed an artist's point of view, he could always call on me. After I'd said that, he got quiet and told me that he'd really like that. We talked about possibly working together one day as collaboration partners and I couldn't help but think of other ways we could be partners. He'd even made a joke about he and I being partners in design instead of partners in crime. The time seemed to fly by and I didn't notice when the clock said it was five minutes after my shift ended. Before I knew what had happened, Armin was coming to get me. I quickly told Levi that he could call me back if he wanted and he agreed and told me to call him when I wasn't busy anymore. Grinning like a fool, Armin led me outside into the softly-falling snow. I took a moment to take in New York in all its glory.

Bright lights continued to glow through the dark of night, illuminating the normally white snow with a plethora of blues, greens, and reds. The little icy flakes fell down slowly and softly, giving the world an almost innocent and tender feel. Although it was cold temperature-wise, with every new sight, a new feeling of warmth blossomed inside of me. I watched as my breath formed in front of me with every exhale and I sighed happily, as if I'd just been overwhelmed with bliss.

"You seem happy," Armin mentioned, shivering slightly because of the cold. I nodded and we got in his car, thankful that he had started it and warmed it up before he came and got me.

"I am," I answered, taking a breath of air to warm my freezing lungs. I then proceeded to tell him all about our conversation as we drove to my house, not leaving out the little details of how we'd changed from teasing to terribly sweet. All the while, Armin cooed and giggled like a child and I found the sight rather cute.

"By the way," I started, watching as his light brown eyebrows went up slightly. "I wanna thank you... for  _everything._ For covering for me, for talking me through everything, for helping me with all this... Just thank you. I really, really appreciate, Armin. Thank you." I giggled when his roundish face turned a bright pink.

"What are friends for, Bug?" He chuckled and we shared a hug (awkwardly because of the gear-shift). I offered to let him inside for a bit, but he declined, telling me that he was tired. I nodded and placed a friendly kiss on the top of his blonde mop before I hastily ran inside. I took off my coat and put it on the rack by the door, as well as slipped off my shoes and put them in the closet. I made my way upstairs, remembering to grab my phone and changed out of my stuffy slacks and dress shirt. Taking a quick piss, I put on my overly large afterwards as I traded my boxers for another pair. I stretched before I jumped onto my bed, turning on the little bedside lamp.

11:44

Is Levi still awake? I didn't want to risk waking him up but, then again, I didn't want to pass up the opportunity. Before I could think over it some more, my thumb had hit the call button next to Levi's profile picture. I wanted to press the end call button before he even picked up but then I'd just look chicken shit. I took a breath and waited for him to pick up, which I was glad he did.

"Hey, Eren." His voice sounded tired, as if he'd been half asleep when I'd called, but there was something else there, something sweet.

"Did I wake you up?"

"No. Well, yeah. I was just starting to doze off." He admitted, still sounded as though he was sleepy. It was lovely, the way his voice was slightly deeper and yet somewhat softer.

"It  _is_ late but I told you I'd call back."

"Don't hang up." I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. I felt a gentle smile appear on my face.

"I won't. What were you up to?"

"I was playing the piano. What about you?"

"Just lying here. I didn't know you played piano. How long have you known?" There was a pause before he answered.

"My mom taught me when I was eight," He said this slowly, as if testing out the words. Hearing it like that almost made me think he resented his mother, but I wasn't going to pry. He would tell me in due time.

"That's really cool. Would you play me something?" I asked tentatively. I really did want to hear him play. I was imagining all these wonderful scenes where Levi gracefully played something on the piano for me, a love song that only he and I knew.

"Why?" He asked incredulously. I chuckled a little at how shocked he must be.

"I just wanna hear you, if that's alright." I could see him nod on the other side of the phone and he asked what I'd like to hear. I was confused by his answer because I thought he would randomly play something he knew.

"Whatever you want, I guess. I don't know many piano things," I admitted bashfully. He hummed in acknowledgment before I heard two of the higher keys on the piano being plucked.

"You like anime, right?"

"I do." I told him, curious as to what he was going to do. Before I could ask, though, a soft [melody](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiQv_qV2wcc) met my ears. I was rendered speechless in an instant, listening as my breath hitched. As Levi played, I kept my eyes on my ceiling. I made patterns with the little dots, smiling as they formed memories from the past week. I realized that the Wednesday I'd spent in the classroom with Levi was also the first day the snow began to fall. The realization made my heart warm in an unexpected way. It was as if Fate was telling us that that was the day something fell between us, other than snowflakes, and that something was the wall we'd put up, trying to keep the other out. Days later (and a night), Fate found me listening to Levi tap away on his piano. He played beautifully, perfectly if I'm honest. He never missed a key and, even if he did, I was sure that it would still sound pleasant to my ears. From the beginning, I knew he was playing something very familiar and the fact that he remembered I love Clannad made me smile widely. With every new note, I was falling harder and harder for him and I didn't have it in me to pick myself up.

_Levi Ackerman, if you only knew what you did to me._

I sat there silently, imagining what his face would look like as he delicately played each key. Would it be a look of quiet concentration, brows furrowed and intently watching the black and white keys? Or could it be a look of fond bliss, where his eyes were closed and enjoying each new sound? Is it possible that he maintained his stoic, disinterested expression even whilst playing? Did his eyes, open or closed, reflect what he felt inside? May they be filled with a deep, sad longing or an affectionate, paternal stare, I was sure he would be extremely beautiful either way. I turned up the call volume to hear him better, eager to catch every noise the stunning instrument made. I pictured Levi in a big, empty room with the lights out. Tall ceilings and tall windows with long, black curtains billowing around him as he played a pitch black piano in the center of the room. A crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling above him, glittering and shining in the pale moonlight that drifted in through the spotless windows, reflecting even the smallest of illuminations. His body would twist and turn with every fragile touch to the white and black on the grand piano, his ebony hair falling in his face as his writer's fingers danced. I was suddenly overcome with the desire to draw that scene in my head, but I stayed put to listen to him. I couldn't even fathom doing anything but letting him play for me, every harmonious tone tickling my ear and practically brain washing me. I wished I could be there with him to actually see him play.

_I thought those were a writer's hands, when in reality, they were the hands of a musician._

Enjoying the euphonic tinkling of the piano, I turned over in bed and took a look outside of my window. While it was warm and homey in the house, bitter cold frosted the formerly heated glass of my window as though the outside was frigid and icy. The snowflakes danced on the transparent surface and made it seem as though a spider had weaved a web of ice with each touch. Although the window was slightly covered in frost, I could clearly see the snow falling harder than usual outside. New York was certainly stunning by itself, but it was a gorgeously gelid wonderland when covered in a white blanket. I shifted so that I was wrapped up tighter in my blankets as sleep began having a tug of war with my eyelids.

"Levi..." I called quietly and breathlessly, as if speaking any louder would hurt him in some way. He only hummed and continued playing. I let out a soft breath and smiled a sleepy grin. I could tell he was nearing the end of the song and the thought made my smile falter; I didn't want this exceptional moment to end, let alone the call. I wanted something this special to last forever, to listen to Levi play for all of time, all while teetering on the edge of dreams and reality.

_Isn't this dreamlike, though?_

Before I could answer my own question (or hand up the phone), I was finally claimed by the sandman. The last thing I heard before my brain truly declared me as asleep was Levi's genteel voice saying, "Goodnight, Eren. Sleep well."

_Goodnigh_ _t Levi.  
_

 

* * *

Translations (Italian):

**Asino pigro, vai a prendere li da soli!**  - Lazy ass, go get them yourself!

 **Ridatemi le mie patate! Sei un ladro**! - Give me back my potatoes! You're a thief!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me if my Italian is off, I'm not fluent in it. If you have suggestions, thank you! I'd love help.


	11. Lines On A Napkin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 11 Summary: Levi's Pov! We learn a bit about Levi's past and it's rather sad... But I think you all guessed that. Levi also realized he likes Eren a lot more than he originally thought. To steer clear of everything being exceptionally sad, Eren, that beastly little guy, calls at the right time and invites Levi to take a walk with him through Central Park. On their walk, Levi has a beautiful thoughts about both life and death and the two learn some more about each other. The pair stop by a café and Eren cheers Levi up, just by being an adorable little shit. Whilst waiting for their orders, Eren does something incredibly sweet for our ravenette and they grow even closer. Oh! And he has a talk with Uncle Kenny!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Levi plays during his thinking is The Only Exception by Paramore and it's supposed to start at .25! There's lots of French and some German phrases, but I'll translate them at the end! This is a lot longer than my usual chapters, it's about 7,800 words. Enjoy~!

_Levi_

[Tapping](https://youtu.be/ZcUVJAuChHg?t=25s) the keys of the black piano in front of me, I had the sudden urge to look out of the window closest to me. As I stole a glance to the outside world, I was hit with a realization as my eyes met with the crisp, white snow. I'd actually played for someone.

_I played for Eren._

In my short eighteen years of life, I'd played for two people and two people only: my mother and father. I would sit there at our large, white grand piano back in France and pluck whatever keys my little mind thought sounded best and they would be there to cheer me on, telling me that I sounded wonderful. Maman had taught me at a young age, eight as I had told Eren, and I'd taken to the instrument like a fish to water. I recall sitting on that uncomfortable little stool for hours on end, constantly playing every song I could imagine. Père, despite his love for peace and quiet, never once told me to stop. Hell, the man encouraged me to continue. As I let the memories of my parents fill my mind, I felt my chest clench in unbearable pain. I played for him. I actually played something for someone, after four years of inactivity.

 _Maman... Père... How long has it been since you let those thoughts back into your brain?_  
It's been almost two years. I faltered in the middle of the song I'd been playing, but I was determined to finish it. Maman always said not to start a song if you don't think you could end it. Images of her flooded my psyche and it took a moment for me to regain my composure. I stared down at the keys, watching as my hands automatically flitted from left to right to hit each note accordingly. Because of my inattentiveness, I hadn't noticed that someone had entered the music room.

"Levi?" Kenny spoke softly, standing in the door frame. I didn't look up. I heard his footsteps walk closer and closer until I felt his hand on my shoulder and his presence behind me. Don't get me wrong, I love Kenny but it isn't the same. Maman and Père would always be my parents, but Kenny is a brilliant uncle. For the last six years, he was the only parental figure I had. I would never be able to repay him for that and I'm very grateful to him, but a child's true parents could never be replaced. I think both he and I knew that.

"I heard you playing last night... It sounded exquisite," He complimented, giving my shoulder a soft squeeze. "It's just that you haven't played in so long, ma douce neveu. I was wondering why you chose to last night." There was something in his voice, a quiet longing to know why but he wouldn't push me to say anything. I knew that he would never. I was surprised that he'd spoken in French, if I am honest. We'd both long since abandoned the language but it was bittersweet to hear it again, after so long. He hasn't called me "sweet nephew," since I was twelve and I would never admit to missing that.

"You don't have to say anything. I won't make you... But keep playing. I miss the sound of your beautiful music." I felt his hand leave my shoulder and I knew he was planning to go, but I had to tell him this. I couldn't keep him in the dark this long.

"Kenny," I called, lifting my hands from my instrument.

"Oui?" He stopped and looked back, his tired grey eyes focused on me.

I didn't look up from the piano but I cleared my throat. It took me a moment to think of what I wanted to say. What if he didn't accept it?

_Just do what you think you'll regret the least._

"I played for the boy I like," I stated, finally letting my eyes meet his. He stood there for a moment, looking a little confused as if I'd just spouted nonsense. I was overcome with feelings of betrayal, anger, sadness, and hurt. Does he not understand? Is he confused or homophobic or-

"He must be very special to you," He said, a smile on his face. I looked at him uncertainly, almost hesitantly.

 _What?_ I was about to ask him if he could comprehend what I said when he started laughing. I stared at him as if he'd grown a second head.

"Qu'il est doux, vous pensez que je suis contre il! Levi, mon neveu chéri, your old uncle isn't as prudish as I seem." With a deep chuckle, he walked back towards me, smiling like a moron.

_What the fuck?_

"Levi," He said gently as he crouched down to meet my eye-level. "I don't care  _who_  you love, as long as you love them and they love you back. I'm glad that this boy has gotten to you so much that you've started playing the piano again; I miss hearing you, and I miss seeing you truly happy. Little Dove, you're so much like your mother. You don't really care what anyone thinks unless you really care about them and, as far as I can tell, you really care about this boy-"

"His name is Eren,"

"-about Eren. I'm your uncle, Levi. If you're happy, I am happy and if Eren makes you happy, go be happy. I wouldn't dare stop you... I regret making you stop your playing, though." He gave me one of those old-man smiles, the kind of smile that has seen much of happiness and sadness, the kind only very wise men could give. I shot him a nod and watched as he retreated from the room.

_What just happened?_

Relief coursed through my veins and filled my heart, as well as admiration for the man that had just raised my spirits. I smiled, a genuine upturn of the lips, as my eyes met with the familiar black and white at my finger tips.  
He didn't care. He didn't care that I liked a guy, hell, he insinuated that he'd had a crush on a guy before too. I didn't know how to explain the joy that overwhelmed me. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I was finally free of a heavy burden. I was ecstatic, to say the least.

 _Would Maman and Père have cared?_  
With that thought, I exhaled as though the breath of bliss Kenny had given me had suddenly turned sour. I took a sharp breath and let it out again, raggedly.

_They wouldn't have cared, Levi. Maman's brother is apparently bi and Père would have loved you either way, even his best friend was gay._

I tried convincing myself that my birth parents would have loved me either way, and even if I did believe that, it was still very painful to think about them. I suppose I never really reached any type of closure, because I'd refused to think about them or their death for as long as I can remember. When thinking about the way my parents had went out, my lips grew tight and my eyes filled with tears. It wasn't fair that the two people I truly loved were taken away from me.

Even if they weren't the only people to love me, I was still clinging to them as if they were still here, still with me. The pictures my mental camera had taken of them releases their film unexpectedly, filling my mind with the far away snapshots of my memory. My mother's long, black hair and pretty silver eyes were things I'd inherited from her and seeing them again forced my lungs to tighten along with my heart to squeeze in sorrowful nostalgia.

_They hadn't even lived half of their lives, why would they have been taken away from me?_

I hadn't realized my phone was ringing until its vibrations caused it to fall off of the piano. I quickly picked it up and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Levi," Eren said into his receiver. The sound of his voice instantly calmed me down and I was thankful he called when he did. He sounded cold and breathless, as if he was outside.

"Brat, what do you want?"  _Smooth, Levi. Real smooth._

He just chuckled at me. "I was wondering if you would -uh- I dunno, maybe wanna take a walk with me? It's a really beautiful day and I, um... I just figured we could spend it together, if-if you wanted."

I could practically see his blush and the thought of it almost made me smile. However, I didn't have enough time to think about his blushing face when I'd just been invited out by him.

"You want me to take a walk with you when it's cold as balls and snowing outside." It was more of a statement than a question, but he giggled nonetheless, realizing how weird he must have sounded.

"You don't have to, I just thought we could hang out."

"Where?"

"So you will? Great! I guess we can meet in Central Park? It isn't that busy since it's snowing but I think-"

"I'm not staying in the cold longer than necessary." I listened to him falter and I knew he was sheepishly rubbing the back of his head, as he usually did that when he was embarrassed.

"Uh, w-would you want me to pick you up? 'Cause I can, I don't mind. It might take me a bit but I can manage," He offered.

"Sure, Kid, if it isn't troublesome."

"Not at all. Text me your address and dress warmly. I'll see you soon," When he hung up, I smiled.

_Eren invited me out. On a date, maybe? Probably not, but I'll ask. Probably. Maybe not... Nah._

I got up from the piano bench and went to my room, phone in hand. I told Eren I'd be ready in an hour and texted him my address while I stripped off my clothes. I clicked send before I switched on my music and jumped into the shower. Letting the clear rivulets cascade over my hair and face, I took a breath and let myself relax for the first time today.

Last night was probably the most I'd smiled in a while. Shit, since I  _met Eren_ was probably the most I'd smiled  _ever_. He knew how to keep the conversation perfect; teetering just between the edges of friendly and adorable. I still couldn't believe I'd played for him, let alone one of the songs from his fourth favourite anime. I scoffed at myself;  _of course_ I knew it was his  _fourth_  favourite. I ran some shampoo through my black hair and thought about just how well I knew him. From bits of his childhood to his plans for the future, he'd told me almost everything. He never asked for information in return, he just accepted that I was rather reclusive and didn't expect anything back. However, I  _did_  provide him with bits and pieces from time to time and to say that he was overjoyed with it was an understatement. I smirked as I recalled telling him about the games Erwin and I used to play and his excited grin. I let the water rinse out my hair as I bathed quickly but thoroughly. I hopped out after I'd deemed myself clean and realized I only had thirty more minutes to get ready.

I picked out some random [outfit](http://media2.onsugar.com/files/2011/08/34/0/1873/18732759/7b68cf05b5395659_Mens_Clothing_B.jpg) before blow-drying my hair whilst brushing my teeth. Once finished with my hair and mouth, I slipped on my clothes and ran a comb through my still slightly damp locks. Scowling, I started blow drying my hair again and texted Kenny that I was going out with a friend, because I knew he would try and give me "the talk," if I said I was going out with Eren. I considered my hair dry as I ran the comb through it again, listening as my phone went off again. I figured it was just Kenny before I grabbed it and shoved it in my coat pocket. I quickly went into the living room, where I instantly stopped in my tracks at what my eyes were met with.

Eren was standing in my living room. He was [dressed](http://i01.i.aliimg.com/wsphoto/v0/622241163_1/Sakura-s-Store-CPAM-FREE-Men-s-Clothing-hoodies-jackets-for-men-men-s-casual-jacket.jpg) in faded, ripped jeans and a blue coat, along with a white T underneath and a black ski-cap covering his messy brown hair. The blue of his jacket made the blue in his eyes stand out a good, they almost looked cerulean. The light coloured clothes made his honey-coloured skin stand out wonderfully. His shy stance next to Kenny's confident one made him seem small, but I knew better than that. To say that he looked  _delicious_  would be an understatement. I overheard only Kenny speaking and I was wondering why when I realized he was speaking French.

_Eren speaks Fren-_

"Neveu! J'etais votre déroutant petit ami pour les cinq dernières minutes et cette merde est hilarant! Venez faire ce cutie avant que je commence le blasphème cracher!" Kenny said, giving me a grin. I took one look at the old man and narrowed my eyes, silently vowing to murder him once I came home.

"Kenny, Eren est pas mon petit ami!" I growled, baring my teeth at him. He rolled his eyes at me (the audacity of this man) and turned back towards Eren, his eyes sparkling kindly. Eren turned towards me and smiled so wide I thought his cheeks would split.

"Levi! I was wondering where you were. I was just uhh... listening to your uncle," He giggled and turned back to Kenny, offering him a gentle grin. Kenny nodded at him and looked back towards me, beckoning for me to come over. Reluctantly, I made my way over to them and stood beside Eren, glaring at my uncle.

"Don't listen to him, Kenny is an ass." I said to Eren without taking my eyes off of Kenny. We silently stared, challenging each other as if we were about to spar.

"Uhh... Well, I didn't understand him. You were both speaking French." He chuckled nervously, blushing a soft pink as his bright eyes fell to his feet. I let my eyes wander to his and I felt my face soften a bit.

_How cute is he, on a scale of one to ten? Shiiit, is infinity a choice?_

"C'est mignon! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You two go ahead and go, alright?" He said, making his way into the kitchen. I rolled my eyes when he said, "Be safe and have her back by ten, Eren!"

I was so done with Kenny's shit. Eren was giggling when I yanked him outside and I was instantly hit with the cold and shivered, not at all prepared for the snow or the icy winds. I sneezed and Eren laughed harder.

"C'mon, Brat." I practically threw him in the front of what I assumed was his Jeep Wrangler and I made my way towards the passenger seat. As I climbed in, I was thankful he'd kept the engine running. I sighed silently in content.

"I didn't know you spoke French, Levi." He mentioned, looking at me. Because of the cold, his cheeks and nose were slightly red and his lips a little pale, but still unbelievably kissable. He looked absolutely precious, with his flushed face and snow flaked eyelashes. The little white specks in his lashes made the silvery freckles in his eyes stand out, making them look more and more blue by the minute.

_Gorgeous._

I was almost so wrapped up in looking at him that I forgot to answer.

"It's my mother language... I'm originally from France." I admitted, reaching out to fuck with the radio. He began pulling out of my driveway and started speaking again, a wide grin on his lips.

"That's so cool! You don't even have a lilt in your accent. Could you say something to me in French?" His bright, frozen-ocean coloured eyes met mine. They were large and curious, practically begging me to complete my action. I smirked.

"Vous voulez que je parle sale à vous en français?" I whispered huskily, watching as his curious eyes became wide with confusion, adoration, and embarrassment. I said that  _just_  to get under his skin, wanting to make sure I could actually  _get_  there. His eyes, now matter how bewildered he was,didn't stay like that forever; they actually narrowed for a moment.

"Sie sagten etwas schmutzig, nicht wahr?"

"German?" I asked, smirking at him. He nodded and told me he picked it up from his Dad. I hummed in agreement and found something I liked on the radio. I sat back in the seat and watched snow covered trees fly past my vision.

"Levi," Eren called. I grunted to signal that I heard him.

"How do you say 'asshole,' in French?"

"Trou du cul, why?"

"That's what you are," I narrowed my eyes and growled at him, causing him to laugh happily. Rolling my eyes, I mumbled an insult under my breath. I didn't think he'd hear me.

"Don't call me French curse words under your breath, arschloch." He teased, slipping off his ski-cap and running a hand through his hair.

"Would you rather me call you things like mon cher, mon amour, ma chérie?"

"Those are little sweet names for lovers." He said softly, biting his lip to keep the smile off his face. I stared at him for a moment before I let a gentle smile grace my lips.

"Mon garçon aux yeux lumineux,vous me rendre sans voix." I told him quietly, not looking away from his red cheeks.

"Ich weiß nicht was Sie gesagt haben," He faltered a bit before whispering, "Aber es bedeutet die Welt für mich."

We drove in a comfortable silence, basking in the warmth of the car and in the depth of the conversation we'd just had. Even though I didn't understand half of it, I had a feeling we both knew what we meant. I never thought I'd see the day I hid behind a foreign language, but it made me smile when I knew it was just for Eren. My eyes followed the other cars on the road, watching as snow flew on and off of them as they drove. Before I knew it, Eren was pulling over and getting out of the car. I got out as well and went around to his side, waiting for him to lock the doors.

"Why are we here?" I asked, already shivering in the cold.

"Central Park is magical when it snows, Levi. I wanna share the sight with you," He giggled and grabbed my hand, sending volts of heat through my arm as we ran (he ran, I was dragged) into the park. He stopped in the grand center of Central Park, The Great Lawn. I hadn't seen it since the last time I went down 79th street, but I have to say it was the most beautiful sight covered in white.

Usually, you were met with a healthy green when gazing upon the center of Central Park but today, it was as if Jack Frost had blown a kiss across the grass and graced it with an almost untouched white. The, although dead, trees were stark and black against the pure colour, causing a sharp but evocative setting. It was incredibly picturesque as if it were drawn by Levi Pinfold for one of his fairytale books. However, my eyes met with an even better sight when I looked towards my brown-haired companion.

"I told you it was pretty," Eren said smugly, smirking at me. Rolling my eyes, I remembered he and I were still holding hands. I guess he realized too, because he yanked his away and started sputtering and apologizing. I rolled my eyes  _again._

"Simple mistake, Brat." I looked at him and raised an eyebrow before smirking. "The extra warmth was welcomed, though." His ocean eyes widened greatly before it dawned on him what I'd said. His cheeks became even redder, despite being crimson from the cold.

"Uh-uh, let's, um, let's walk," He stuttered, casting his gaze downwards. I nodded at him before falling in step beside him.

We were walking aimlessly, without much of a destination. Eren and I were simply enjoying each others company as we made our way past Belvedere Lake. The snow hadn't stopped but it was coming down powerfully, it was a simple, light falling of little flakes that somehow had their tiny frozen hearts set on Eren's nose, Eren's lips, and his eyelashes. Every now and then, he'd puff and narrow his eyes, staring at his nose and causing himself to momentarily go cross-eyed as he tried to blow off a stray snowflake. The sight was unbelievably endearing and I found myself watching him. The stunning person before me certainly had my eye and, forgive me for sounding cliché but, he also had my heart. With every little hiccup or sneeze, his little puffs or happy sighs, he had me falling harder and harder and he had  _no idea._

"The lake is frozen," He stated, casting his eyes down to mine and smiling warmly.

"No shit, Genius." I replied sarcastically, shooting him a less-than-warm but equally happy smile. At my comment, he laughed and we walked over towards the frozen body of water.

"Isn't it lovely, Levi?" The ocean-eyed teen let out a white puff of air as he sighed in content.

"Yeah... It is," But I wasn't looking at the lake. The far-away, glittering look in his eyes was remarkable. I knew he loved winter, as well as snow but there was a special kind of love for the season that he'd yet to tell me about, but was evident. He was an extremely marvelous creature and I wanted to be able to stare at him for eviternity. I guess my gaze had lingered longer than I thought because he turned to look at me with that same wistful look in those eyes.

"That was smooth, real smooth." He started laughing and I had a feeling he'd made that joke to save us the conversation of what exactly was lovely to me. I didn't miss the bright pink blush that had splashed across his cheeks. I let out a short chuckle and followed him as we trekked towards the Strawberry Fields.

As we walked, I felt his gloved hand brush mine, and more than once.

_Is he purposely doing that?_

I was about to mention it when I felt his fingers slip between mine. I was stuck in an instant, both stunned and happy with his actions. I looked up at him, probably with a confused look on my face.

"You said the warmth is welcomed, right?" He chuckled and squeezed my hand. I grinned, flat out  _grinned_  at him _._ He must have been taken aback by this, because a soft gasp escaped those cherry-red lips. I softened my smile and squeezed his hand back, letting him know that I  _do_  welcome the warmth.

"Thanks, Brat."

"I really like your smile, Levi."

"Shut up and take me to the Imagine circle." He laughed and we made our way to the circle in the Strawberry fields, past the Alice In Wonderland statue. He seriously has no idea what he does to me. My heart fluttered in a way that even  _I_ thought was kind of gay and all because his fingers were laced with mine

"I wonder why they chose Alice... I think it would've been cool to do, I dunno, maybe Emily the Corpse Bride and Victor. I really like that movie,"

"Nightmare Before Christmas was better,"

"It was a good movie but Corpse Bride was a lot more sentimental... I mean, Emily exploded into this giant storm of pretty little butterflies. I love that part."

"You're such a dork."

"You love my dorkiness," He said with a smug smirk. I rolled my eyes and we continued talking about Tim Burton's movies as we let our feet take us down West Drive. I've probably said this a lot, but I'm being perfectly honest when I say that this entire place looks like a children's book. I was thinking over the last time I read Goodnight Moon when I felt Eren tugging on my hand. I gently squeezed his and looked towards where he was dragged me.

"Look, Levi! The band-shell! It's all white and pretty," He said dreamily, clutching my hand. I clutched his back with the same force and he smiled, stepping closer to me as we watched a couple sit on the floor of the band-shell. The were cuddling and watching them would have made me sick if I didn't think of how cuddling Eren would feel. I figured he had the same thoughts because of the sweet shine to his eyes. I was about to pull him away when I had a brilliant idea.

"C'mon, Eren. Let's go," I gave him a small upturn of the lips as I lead us towards my favourite place in Central Park: [The Mall](http://blog.jakerajs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Rajs_080419_9013jrprint15x22CBW_800web_WM-590x393.jpg).  
I took careful and small steps in the magnificent, intricate canopy of twigs, branches, and blackened wood, marveling in the beauty of this bucolic setting. Ever since I'd moved to New York, I had found it ugly and dreary. All of the people and pollution, how awful and grey and bleak, it all seemed to bring me down more and more. When I'd moved from my gorgeous home of Vichy in France, I hadn't wanted anything to do with the desolate, busy city of Manhattan, New York. But Kenny had changed my mind when he told me how much Maman had wanted to visit The Big Apple. I couldn't see why she would have wanted to come  _here,_  of all places to choose from but my uncle had told me all about the city in the winter. Specifically, he told me about Central Park. His sleepy, grey eyes would light up to a bright silver when he spoke of it and I know my eyes did the same. I listened as he told me of giant black trees that held hands and, in winter, they're clasped appendages with let white glitter fall from their finger tips. Being twelve, I believed him and was dying to go see it. On that day, when he finally had gotten a day off to take me, my faith had been restored in New York. It wasn't some dreary, bland place with grey men in grey business suits, it was truly magical. I suppose Eren thought the same.

"Wow," He breathed, his large eyes trying to see everything he could. I took a quick glance at him and his entire face was in an expression of awe. I gently tightened my grip on his hand and he looked down at me, grinning like a maniac.

"Levi, this is gorgeous! I didn't even know this part of the park was here! It's phenomenal!" He gushed, his smile making his cheeks squishing his shiny eyes. I nodded at him but that couldn't begin to express how I was feeling on the inside. How do explain the feeling when the object of all of your affections is in a state of astonishment because of something you did for them?

_I feel like a million bucks, but my money doesn't really feel like I do.  
_

He led me farther into the mall and I watched as his face changed again and again with every new thing he noticed. Seeing him do this was doing wonders to my emotions and I knew, right then and there, that I was wrapped around this Brat's finger. He needs a shoulder to cry on? I'll give him two. He needs an ear to hear him out? I'll give him both of mine, and maybe Hanji's. He needs a support? I'd be his pillar. He needs a hug? I'd kiss him.

_I'd kiss you, Eren Jaeger.  
_

Normally, kissing just seemed weird to me. All of this is weird to me. I never  _wanted_  to hold Petra's hand, kiss Petra's lips, or cuddle and play with Petra. I did all of those things because that's what I thought a boyfriend was supposed to do, not of my own accord. Even after I'd had sex with her, I never really wanted to snuggle and be close to her. I loved her, I really did, but now I realized that I was  _in love_  with Petra. And I think she realized that too. _  
_

Pulling me away from that kind of thinking, I heard Eren gasp. He was focused on the East Green and I let out a soft puff of breath.

"Quite a lagniappe, is it not?"

"What's a ... lan- _yap_?"

"Lagniappe," I corrected, rolling my eyes as he huffed like a child. "It's kind of like a surprise, an extra gift." He hummed in agreement.

"Hey, Levi? Are you ready to go?" Eren said tenderly, looking at me with a rather strange look on his face. I nodded and he tugged my hand forward, making it so we walked in step. We left Central Park by foot and he led me to a small café. As soon as he retracted his hand from mine, much to my dismay, and opened the door, we were hit with a blast of warm air and the scent of coffee. Eren took a big whiff of the smell and hummed appreciatively before taking my hand and leading my to a booth by the farthest window.

The café was small, but it was very homey. The walls were a warm shade of caramel brown that blended nicely with the pale yellows and beiges of the booths. The counter to order at was a soft honey colour, with a dark brown counter top. It seemed as though the entire place was meant to feel like Grandma's kitchen, what with the little vases of either red tulips or light, banana-yellow sunflowers. Quiet [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKNxeF4KMsY) played from a stereo somewhere nearby, and it sounded like Coldplay. How befitting. The windows were covered by drapes that smelled more like cinnamon than coffee but were much the same brown as a cappuccino. Bright white light filtered in through the little window, casting a glow on the oak table. To say it simply, this place wasn't half bad. If I'm honest, it was rather couthy and pretty.

"What do you want? Don't worry, I'll order it." Eren told me as he sat down in the seat across from me. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I didn't forget my wallet, Brat. Sit down. You were nice enough to invite me out today, the least I can do is buy you a damn coffee. Tell me what you want."

"N-no, that's fine. I, uh, I wanted to get it 'cause it's just a-"

"Shut up and tell me." He squeaked and the sound of it made my lips turn up slightly.

_How sweet.  
_

"Before I tell you, I wanna say that they make tea, too." I flashed him a tiny smile and a nod, signalling him that I really appreciated that tip. He remembered I love tea.

_You've gotta wife this little shit. Stop brain.  
_

"Tell me what you want, Kid, before I order you chocolate milk." He stuck out his tongue and tapped his chin with his finger, thinking about his choice.

"Medium caramel latté with whipped cream, extra sugar and a bit of cinnamon. Mina remembers me, I come here a lot so just tell her my usual. And, you know, get the chai. It's really amazing." I nodded and got up, wallet in hand. I turned back and Eren was giving my a thumbs up. Rolling my eyes, I waited in the short line and checked out their order board.

_Green tea with steamed milk? That sounds promising.  
_

As I got to the counter, a pretty girl with black hair gave me a happy grin.

"Hi! You're Levi Ackerman, right? _"  
_

_Oh, fuck. Don't do this.  
_

"Sure. I need a chai, with the green tea stuff in it. I can't pronounce that name, and Eren's usual."

"That's so cool! All my friends adore you, you know? Sorry for keeping you. Green T-Chai and Eren's usual?" I nodded at her and went back to the booth where Eren was sitting. I sat down in front of him and noticed he was drawing with what looked like a sharpie on one of the napkins.

"Why are you drawing lines on a napkin?" I asked, trying to peek at what he was doing. He covered it with his free hand and blushed a bit before answering me.

"Nothing extraordinary. Did you get the chai?"

"Yes. Don't change the subject, Brat."

"It's a drawing. I promise I'll show it to you later," He had this earnest look on his face and I found myself agreeing with him. I relaxed into the comfortable seat and watched Eren's tanned hand travel across the paper-white napkin, leaving inky black marks on it. I couldn't discern what it was, but I had a feeling it would be beautiful. Eren's shown me some of his drawings and they're quiet good, fantastic even. I was about to ask him why he suddenly wanted to draw when he whispered "finished," and stuck the napkin beside him on his seat, where I couldn't see.

"You'll see it soon, pinky swear." He grinned and I was going to protest, but then Mina had come and brought our coffee. She handed me mine first, blushing like a school girl and trying to bat her eyes. I met her gaze with a blank stare. Her blush deepened and she hurriedly handed Eren his own before practically running back into the kitchen. I watched her leave, then turned my attention back towards Eren, whose bright eyes were narrowed and his brow furrowed. He looked positively livid, the green in his eyes showing brighter than normal.

_Isn't green the colour of jealousy?  
_

"What's got your panties in a twist, Jaeger?" I cast him a bored look over the the rim of my glass and he stiffened immediately, his eyebrows shooting up and his eyes widening.

"I don't wear panties!" He huffed. "And they aren't in twisted anyway." He let his pretty ocean orbs fall towards the table and then back up, meeting mine with a renewed sense of vigor. I took another sip of the chai as he explained himself. It was pretty good, to be honest.

"She was looking at you in a strange way and I know why; because you're supposedly this huge, popular, pretty-boy icon... Like, she sees  _Levi Ackerman_ in big, bold letters instead of  _you_ ," He said with finality, giving me a perturbed look. His concern for me was endearing and knowing that it angered him to see someone looking at me like a giant sign was enough to make me smile, but I wouldn't let him get the reaction out of me. Not if I could get a better one out of him.

"Is that why your panties are twisted?" I replied, smirking as I set my glass down and examined my nails. His little laugh filled my ears afterwards.

"You would  _love_  to see that, wouldn't you, you perv?" He asked sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"Do you take credit or do I have to pay with cash?" I deadpanned. I stared in amusement as his cheeks were splashed with pink, as well as his neck and up to his ears.

_Does that blush go all the way down, or?_

"Levi!" He squealed, turning bright red and visibly surprised. His eyes were wide and screaming "what the hell," and the sight caused me to laugh shortly. He'd said my name so loudly ( _that_  could be taken wrong) several people in the café had looked over to see what the commotion was about. Eren groaned and put his head in his hands, mumbling something with my name in the mix.

"So you  _do_  take credit?" I asked, feigning interest. He looked up and shot me a glare that seemed more like a childish attempt at pouting. I smiled and he huffed through his nose, sitting up straight again. I let my eyes follow his movements as he took a sip of his overly sweetened coffee (if you could call it that).

"How much could I charge if I  _was_  a stripper or prostitute?" Eren asked jokingly, giggling as he tried to settle down. I pretended to think about it and came up with a wonderful idea.

"Your hair is longish for a boy, so that's good for pulling on during sex... You have those  _eyes,_  and I bet a lot of people would pay to see your pupils blown wide with lust. You've got adorable lips that would fit perfectly around a cock and your face is  _just_  cute enough to look good with come all over it. So you could charge more than a decent amount of money," I smirked at him when I'd said all of this, watching as he became evidently more uncomfortable with each salacious word. I have no idea where I'd suddenly gotten this much confidence, but I was glad I'd found it; seeing Eren blushing like a virgin flower was fantastic. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want Eren to be a stripper but I had a feeling he would've gotten this flushed and stuttery. It was captivating.

"I-I-I, um, I-I...  _Wow,_  Levi." His tanned face was a bright cherry-red and, to my pleasure, his pupils were a bit dilated.

"Just being honest, Kid." I teased. He took a breath and recovered, his face returning to its normal colour.

"So you think my face is cute?" He asked cheekily. I rolled my eyes and drank some more of my chai to avoid the question. It seems he knew what I was doing because he smirked as if he knew the answer already. That little grin would kill me before I knew it.

After I'd stopped with my awkward attempts at making Eren uncomfortable, we began talking about some of the most random things. It started out as the kind of clothing we thought looked best on the other and then about coffee, and so on and so forth. We had a lot of fun, if I'm honest , and I felt myself growing more and more attached to this little green-eyed teenager. With every laugh, I noticed his eyes would squish with his cheeks. His smile did the same if you'd said something silly. His lips were full and almost girly and behind them rest some white-ass teeth, like damn. I need his secret to teeth that shine like fucking diamonds. Before I knew what happened, it was six-thirty in the evening and we'd gone through six cups of coffee together. I'd finally realized this when I'd glanced outside and saw that the city had come to life, with the shining illuminations of buildings glowing through the dark of night.

"Woah, we've been out for almost seven hours." He looked at me with an disbelieving expression before he grinned and started getting his things together. Although I was a bit down that our time was coming to a close, I was extremely happy with the outcome. I'd spent so much time getting to know Eren and now I felt as if I could call him more than a friend, I  _should_  call him something more. Ugh.

I got my coat back and watched as Eren struggled with his zipper. He laughed when he finally got himself situation and we took the same path through Central Park to get to his Jeep. I was thankful when we got in, I can't take that much of the cold without getting  _very_  pissy.

He started up the vehicle and gave me a grin, the same grin that could melt Antarctica with how warm and tender it was.  
"This was really great, Levi." He stated as we began driving back to my place. I was silently praying there was a little traffic up ahead and, much to my happiness, there was. I grunted a response and fucked with the radio dial. He "hmph'ed" at the sign of traffic but I didn't miss the little glint in his eyes.

_More time with the main hoe._

"Levi, will you tell me something really pretty in French?"

_But the name Eren isn't French.  
_

"Sure, whaddya want?"

"Tell me I'm beautiful," He stated, flipping his hair to add the truth to his demand. I rolled my eyes.

"Vous êtes splendide."

"You're so sweet," He fake gushed, putting a hand over his heart. His cute little charade ended after I'd said at least eight different compliments in French. After having been requested to say "Eren is fucking amazing and totally sexy." I decided to quit and have him say something to me.

"Use German on me, Brat."

"Really? Hm... Okay. Ich mag Sie, Levi." He giggled and I felt myself smile again.

_This kid.  
_

After a moment more of driving and jokes, we arrived at my house. I was preparing to just thank him, get out, and go inside but I was pulled on the sleeve by a tanned hand.

"Wait, before you go." I looked at him expectantly, watching as he rummaged through his pockets and pulled out what seemed like a napkin.

"I, uhm, Well... Since you played for me, I figured I'd do something for you too." He handed me the little folded napkin and I recognized it as the same one from the café. I peered at him through inquisitive eyes and was only met with a benevolent smile and soft eyes. I opened it while sitting in the seat, surrounded by the heat and leather in his car. My eyes were met with an intricately drawn flower, with little dots surrounding it to resemble snow. It was absolutely incredible; every little line and stroke of his sharpie suddenly made sense when I stared at his drawing.

_His drawing... His drawing for me.  
_

I'd honestly forgotten about what he'd been doing in the coffee shoppe but now that I'd seen the finished product, I was slightly overwhelmed. Why would he do something like this for me? What have I done to deserve someone this...  _perfect_? These thoughts made my heart start soaring. I had a million things running through my mind, then I remembered I should probably respond to what Eren had said.

"Eren," I said, looking up at him. He met my gaze _,_  then looked down as if he was trying to hide the smile on his face. He was obviously blushing.

"I thought you'd like it and I guess I was right," He chuckled, letting his eyes meet mine once more. "I'll see you soon, right, Levi?"

"Soon enough, Brat."

A smile that could only be described as  _damn_  made me feel butterflies in my stomach.

"Thank you, Levi, for a wonderful day."

"Tch, little shit. Goodnight." With that, I got out of his Jeep and watched him drive off.

_No. Thank you, Eren. So, so much._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me if my foreign langauges aren't exact! It's been awhile. xc
> 
> Translations (French):
> 
> Maman - Mom
> 
> Père - Father
> 
> ma douce neveu - my sweet nephew
> 
> Oui - yes
> 
> Qu'il est doux, vous pensez que je suis contre il! - How sweet, you think I'm against it!
> 
> mon neveu chéri - darling nephew
> 
> Neveu! J'etais votre déroutant petit ami pour les cinq dernières minutes et cette merde est hilarant! Venez faire ce cutie avant que je commence le blasphème cracher - Nephew! I was confusing your boyfriend for the last five minutes and this shit is hilarious! Come this cutie before I start spitting blasphemy
> 
> Kenny, Eren est pas mon petit ami - Kenny, Eren is not my boyfriend
> 
> C'est mignon - It's cute!
> 
> Vous voulez que je parle sale à vous en français - You want me to talk dirty to you in French
> 
> Trou du cul - asshole
> 
> mon cher, mon amour, ma chérie - my dear, my love, my darling
> 
> Mon garçon aux yeux lumineux, vous me rendre sans voix - Boy with bright eyes, you make me speechless
> 
> Vous êtes splendide - You are beautiful
> 
>  
> 
> Translations (German):
> 
> Sie sagten etwas schmutzig, nicht wahr - You said something dirty, right?
> 
> arschloch - asshole
> 
> Ich weiß nicht was Sie gesagt haben. - I do not know what you said
> 
> Aber es bedeutet die Welt für mich. - But it means the world to me
> 
> Ich mag Sie, Levi - I like you, Levi


	12. Peripheral Vision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 12 Summary: This is a filler chapter of Eren being an absolute cutie, talking about his feelings and just chilling on his Sunday. His mind is always on Levi and we figure out some things about our lovely Grey-eyed guy. This day marks the beginning of February, if you were wondering. Eren talks about how much he enjoys Levi's company and if he thinks that they're friendship is turning into something else. He goes to Armin's to hang out and get some insight and it leads to a session of The maryjane. If you, uh, catch my drift. They smoke some pot. I'll add warnings if you don't want to read it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't condone drug use. Don't do it, unless it is specifically prescribed to YOU by a LICENSED PHYSICIAN. I'm talking that the shit you got has YOUR name on it and it also has YOUR doctor's name on it. Not your Mama, not your Daddy, no one but you. I will not be held responsible if you dolts decide to be stupid. This is purely for the sake of story-progression and character development. I apologize for sounding harsh but I love you fools too much to let you think you can smoke and do drugs and be bad kids. Enjoy~!

_Eren_

"Armin..." I breathed into the phone a small but practically permanent smile on my face. I heard him chuckle over the line, although it was faint because of the [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpS-9OcYyqk) on in my room.

"Tell me  _everything_ , Eren!" He squealed, causing me to laugh. I could feel his excitement and it was very evident in his voice. I couldn't wait to tell him everything, like he wanted. I nodded, even though he couldn't see me, and began telling him all about the "not-date," with Levi I'd had yesterday.

I wasn't shocked when I'd called him, nor when he answered the phone. Hell, I wasn't even stunned by my courage to ask him, since that was a normal part of my character, but I  _was_ almost struck dead when he agreed to meet me. I recalled fist-pumping the air several times before I'd gotten ready. I was ecstatic yesterday, I was practically bursting with joy because of how excited I was to hang out with him, just the two of us.

_Just Levi and I._

I'd made sure to look my best but not to overdo it, after all, we  _were_  just going to the park in his eyes. But, to me, this simple walk was a lot more. Sure, he and I texted and called a good bit but nothing is better than meeting face to face. I was sure I mentioned that yesterday, too. I felt my heart flutter as if one of the butterflies in my stomach had somehow made his way up there and decided to pay homage to the little red organ. The smile on my face grew at the thought of what that little butterfly would encounter.

_Sorry, little dude, for all the posters and pictures of Levi. He's moved in there, kind of permanently, as of late._

I giggled as I talked about our walk, making Armin chuckle with me as well. I told him all about our sweet conversation in the car ride, to which he laughed and teased me, telling me in German that I was a complete dork. However, when I tried to (messily) say what Levi had said, Armin grew quiet.

"What is it, Boy Genius?" I asked, slightly worried about his sudden silence.

"Try and repeat what he said for me, again." He told me, sounding quite anxious. I thought hard about how Levi had pronounced the French language and I tried my best in reciting it. Which I failed, miserably.

"Something along the lines of, 'Moan gar-sone jewel you loomy-new, voo me rondro sone vwa' or something? I'm not too sure." I laughed at how ridiculous I sounded at speaking French when my German was practically flawless.

"Mon garçon aux yeux lumineux, vous me rendre sans voix?" He questioned. I gasped and nodding, exclaiming that he sounded perfect.

"Yeah! That's it! Almost spot on!"

"Awww...!" Armin cooed, squealing in a high pitched voice. I could practically see him squeezing his pillow close and biting into it. I laughed at him and asked why he was gushing like a girl. He took a breath and could barely contain himself as he spoke.

"Eren, he said something adorable."

"What was it?"

"'Boy with bright eyes, you make me speechless,' is what he said." At that point, we were squeaking like teenage girls, gossiping and yelling about how Armin thought I was going to be wifed one day. I scowled at that.

_I'm not the wife._

_Although..._  the thought of being a house-husband  _was_  kind of adorable to me. I shook my head of those thoughts, figuring it was  _way_ too early to think about those kinds of things. I continued explaining every little detail of our day together to Armin, smiling when he would coo and gush over the affectionate happenings. From the sweet nothings said in the car to our warm goodbye, I smiled and giggled as I talked ant talked for almost two hours before Armin said he had to go. I only exchanged goodbyes with him before rolling off of my bed and onto the floor.

 _It's not such a bad thing to fall in love with me,_  I thought, grinning at the ceiling. I didn't think that a simple person would get to me this much, other than Reiner. The simple name had his picture plastered all over my eyes in an instant, much to my displeasure. His name still felt familiar in my mind but it didn't taste the same on my tongue. Although I had dated Reiner for so long, it had taken me longer to realize that there was nothing that could change the fact that he and I weren't going to get back together. I'd held on for so long, pining and trying for him as if he would suddenly reappear in my life. I was hopeless and the realization pissed me off more than it should have. He really had been a huge part of my life, of me, and thinking that had made a small smile appear on my face. If this makes me an awful person, then so be it, because I don't care; my first love was Reiner and he will always be. There is nothing that can change that, even if I found my soul-mate. He imprinted on me and I know I imprinted on him, that's how first loves work. Even so... I haven't  _given up,_ Per Se. Eren Jaeger doesn't give up. I simply came to terms with it that, hey, Reiner isn't mine. Not anymore, not now, and not ever again. Saying that a month ago would have shot a pain through my chest, but, right now, I didn't feel anything but relief. I was  _glad_  that I could finally admit that I was over Rey, happy to finally be able to say,

"I've moved on."

I have. I've moved on and now, the only thing keeping me from being happy is myself and this...  _dance._ This intricate, stepping on eggshells dance that I'd pulled Levi into. I was dancing around Levi, trying to figure out if he was interested while maintaining a beat that pleased us both. Yeah, I'm know for my boldness and utter recklessness, but I'm a fucking wuss when it comes to him.

_Why?_

I didn't get why he made me forget all about my damn pride, my courage, and my usual confidence. Thinking about this now had me smiling like a fool, and getting up to change my radio. He was, somehow, able to see right through the little flirts and teasing and compliments, weeding out what I would truly mean by a vague statement. Levi was strange, that's for sure, but I really liked it.

_I really like Levi._

I messed with my radio until I realized that there was really  _nothing_  good on. Rolling my eyes, I grabbed a hoodie and slipped it on as I went downstairs to mess with Mikasa. As I opened my door, I [listened](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQUXuQ6Zd9w) to the steady strum of a guitar. It took me a moment to register what song it was, but I caught on quickly. Upon realizing this, I smirked.

_Mom's jamming again._

I quickly hopped onto the banister of the stairs, sliding down. I jumped off near the end and belted out a guitar solo, surprising Mom but not Mikasa. They stood in the kitchen, talking about girl problems (ew) when I stared at my sister. She  _also_  caught on quickly.

"Old school rock and roll?" I asked, grinning at Mikasa. She rolled her eyes and nodded before grabbing two spoons. Mom started laughing, knowing full well what we were about to do. She went to sit down at the kitchen table, smiling and telling us to get on with the show. I let a confident smirk cross my face as I looked back towards Mikasa.

She met my gaze and gave me a small smile.

"Are you ready, Bitch?" I asked, putting on a fake announcer's voice as I stuck out my tongue at my sister. Mom glared at me for using foul language and I didn't try to hide my embarrassed blush. She also shot me a glare but nodded, holding out her spoons.

"Ready, bug."

I threw my head back, strumming an invisible guitar as Mikasa beat on the counters with her utensils.

"Generals gathered in their masses," I started, getting hit with a ladle as the black-haired girl threw it at me. I quickly picked it up and held it to my mouth, ready to sing into my "mic."

"Just like witches at black masses," I threw my head forward and let my foot start tapping. I grinned at mom and let out a fake wind-mill strum.

"Evil minds that plot destruction," I pointedly stared at Mikasa, giving her a fake evil eye. "Sorcerer of death's construction... In the fields, the bodies burning," I increased my strumming speed to math the song, laughing like a fool as Mikasa become  _way_ too into her fake drum solo.

"As the war machine keeps turning. Death and hatred to mankind," I turned around as Mikasa slammed the spoons on the counter, beginning to head-bang as her black hair flew all over the place. I followed her lead and started dancing as I faked my guitar solo.

"Poisoning their brain-washed minds... Oh, Lord, Yeah!" I screeched, letting the full part of the show come through. I completely rocked that solo, letting my hair fly almost as wildly as my sister's. All the while, Mama was smiling and grinning. I didn't noticed she had her phone out, recording us as we copied Black Sabbath. I looked up to shoot her a smile and that's when my eyes widened and I lunged for her phone.

"Mama! No! You're gonna send it to Hannes again!" I wailed, literally pleading with her. I did  _not_  want a repeat of Uncle Hannes getting one of my "performance" videos. Last time he did, he posted it on Facebook. I tried looking at Mama with a sad puppy face but she only rolled her eyes and kissed my forehead.

"No, I'm sending it to your Dad." She chuckled and ruffled my hair. I narrowed my eyes at her and stood up, ready to do something else.

"At least it wasn't your signature performance of Sweet Child O' Mine," Mikasa mentioned boredly, slipping the spoons into the kitchen drawer again. She made her way over to the radio and turned it off before Mama came and joined her to make dinner. Remembering the last time I performed Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N' Roses was hell and I groaned out loud as the pictures from back then resurfaced.

"I love that song, don't judge me." I gave Mika and Mama a pointed look.

"Eren, you were grinding on the broom," She deadpanned, crossing her arms. I groaned louder and stuck my tongue out at the two women as they laughed. They rolled their eyes almost simultaneously as I pouted before they got to working on dinner. I walked into the living room and turned on the TV, switching it to the music channel. Sitting down in Dad's chair, I flipped to the 90s station and relaxed, grabbing out my phone.

**Armin, Boy Genius: Sorry about leaving, I had to get Pops his meds.**

**Me: Totally fyn boy genius no worries**

**Armin, Boy Genius: Your grammar is atrocious. I'll brb, I've gotta shower before tomorrow. You should too, Bug.**

I rolled my eyes and decided not to reply to that. I went through my texts and responded to most of them, besides Jean's. Fuck Jean. Sitting there going through my old shit made me get nostalgic, as I traded text boxes for pictures. I went through my pictures and kept smiling. There's the one I forced Armin to take with me. The day I made Mikasa dress in drag. The night mom and I caught fireflies for the first time in six years. All of these old memories were pulling on my heart strings, in a great way. Even the pictures of Reiner I had refused to delete filled me with a feeling that I could only describe as saudade. In a sense, I was going through special moments in my past.

If I scrolled down far enough, I found the bathroom selfies I took with Mikasa and Armin when we were fourteen. I got my phone when I turned fourteen and the first dumb thing I did was take selfies, as well as drop it down the stairs. I blushed when I remembered how shocked I was and how I had cried like a child. Scrolling farther up, there were pictures of birthday parties, family outings, stupid memes, and poorly taken group photos of my friends and I. From eighth grade to tenth, I had documented simple yet meaningful events in the form of a snapshot and, if I'm honest, I was glad I had. Despite how much I wanted to delete the picture of me when Jean had drawn a dick on my forehead while I slept at Connie's sleepover, I wouldn't. No matter how badly my acne was at fifteen, how ugly my hair was at the end of ninth grade, how awkward or dumb some of these pictures were, I couldn't erase them. These were parts of my life, parts of me, and, as I scrolled up to more recent pictures (maybe I'll delete the "suggestive pose," picture I'd taken), I had a strange thought.

_Where is Levi going to fit?_

Just thinking about him made a goofy smile appear on my face. I stared down at my phone, thinking about if Levi and I would take pictures together when I heard Mama gasp. I quickly looked up to find her standing in the doorway of the living room.

"Mom?"

"This is my[ jam](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImKY6TZEyrI), Eren." She chuckled and went back into the kitchen, where I heard Mikasa singing softly with Mama. I rolled my eyes and checked the screen.

_Fade Into You? By Mazzy Star?_

I sat there and listened for a moment before deciding I liked it, nodding my head along to the beat. I grabbed my phone from my lap and thought about texting Levi but I remembered he said something about his uncle taking him somewhere, and I didn't want to disturb. I dumbly stared at the hunk of technology before putting it back down, intently listening to Mikasa and Mom's singing, as well as Mazzy's.

_You think Levi's gonna be a big part of your life from now one?_

He might be, honestly. Somehow, in a moment where I had my back turned, he found a way to get to me. Levi hadn't even tried; he simply walked into my life through the front door, as if he was meant to be there. Thinking of his "rightful" place in my life had my heart beating faster. What even is it with this guy? He tried to seem like he didn't give a shit, like he really couldn't care less. He's pretty abrasive and really rude to everyone, but, the thing is, I can see through it. I'm not the sharpest crayon in the box (I'd probably be the colour purple), but I see what he's doing. I could tell that something or someone had hurt him, had changed him in some way. He was living his life as though he were caged, as if he had something keeping him from being happy. Those rare moments where he smiled... I didn't realize how beautiful they were until now. I relaxed into my chair and looked hard at the ceiling.

_How many lives are lived estranged?_

What could have made my black-haired companion this  _closed off_? What made it where he was shielding himself from feeling anything? All this overthinking had my head hurting. Maybe it was good that I didn't know, maybe finding out was part of Levi's charm. I felt like he would eventually feel comfortable enough to tell me and that was good enough for me. I wanted Levi to tell me on his own, when he was ready. Maybe the raven-haired teen (well,  _man,_ he's eighteen) was this way  _because_  of what happened and was scared to love because of it. I shook my head and felt my phone buzz.

**Armin, Boy Genius: Okay! Everything is done and now I can finally talk to you. Wyd, Bug?**

**Me: Nm hby ?**

**Armin, Boy Genius: Same, just studying for the test Tuesday.**

**Me: lemme come ovr**

It took a moment for Armin to respond but he did, eventually, and he agreed to let me come over. I figured that Armin would know all about human behaviours, seeing as though he wanted to minor in psychology and sociology in college. It was just like him to know  _everything,_ even why people feel and act the way that they do. Maybe he could shed some light on this Levi situation and, just maybe, he can give me some pointers in actually getting him to be my boyfriend. What am I saying, Armin is a total dork when it comes to dating. I sighed, then chuckled at my best friend. A boy can dream, can't I? I went into the kitchen and told Mom where I'd be and she told me to be home soon because of school tomorrow. Agreeing, I gave Mama and Mikasa a kiss on the cheek and told them I'd eat at Armin's.

About twenty minutes later, after I'd put on a pair of faded jeans and a Hozier t-shirt, Armin arrived at my house. I slipped on another one of my jackets and gave him a quick hug before jumping into his car, happy that he hadn't turned off the heat.

"Why did you suddenly wanna come over?" Armin asked as he put the key back into the ignition, giving me a curious but delighted look. I huffed and held up a finger as I stuck my face near the heating vent.

"Need advice," I told him, fooling with the dial on the radio. He hummed and shifted into reverse, careful to avoid our mailbox (now  _that_  is a story to tell). I began explaining everything to him, including why Levi sometimes seemed hesitant to talk to me and why it seemed he was too eager at others. I confessed that I believed something happened to him and he nodded as he drove through the snow. I finally finished telling him all about my little perceptions when we were at his front door, key inside the lock.

"Hold on, let's get inside before I think  _all_ of that over," He took my hand and led me inside, stopping in the kitchen. I set my phone and jacket on the kitchen table before hopping onto one of the kitchen counters, watching as Armin flitted around like a little blonde fairy as he prepared snacks. He got out two plates and a knife and sat them on the counter as he opened the fridge and took out apple juice.

"So," He began, unscrewing the cap and pouring apple juice into two tall glasses. "What about him specifically makes you think something traumatic may or may not have happened?"

I barely took a second to think it over. "He's really...  _abrasive._ He really doesn't like people or so it seems. He enjoys being in the company of certain people and even then it kind of looks like he's on guard. I had a feeling that maybe something made him...  _emotionally detached,_ if I'm even using that the right way. I can't really explain it." I shrugged and looked down at my hands, surveying every little line or dot to distract me from delving too deeply into something I knew nothing about.

"What do you think that  _something_  is?"

"I... I don't really know. I guess it was something big but I'm not sure. I don't even know why I'm thinking about it." Armin hummed and returned to the kitchen island. He set a sandwich and a glass of apple juice in front of me, the same for himself as he sat on the island and took a sip from his glass. From my place in the chair, I stared at him and suddenly felt very small. Armin may be small and short and, in other words, absolutely adorable. He was also shy and emotional and  _very, very_ smart. At age almost nine months old, Armin was talking. At three years old, he was reading books for second graders and when he reached second grade, he was already reading the Harry Potter series. If anyone could help me figure this out, it would be Armin and I was extremely glad to have a friend like him. I gave him a gentle smile and he rolled his eyes before placing a hand the side of my face and pinching my cheek.

"I'll help you, Eren. Don't go giving me the puppy eyes and baby smile to persuade me." He chuckled and I felt myself blush; those things were not intentional. I slugged him in the knee and, after making a strange noise, he started laughing. I started laughing as well, happy to spend some time with my best friend. We had a short conversation about my arm and if I should go out for baseball soon, which I vehemently denied. After a moment or two, we wiped away our joyful tears and got out our last chuckles, much to both my dismay and pleasure. Hanging out with Armin always spun off into strange directions.

"I admit he gives off a rather standoffish vibe. He could be scared to let people get close because someone or something in his past left him high and dry when he needed them or it." He queried, taking a long sip of his juice. My eyes widened at his statement.

_That made a shitload of sense._

"You think so?" I asked. "It makes sense, it really does."

"It would be a logical explanation, yes, but logic doesn't really fit hand and hand with the heart. It could be a number of things. He could have abandonment issues or personal space issues. The human mind is pretty complex and even science doesn't completely understand it," He paused and let his thumb and forefinger pinch his chin.

"Could be a social stigma. Could be a genuine dislike of people but you're right to want to read more deeply into it." He nodded at me and I nodded back before taking a breath.

"What would cause something like that?" I looked back up at him and saw that my blonde friend's face was one of deep contemplation. His eyes were looking upwards, as if searching the air for answers. His bottom lip was caught between his teeth as his eyebrows were pressed down in concentration. Behind his giant glasses, I could see those same blue eyes shine with curiosity. If I wasn't sort of (completely) enamoured with Levi, I'd think it was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. I watched the little changes his expression would go through as he pondered over it.

"He lives with his uncle," He nodded. I nodded back and waited for him to continue. "He's got French roots, like Levi... Kenny works for a design company. Marco is shadowing there, you know." He was listing off different tidbits of information like he was presenting a powerpoint I sat there and twiddled my fingers as I waited for him to finish.

"It could be a number of things but Levi's parents aren't in the picture at all. They could've given him up for adoption, died, been druggies... Anything. But his propensity to not get too close, both physically and emotionally, is most likely stemming from his relationship with them, or lack thereof."

"Layman's terms?"

"Perhaps Levi doesn't let anyone in because he didn't have or has lost the relationship with his parents. Your parents are the first people you trust and if they suddenly leave or weren't there at all, it can make it so you don't wanna trust  _anyone._  Make sense?"

"Lots." I sat there, bewildered, and imagining all the possible scenarios that might've made Levi the way he is. It was shocking to say the least. What Armin said made a helluva lot of sense; it was almost scary how pieces began to come together. It was strange yet somehow alleviating to know that a big part of Levi's personality is something that can be explained. I don't know about you, but I need explanations to things that I deem too complicated. It was as if, suddenly, thing became clear. Levi never told me much about himself and I know why now; he couldn't allow himself to get too attached to someone because he was terrified of them leaving him. In an attempt to ward off and keep himself from making a mistake like that, he adopted a brash and repelling personality to ensure that no one could get too close. Because of this, he's distant and almost cold to the naked eye.

_But if you look a little closer..._

You'll find a beautifully, heart-wrenchingly loving young man who wants nothing more than a sense of permanence and security in a life that has been anything but.

"Armin."

"Hmm?"

"I understand  _everything._ " At that, Armin almost cried with laughter. He held his stomach and rocked back and forth, almost falling off of the counter once or twice, as he screamed and screeched with chuckles and giggles. I rolled my eyes.

"Seriously, Armin! I understand a lot more now!"

"I know, Eren. I know. Your face when you said that was priceless, though! Big eyes and open mouth, as if you discovered a cure for cancer. Oh my Goodness, priceless," He chuckled softly. I rolled my eyes and told him to fuck off, to which he just told me he loved me too.

_Blonde Bastard._

"Wanna come to my room?" He asked, getting off the counter and putting away our plates and glasses. I nodded, but not before I helped him wash up and put up the utensils. I grabbed two Cokes from the fridge and followed Armin up the stairs.

"What made you want to figure Levi out?" Armin asked. He opened the door to his [room](https://melissajbrooks.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/screenshot2012-12-12at5-00-14pm1.png) and let me go first. I walked in and looked around, trying to find  _another_  new bookshelf when I slipped and fell right onto my face. I quickly sat up and looked at what I'd fallen over, only to be shocked and find Armin staring at me like I was a murderer.

"Armin is that-"

"Yes."

"Why the fu-"

"Don't. Even. I need it,"

"You  _need_ it? Why?"

"It mellows me out... Stop asking questions and get on the bed!" He squeaked, his face turning redder and redder by the minute. I took a breath and picked up the object that I'd seen in  _many_  movies but never in person.

_Armin owns a bong. A legitimate bong. In fucking Rasta colours no less._

I examined the object as I walked towards the bed, sitting on it and furrowing my brow.

"So... You  _and_ Connie do this?" He scoffed.

"Please. So does Sasha, Annie, Ymir, Bert, and Rein-"He stopped short and his eyes widened. I waved him off, knowing exactly what he was thinking.

"I knew Rey did it. Not you, Annie, Sasha, Ymir, Bert,  _and_ Connie. Jesus Christ, you guys." I chuckled and set the glass thing down on the bed beside me, eyeing it from afar as if it was some dangerous creature. "Sucks that you didn't tell me, though." I patted the spot next to me and Armin rolled onto the bed, shrugging heedlessly.

"Didn't think you'd care or anything, since most of our friends do it. You're not mad, are you?" He looked up at me with his shiny blue eyes.

"Nah, not mad. Just...  _Woah._ My best friend is a stoner,"

"That's such a dumb term," He giggled. "I prefer Cannithusiast."

"Cannithusiast?" I laughed and put a hand on his head, ruffling his golden-hued hair.

"Cannabis plus enthusiast equals Cannithusiast." Armin leaned over and grabbed his bong, probably making sure I didn't fuck it up or anything. I looked around his room, suddenly very interested in where he keeps all his shit.

"Where do you put everything?"

"Bong is usually under my bed. The two bowls I have are under my socks in my sock drawer and I keep both my flavoured and normal papers in a hollowed out Jane Eyre book. Why do you ask?" He answered me without taking his eyes off of his utensil. I stared at him incredulously. I was a little stunned that my best friend hadn't told me he was a frequent marijuana user but it made sense. Despite only being in tenth grade, he was already taking twelfth grade science and literature and college level math and history, as well as learning basic psychology  _and_ medicine. It would probably wear out anyone to deal with that much, so it made at least a little sense that he would need something to unwind from time to time.

"Just curious, I guess. Rey always said that I didn't need to get into it and I was cool with that. It seemed dumb and stereotypical for high schoolers to try all sorts of drugs." I laid back on Armin's bed and stared at the ceiling, throwing my hands about as I talked. Armin hummed and got up, setting his tool on the dresser before pressing play on his radio.

"It really is, especially with posers. They act like it's super cool to do things like angel dust or X when that's going to really fry their brains. But in reality, what most of us and I do isn't all that bad. Ymir does it to calm her temper. I'm positive that Connie and Sasha do it because it's the only way they can look past the fact that they're "best friends" in order for them to fuck. I think Annie does it so she can act more freely around Bert, Bert does it 'cause Annie does. Even Ymir's girlfriend, Christa, has tried it once or twice but that's because they wanted to try "high sex," or something like that."

"That's weird. Anyone else you know?"

"Mika and Jean tried it and they ended up making out."

"Ew, I  _know._ Jean's kind of cute though, from the neck down." I giggled and Armin joined me as he sat back down on the bed.

"Mikasa sure likes him."

"I've realized," I started, flipping over onto my stomach and meeting Armin's eyes. "If I'm honest, I'm not  _pissed_ about it. I know he's a good guy and defends the people he cares about. Besides, I don't want to be all overbearing and crazy like Mikasa can be."

"Eren,"

"What?"

"I know we're only making small talk 'cause you wanna try it. I don't mind. I've been babysitting for Connie but he gave it to me, so I'm happy to share if you're absolutely  _sure_  you want to."

For a moment, I sat there with my mouth open, gaping like a fish in need of water. Armin could read me like a book and I seriously thought he wouldn't notice the waves of curious energy radiating through me. The truth of the matter is, he's right.

_But do I really want to go through with this?_

I stared at him for a moment, for another one, and then again. He eyes glittered with kindness, as if he was a mother that would allow me to do something foolish and would willingly coddle me if I fucked up. He gave a short nod and I sat up, taking a breath and preparing for the worst.

"Let's do it."

**{Warning: Drug Use - Skip if you want}**

"Firstly, there's some side effects. I'm not sure what you'll be like when you're fucked up, but I won't record you or anything. You might geek out, you'll probably get really hungry, you might do a lot but it's just going to relax you. Although, Bert got really excited and energized the first couple times I tried it with him." He gave me a pointed look and I nodded. He got off the bed and walked towards his bookcase, pulling out a copy of Jane Eyre. He opened it up and pulled out something square before going over to his desk and setting everything down. He opened the bottom right drawer and pulled out a Ziploc bag. I'd seen enough movies and music videos to know what the greenish shit in the bottom was.

"I'm gonna start you off with a joint. I know you've smoked a cigarette before, it's kind of like that." I nodded even though he couldn't see me. I got up and stood behind him as he sat in the computer chair and pulled out this little black cylinder that looked suspiciously like a pencil sharpener.

"This is a grinder. It's self-explanatory." He set down the black thing and picked up something else, a little paper box that seemed like it could contain pencil lead or something.

"These are papers. Wanna pick a flavour?" He smiled and I nodded, choosing something with strawberries on it. He commented on how that would be an interesting combination. Armin then put it beside the grinder before grabbing what I knew was a filter. This was a lot more complicated than I thought but, then again, everything Armin does seems complicated to me.

"That's a filter," I stated, pointing. He nodded and explained why we would need it. Apparently, it did the same thing cigarette butts did. He then grabbed the Ziploc bag and pointed to it.

"Bubblegum strain," He nodded. I giggled at the thought of it. Bubblegum? What the hell, are there other "types" like that or something.

"Bubblegum?"

"I prefer Trainwreck but you aren't ready for that," He chuckled. "Unfortunately, this isn't Indica. It's Sativa but you should be alright."

"What's the difference?"

"Less THC in Indica, which is the part of it that makes you high. Sorry about that but I was started off on something a helluva lot stronger and I was fine. You should be too, seeing as though you've smoked regularly before."

"Does Pops know you do this?" He laughed at me and turned around, raising a little blonde eyebrow at me.

"Who do you think got me into it?" We both start laughing, appalled at the idea of sweet, loving Pop getting Armin into something this weird. Armin turned up his music and went to work. He poured the weed onto his desk, picked out something that looked like a stem, before putting some of it into the grinder. As he shifted around the tool, he spun the chair around and looked at me.

"I got a half only, because I used the other half of my O last time Jean and Marco came over. Now  _that_  is a story..." He rolled his eyes and told me all about how Marco started coughing and crying after his first hit, demanding that Jean hurry up and take him home afterwards. I chuckled at that, picturing a flustered and teary-eyed Marco screaming at Jean. At the picture, I laughed harder and didn't notice that Armin had ground up the bud pretty finely and laid it out. He then proceeded to lay out a paper and put a perforated filter on the right end.

"Why the right end?"

"Old habit, it's for good luck." He smiled and folded a bit of the paper over the filter before he pinched at the green substance and gently shoved it into the paper. He packed it evenly and let me look at it. I nodded and watched him twist his thumb and forefinger over it, in an attempt to tighten it up I suppose. The entire process was particularly easy and I found that I could see myself doing it from time to time, easily and lazily. I made a mental note to ask Armin how bongs and bowls and all that wonderful shit worked. I found myself wondering how and when and even why Armin had started this. I chalked it up the many morons who made it obvious they sold it but I don't think Armin was dumb enough to buy something from someone he didn't know. There were way too many cases of people getting laced pot and almost dying or getting horribly sick. Armin must have his own dealer or maybe he grows it himself. Hm...

I was so lost in my thoughts, I'd only been shaken from them when Armin waved the joint in my face. Good to know random objects being thrusted into my face got my attention, I thought sardonically.

"Lick it," I followed his command and licked a stripe down the exposed line of paper and smiled at the slight taste of strawberry. He giggled softly before folding the damp paper strip forwards and running his thumb over it and finally twisting it.

"This, my friend, is a joint." He let me look at it for a moment before placing it under his nose and inhaling. He brightened instantly and I found myself already craving to try it. This is it, I'm going to try this shit. Just be cool about it, nothing bad will happen.

"I'll spark it up but do you want to take the first hit, me take the first, or shotgun?" I agreed with the last option and stared as my blonde friend popped out a lighter from his shirt pocket and lit it, placing the joint's opening above it. As it lit and caught fire, he placed it to his lips and took a long, slow drag. I couldn't help but wonder how long he's been doing this. He inhaled and touched his lip with his finger, signalling for me to open my mouth. I let my lips open and watched as he leaned forward, invading my personal space greatly. I almost pulled back before he opened his mouth and blew smoke down my throat. I practically fell backwards and started coughing and sputtering, my eyes swelling with water. I coughed like a middle-aged smoker and punched Armin in his stomach when he began laughing at me. He handed me my Coke and I drank half of it in one go before coughing again, glaring at Armin afterwards.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I should've warned you," He looked down and bit his lip. He looked pretty ashamed of himself so I flicked his forehead and tried speaking.

"It's f-fine," I sputtered a bit before clearing my throat. So much for staying cool. "Don't worry about it, you perv." He laughed and took another hit from the joint.

"Perv?" He asked in a tight voice before blowing an O with the smoke. I grinned at him.

"Yeah, a pervert. Thanks for almost kissing me."

"Wouldn't be the first time, Baby." He giggled gently before biting his lip during a smile. I instantly blushed at the memory of that strange night in middle school. I rolled my eyes and pushed him.

"Try again. I'm ready this time," He nodded and inhaled again, closing his eyes as if savouring the stuff. I opened my mouth a little wider and watched as leaned in close again. I closed my eyes and mentally prepared myself as he blew the smoke down my throat. I coughed a little bit at the first initial intake but I got the hang of it and felt  _amazing._ I opened my eyes and found Armin in the same place, smiling slightly. I smiled back.

_Sometimes Armin is pretty hot._

"That was intense," I took a swig of my Coke and watched Armin nod before he basically melted into the computer chair.

"You wanna pick the music and take one by yourself? I'm going to find you some snacks; you'll need it." He then bursted into a boisterous little fit of giggles before handing me the joint and walking off. I stared at the object for a moment before wrapping my lips around it and taking a hit. Afterwards, I fucked with Armin's radio until I found a Pink Floyd [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPL_SV3n7IU).

_I think this is starting to work._

I lied down on the floor and stared at Armin's ceiling, letting my mind connect the dots with the little white pieces that protruded from the roof.

_What if the dots in the ceiling are braille and it states all the history and happenings of the house. Like if the walls could talk, but instead the ceiling has eyes._

_Oh fucking shit_.

The dots, I could find out  _everything_!

My thoughts echoed throughout my head and I quickly realized that I  _needed_  to find out the secrets. I took another drag and stood up straight, climbing onto Armin's bed and reaching out to touch the dots. I almost fell off but I steadied myself and remembered that I didn't know how to read braille. Fuck it, I can try. I closed my eyes and felt all along the roof. I let out a yelp when the door opened and Armin screamed with laughter.

"E-Eren!" He laughed loudly, dropping all of the junk food he'd found, and held his stomach. "What the fuck, get do-down!" His already high-pitched laughter became almost girly and I found myself laughing too. I got off of the bed and grabbed Armin's hand.

"The dots on the ceiling are Braille and it's gonna-it's gonna...  _tell me_  the  _secrets_ of the  _house._ " I lowered my voice with each word and Armin just laughed harder. He pushed me down onto his bed and I marveled in how soft it felt. I rubbed my face into the sheets and felt woozy when Armin fell onto the bed too.

 _I could really go for some Doritos,_ I thought. I let his silky sheets continue to caress my face and leaned up to touch Armin's cheek.

"You are literally the best,  _bestest,_ friend I've ever had and I love you, Armin. I love you so much." I felt tears well in my eyes with how  _wonderful_ Armin was. He just laughed and replied, telling me that I was really fucked up. He took the joint from me before I burned a hole in his bedspread. I stuck out my tongue lazily before turning over and staring at his eyes.

"Your eyes are blue...  _So blue..._ It's like someone cut sapphires and placed them into your sockets when you were born. That's just so  _amazing... Birth is fucking amazing_ ," He giggled and nodded, waiting for me to keep going.

"What if one testicle contains girls and the other has boys? Like, my Dad's left ball was my first apartment." I was horrified with that thought and I yelled into Armin's pillow before making a disgusted face.

"Eren..." Armin whispered, dragging his hands over to my cheeks and cupping my face, causing my lips to make that dumb ass duck-face thing.

"Your eyes are all red and splotchy and they look like Christmas..." He placed a delicate kiss to my nose and began to pet me, telling me that I was a beautiful reindeer and it was the most amazing compliment I'd ever received. I couldn't believe how special I felt.

_I'm a fucking beautiful reindeer._

"I'm so pretty, Armin." I almost cried. Armin shushed me and handed me a bag of Doritos.

_Oh my God Armin can read minds._

_**{End}** _

About an hour and a half later, I was laying on the floor in a weird position with Armin's head on my stomach. I had ceased connecting the ceiling dots and I began imagining things I'd do with Levi.

"Levi is so gorgeous... I want to kiss his pretty face," I told him, stroking the sleepy boy's head.

"Mhmm..." He mumbled, nuzzling my hand.

"I wanna hug him so bad... I want to be his boyfriend, Armin. I  _want to. So. Bad_."

"Ereeen, you're in love." Armin chuckled a bit before handing me the third joint we'd rolled. I took a drag and gave it back to him.

"Armin look at the ceiling... Just, like, so many people die lying down on their bed or on a hospital bed or something else like that. They stare at the ceilings when they die and they say that the last thing you see when you die is imprinted in your eyelids  _forever. Think about how many men and women have ceilings on their eyes_."

"That just  _blew. My. Mind."_

"What do you want the last thing you see to be?"

"Say yours first." He mumbled.

"Together?"

"Yiss."

"3... 2... 1..."

"OCEAN!" We yelled in unison. We grinned at each other and Armin started laughing again. I gently pulled out a knot in his hair and took a breath, reveling in how brilliant the air smelled after my blonde friend had sprayed some Febreeze. Everything was so surreal, so stunning. Little things that I would look over and think nothing of were suddenly so  _incredible._ Armin's book collection rivaled libraries upon libraries, Armin's bed was the most comfortable thing I'd laid on in my life, Armin's hair was the softest thing I'd ever run my fingers through. Every small thing was just  _great_  and I couldn't dream of ever leaving.

"We should  _totally_  do this again," I mentioned. I felt him nod against me and I smiled to myself.

_I should try this with Levi too._

The last thing I remembered was holding Armin's hand as we went down the stairs, and  _groaning_  because we had school tomorrow. Pops had driven me home and told me to avoid letting my Mama smell me and I grinned at him; he's even looking out for the friend of his pothead grandson.

After getting home and showering, I crashed onto my bed and relaxed, thinking about everything Armin and I had talked about. I decided that I might mention it to Levi soon and get his input, maybe even get him to tell me some more about him. That night, I slept like a fucking rock in a dreamless, heavy sleep.


	13. Our Own Devices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13 Summary: Levi! Back to school on a beautiful Monday morning but Levi got there late. Very late. This seriously hasn't been his day. Can someone cue Daniel Powter's "Bad Day," please? *Awkward laughing*   
> It starts off horribly and only seems to get worse, so when our favourite Raven meets our beautiful green-eyed teen on the roof, he thinks things are really starting to look up. They decide just chat and have a little fun, to pull Levi out of his funk. Whilst talking, Eren tries to nonchalantly make conversation about something Levi views as very personal. This doesn't help his day at all. Shit seriously hits the fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not confident in this chapter, I'm sorry.

_Levi_

I collapsed on my bed, reveling in the scent of fresh linen and fabric softener. The bed was warm and so was the room, which smelled faintly like cinnamon as the heat circulated throughout the air and warmed my practically ice-covered lungs. No one was home but me, I was completely alone and the entire house was completely silent, excluding the soft [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4URaV1i14A) playing from my phone. Rhythmic tones poured into my ears but I didn't hear the lovely sounds that The Amity Affliction was making. All I was focused on was my heart thumping wildly in my chest. I felt as if something was eating away the organs in my chest; I couldn't think, I couldn't speak, I could barely breathe. I couldn't tell if I was still angry or if I was guilty, sad or shameful. If I'm honest, the confusion with how I was feeling only fueled the erratic tapping of my heart. I rolled over and stared at the ceiling or, rather,  _glared_  at the ceiling and sighed as if my entire life had disappointed me. And, right now, it truly had.

I've royally fucked up.

* * *

"Damn it, Hanji! We're going to be late!" I glared at her and she laughed it off, but not before speeding up and checking the time. Despite her chuckling, the look in her eyes were screaming with anxiety. We were slightly speeding as it was but she continued to accelerate in a pitiful attempt to get us to school quicker. She'd picked me up  _fifteen minutes late._ If we weren't in such a hurry to get to school, I would have strung her up by her guts already. She apologized several times on the ride towards TCHS but I was far beyond pissed to even fathom forgiving her. It wasn't that we were late, that happens from time to time and I've learned to just accept and forget it, but today was an  _entirely_  different story.

First off, when I woke up, I was covered in  _jizz._ I'd had  _another_  dream about Eren the night before and it pissed me off that I'd woken up sticky. Not only did I have to change, shower, and do the laundry, I hadn't realized I'd woken up  _ten minutes late_. Thinking I had enough time, I was taken aback when my clock had chimed that it was 7:24. I had to quickly throw on some random outfit, run a comb through my hair , slip on my jacket and shoes, and wash my face in the span of six minutes. Hanji almost  _always_ picked me up at 7:30 sharp so I was trying to hurriedly get all of my shit together in order to be completely ready when she stopped by my house. Like I said, she was  _always_  always here at 7:30. Thing is, I could've taken a lot longer because Hanji didn't arrive until 8:20 something. Almost an hour later than usual. When she'd finally picked me up, I wasn't mad. No, not at all. I was  _fuming_. I was pissed because I skipped breakfast, I hated my outfit, I'd missed a spot when combing my hair , I left my science notebook at home and we  _were so late._ I didn't think my day could get any worse. I was so, so wrong.

Already sporting a sour mood, I walked into my first class and completely shut down. I didn't feel like putting my mind to anything, not to mention some dumb book. I barely paid attention, writing lyrics on the desk, flicking paper balls at Eld, glaring at the other kids. Not even if my life depended on it would I pay attention and participate. I didn't want to have anything to do with this fucking Monday. I get it that Mondays suck and everyone hates them but I think I have the right to  _loathe_  today after all that's happened. When class finally ended, I was practically praising any deity my mind could think of. I got out of there as fast as possible and went to my locker, chucking everything in there and slipping on my hoodie.

_Fuck this shit._

I waited until the halls cleared and went up the stairwell in the tenth grade hall. I was silently hoping I would see Eren but I was mistaken, scowling at how just the thought of him almost brightened my mood. Why was he even on my mind?

_I shouldn't need some dude to pull me up._

I shook my head to clear it of those thoughts. I didn't need this shit right now. Slinking my way up onto the third floor of the school, I arrived at the old study hall and silently prayed that the old blue door wasn't blocked off. I smiled a bit when my eyes met with navy-blue and I opened the door, climbing onto the roof. I shoved my hands in my pockets and sat down, watching the morning sky shine grey with the signs of winter. The February air was bitter and icy, biting at my lungs and prickling my cheeks. I watched my breath form little clouds in front of me, reminding me of how I used to smoke.

_Could go for a cigarette right about now._

I went up here to clear my head, to have a breather and take a moment to get myself together. Maybe it was just me, but the past few weeks have been filled with nothing but stress and tension. I've been battling with myself, my identity, my feelings, not to mention Eren was waking up a part of me that I'd put to rest years ago. Like I said earlier, I came to this spot to right my mind but that was quickly shot down. My mind kept conjuring up images of that golden-skinned little brat and what he's been doing to me, what I've been doing to myself.

_Don't do it like this, Levi._

I thought I'd accepted who I was. I was beginning to think I could stand a chance with this new change, with this "new me." I'd had my head and heart in the right place for once but, of course,  _something_  was pulling it apart. Just when I was getting all my lines straight and ready, someone blew their breathe and scattered the ice. That someone was me.

Lately, I've been sinking. Sinking into a once bright blue sea that was now tainted with a black turmoil, drowning in what I had perceived was healthy, transparent water but was turned a sickly grey. It was like getting a hold of a crystal clear diamond, no scratches or smudges. Completely pure and as soon as I touch it, as soon as I find the strength to  _do it,_ it shatters right before my eyes. Listen to me, I sound like I'm writing some graphic novel.  _Tch._

It wasn't just today, don't get me wrong. Everyone has their fucked up days and I've learned to cope with mine but today... Today must have been some sort of breaking point. I have no idea what even happened, if I'm honest. Ever since...

_Ever since, what?_

Ever since I  _\- I paused, thinking about what I was even about to say -_ went with Eren to Central Park. We had a wonderful day, it was beautiful and a brilliant thing to do but something was nagging at me the entire day. Something kept slitting open my stomach, sticking pins and needles in my chest. I hadn't realized that what I was feeling was  _guilt._ I felt guilty for agreeing to accompany Eren, I felt awful for spending this much time with him, for letting him believe that I was comfortable, for giving him the impression that I was  _happy._ He showed me a great time but I knew, I just knew it, that I wouldn't be able to go through with liking him. Eren was either oblivious or not interested. We held hands, he drew me pictures, I've played for him on two different occasions and not including the first, but he never seemed to  _like_  me. We were parading around each other and the thought scared me.

_Why are we doing this? Why can't we just be honest with each other._

I knew I'd never get up the courage to ask. I knew, deep down, I couldn't make him happy. That's why I never took the first step. I'm fucking horrified that I can't control the outcome, that I'll end up changing and breaking the  _beautiful something_  we have.

_Yeah._

That's what he and I have, a beautiful something. Nothing is there and yet everything is there, nothing has been established and nothing ever will because I'm a goddamn chicken-shit. I ran a hand through[ my hair](https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=44838789#88594680) and let out a harsh breath.

"Fuck Mondays."

"Tell me about it," A soft voice answered. I refused to let my eyes widen or wander because I already knew who it was. My heart was already thumping madly. The green-eyed brat came and sat beside me, watching the same space in the sky that I had been. I felt his heat coming off of him in warm waves and it made me feel better. Just his presence alone calmed me down and I was internally punching the fuck out of him for being this commanding.

"How'd you know about this place?" He asked, his eyes catching mine. I refused to meet his gaze.

_I came here to think about you and here you are._

"I knew about the roof before you were even a freshman, Kid." He laughed gently and adjusted his jacket, zipping it up a little farther.

"That makes sense. Why are you up here, though?" I turned to finally look at him and my breath caught when I looked into his eyes.  
I probably won't ever admit this but I've never seen anything more stunning than those eyes. I could never pinpoint their colour because they changed every time I saw him. It was as if he were changing slides every time he blinked and a new colour with no name would appear, swirling and sparkling alongside the blues and greens of his iris. They were big and expressive, framed just perfectly by dark[ eyes lashes](https://www.fanfiction.net/docs/edit.php?docid=44838789#74330955) in his tanned-face. He cheeks were pink with cold and I wanted to lean over and kiss them to warm him up but I would never have the balls to do that. I scowled inwardly.

"Bad day."

"Same here... Can I tell you something that might cheer you up?" His smile widened and I found that I'd nodded before he even got the last word out. He blushed, and not because of the cold, before he began.

"I cleaned my room." He grinned as if waiting for me to pet his head and feed him a treat. If he had a tail, it would seriously be wagging. Even though it seemed trivial, I smiled and nodded at him. It was a delightful feeling knowing that Eren knew I loved cleanliness and cleaning, especially when the subject was dirty before.

"Not bad, Brat." I complimented, not missing the way his eyes brightened up.

"I figured talking about cleaning would make your day a little better. I don't like seeing you upset," He blushed darkened and the sight made me smile.

_Do you realize how fucking adorable you are?_

We fell into a comfortable bout of silence, watching the sky turn from grey to white and silently relishing in the warmth from the other body beside each other. I let my mind wander, thinking about just how gorgeous Eren really is. From dark hair to his dirty blue Vans, he was simply eye-catching. I had no idea who created this striking creature but I knew I'd have to personally thank them.

"Do you mind if I ask why your day has been bad?" His question caught me off guard and the sincerity in his voice was almost enough to make me come clean on the spot but I knew that if I told him I was late because I was  _wet-dreaming_ about him, I'd be in for a world of embarrassment. I felt my face heat up but it didn't show, I was sure of that. I shrugged his question off and he nodded, knowing that I wasn't ready to talk about it. It was a good dynamic that he and I had because he knew when I didn't want to answer and what a simple answer meant. He seemed to catch on quickly to my way of speaking but my "way of flirting,' (if that even existed) was a different story. I pondered over the thought of if he even knew  _how_  I was flirting.

We fell into silence again, but it was slightly more tense than I would've liked. I looked over at him and our eyes met, his face splashing with pink when we did. He looked away and I rolled my eyes before he looked back. I stared at him for a moment and let a small smile grace my lips, smiling at how childish this little game was. He positively beamed and scooted closer to me, much to my shock and slight pleasure. I was about to move away from him before he lightly placed his hand on mine. I looked to him with a slightly confused expression.

"You don't have gloves on," He said, slipping his fingers in between mine. I hummed and let him do as he pleased which ended up being a lot more than simple hand-holding. He practically molded around me, his hand on mine and his head on my shoulder. I felt my heart flutter in an absolutely non-romantic way, mind you. Despite this, I couldn't help but notice that his hair was soft on my cheek and smelled like the ocean, the scent reminding me of warm days and carefree summers. Bright suns and soft clouds filled my vision but I quickly snapped out of it when he nuzzled my neck. Tensing a bit, I hesitantly placed an arm around his shoulders, relishing in his warmth and his smell. Everything about this moment was bittersweet; the cold nipped at our hands and faces and shook us to the bones but we kept each other from shaking with the warmth we were sharing. It felt almost  _domestic._

_Don't get ahead of yourself._

"Levi?"

"Yeah, Eren?"

"What are your parents like?"

_What?_

"What?"

"What are you parents like?" Eren's eyes glowed with innocent curiosity but he had no idea just how foreign that question felt. No one had ever asked about my parents, let alone what they were like. As it was, I barely remembered  _what_  they were like other than a few precious memories. I sat there, dumbfounded, and let him stare at me for a moment before I decided I didn't want to talk about it. The question seriously caught me off guard; why does Eren want to know about my parents? I felt his eyes on me, so I shrugged and he nodded against me.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but I was just curious. You avoid talking about stuff and, I dunno... I wish you'd share sometimes." He sounded a bit exasperated but I chalked it up to the cold. I didn't answer and held him a little closer, feeling him relax against me a bit. I didn't think a moment so simple would get me both confused and elated at the same time. Frigid winds narrowly avoided us as we sat there without speaking. That was interrupted, though.

"You don't... You don't share your feelings because..." He began, sitting up to look at me. I stared into his eyes and saw something else, something  _hurt._ I watched his expression change from confused to hurt time and time again. I was curious about what he was saying.

_Why don't I share my feelings? What does he mean?_

"You don't like people and you act all cold because you don't want anyone close. Y-you don't want to be hurt and you shut people out because you're scared of getting committed-" His eyes shined with false-knowledge, as if he'd had some revelation recently.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, suddenly getting very agitated. What is this brat going on about? I don't  _act_  any way at all, and certainly not because I'm scared of commitment or whatever. What is he insinuating? Is he trying to  _figure me out_  or some shit, like all those other girls from before?

"You don't tell me things about yourself 'cause you're scared of getting hur-"

"Why would I tell you things about me?" I asked. Why would he even want to know? I don't want to whine about all my problems, I don't want the sympathy. It isn't like I wanted to give him all my secrets, I don't want to ruin this. Most of all, though, I don't want to unload all my problems on Eren. He doesn't deserve to have both my and his own problems to deal with. What the fuck is he talking about?

"Because we're friends!" He yelled, his body tensing and his eyes glowing with anger. I was slightly taken aback but my agitation grew and grew because of this angry tension between us.

"Because that's what friends do, you asshole! We're supposed to  _talk_  to each other,  _learn_  about each other!" Eren stood up and glared at me, the sight was almost too much to handle if I wasn't fucking pissed too.

Who is he to tell me why I do things? Why is suddenly acting all high and mighty, as if he knows me?

"I don't do that  _touchy feely shit_." I spat, getting to my feet and standing away from him. Although the weather was cold, my blood was boiling. With each passing minute, my heart thumped louder and louder, angry thoughts passed through my brain as easy as breathing and I didn't have it in me to stop them. Why is he being a little shit?

"Yeah," He sneered. "Yeah,  _I know._ You act like you don't have any  _damn_  feelings. You do, Mr. Deep, Dark, and Brooding. You've got a stupid fucking heart in that stupid chest and it  _beats._  You're just too much of a  _pussy_ to tell anyone how you feel. Are you  _too good_  to tell people shit? Huh? Is that it? Is Mr.  _Levi Ackerman_  too good to break down every once in a while and actually feel-"

_That's fucking it._

" _You know nothing about me,_ " I growled. His eyes flashed with what looked like regret but I was too far gone to care. He'd crossed a goddamn boundary. Just because I don't want to talk about my pathetic feelings doesn't mean I think I'm  _too good_  to do it. I thought he understood. Of all people to try and call me out on my shit, it's  _him._ Is it too "Fuck With Levi" day or is it just fun to ruin my life? Staring at him proved to only get me riled up even more, his eyes smoldering and his stance furious. I couldn't take seeing him so vexed, it was tearing at my own composure.

"I know you're a fucking PMSing little  _bitch_ whose parents didn't give a shit about him,"

I had no idea what was happening until my fist collided with his jaw. He fell instantly, clutching the spot I hit and looking stunned. I let out a breath and before I could blink, I caught his expression and knew it was filled with  _hate._ He kicked my legs out from under me, sending me to the floor, I grunted with the impact and he jumped on top of me, bringing his fist back to hit me. The fall left me breathless as well as his sudden weight but before he could punch me, I thrusted my hips upwards and sent him stumbling off of me. He landed with a groan and I kicked him in the side but he caught my foot and yanked it, letting gravity take its toll on me. As I fell (again?), I pulled him down with me and clutched his jacket collar, smashing my forehead into his. Eren blacked out for a moment before letting his fist connect with my eye.

"Fuck you," I grunted, flipping us over and pinning his wrists above his head with one of my hands.

"As if I'd let you," He barked, struggling to get out of my grip. I brought back my hand to smash those white teeth down his throat but before I could, he shifted his weight and we ended up face to face, stuck in a position where we couldn't move. Those once soft pools of teal were flaming with forest green, as if someone had lit a fire behind those gorgeous eyes but, within that glittering sea of rage was something  _else._ I stared at him and he glared back, still ready to beat the shit out of each other. I narrowed my eyes and slapped him, the sound echoing throughout the air. However hard I had hit him, it wasn't out of anger. It was out of realization, it was to get him to snap out of it.

"Fuck you, Eren. Fuck you and fuck this friendship. Get yourself together and don't let me see your face ever again," I growled halfheartedly, letting his jacket collar go and listening as his head smacked the metal roof. I stood up and dusted off my hands, watching him as he sat up on his hands and looked at me. The colours in his eyes were blue, almost a perfect baby blue and I could see both regret and sadness there. His anger was long forgotten and his expression was questioning.

_Is this it?_

Seeing that made me want to hit him.  _Hit him hard._ I wanted to knock his pretty ass out and watch as he fell limp and didn't wake up until hours had passed, when I was long gone and no where in sight. I wanted to wipe that look off of his face for thinking he could insult and abuse me like this and then trying to apologize and warm me up with that face alone. I stared at his pitiful position and shook my head, knowing that I couldn't keep this going. I suppose that single action could answer the question his face was posing. I turned to leave. I wanted to leave without looking back, I wanted to forget his stunning face and I wanted to forget this shit ever happened but my heart wouldn't allow it.

_I wanted him to hurt._

I want him to hurt for what he said, for hurting me like this. For completely crushing what I thought he had for me, for ruining all of this. I turned back and looked him dead in the eyes and, even thought I knew I'd regret it, I swallowed and said what I  _knew_ I would hurt him.

"And to think, I actually liked you."

I slammed the roof door and left him sitting there. I didn't know the severity of what I'd just done but I knew I'd done something pretty bad. I had no idea what my bitchy rant and his insensitive words would do to us. I left him there, tears swelling in those eyes, fists clenched in anguish, heart crumbling into a broken mess in the pit of his stomach. I left.

_And I didn't look back._

* * *

I carded my fingers through my hair and yanked,  _hard._ Remembering the past few hours was taking a toll on me; hurtful words and regrettable hits, both literal and figurative, were like gasoline on the fire of irritation burning within me. I was getting pissed all over again just thinking about that snot-nosed little shit. Why was I even allowing him to have this God damn influence on me? I thought I would be done with him after what he said,  _not_  letting those gorgeous green eyes fill my head. I don't want anything to do with him, nothing. Absolutely nothing for as long as I fucking live and even after that. I blew an angry breath through clenched teeth, relishing in the feel of my nails beginning to dig into my palms, leaving crescent-shaped depressions in my red-blotched skin.

_Fuck Eren.  
_

_Fuck him._

Just his name splashed red across my eyes, across my head, across my heart. I felt smothered and suffocated by a blinding  _hate._

How  _dare_ he? My parents loved me, they truly did and I loved them too. He knows  _nothing_  of who they are, who is he to tell me how they felt? I am  _not_  some PMSing little bitch, fuck that. I'm not, what the fuck.

Steadily letting my frustration grow, I didn't know my feet were treading the carpet. Before I realized, I was running. Running out of my room, running down the hallway, running  _away._ Away from my thoughts, from what Eren said, from what  _I_ said.

- _And to think, I actually liked you-_

I made a sharp turn to the music room and harshly jerked open the door, slamming it back shut as I stomped over to the piano. I haven't been this angry since -

_Since when?_

I haven't been this angry  _ever._ I only became mad when my life or a friend was threatened. Usually I just hid my feelings so deep down that I forgot they existed but now. Now I feel as if something has  _broken._ Something has  _went off._ A whirlwind of colourful emotions, ranging from a white-hot anger to inky-black despair, shattered before my eyes, under my skin, prickling at the insides of my chest. An amalgamation of my memories and self-hatred presented itself in the form of a bomb, suddenly and shockingly detonating as I made my way over to the piano bench, sitting down as the force of my feelings shook me to the core within my bones.

_Why would he do this to me?_

I stared at the piano keys and almost instantly deflated. Staring at the elegance of my favourite item in the entire world certainly had an effect on me. Nothing could get to me more than the sight of the last piece of my mother I had left, other than that God-forsaken twat Eren. I shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts and let my eyes trace the lines between the keys, wondering if I could disappear there and never leave the sanctum of my greatest love, my hardest goodbye, and my most treasured memory. To the naked eye, this was a simple piano. The piano itself, from the bench to the music rack was a pure, spotless white. Maman simply adored snow; she could go on forever about how brilliant and delicate snowflakes could be, how intricate and complex yet gracefully simple each one could be. The day Père bought Maman a piano, he made sure to make it the colour of her favourite thing. Her face when we presented it to her was priceless and I'll never forget it, for as long as I live. I sighed at the fond memory.

Although the piano was simply white, it was the one little symbol on the lid that I'd come to love the most. A week after we'd gotten our divine grand piano, I'd spilled paint on it. No, it wasn't some huge glob of black paint, it was an itty-bitty dot and, now that I think of it, it could have easily been cleaned. But, being the child I was, I knew no better. I was worried out of my mind, crying and begging Maman to forgive me after I told her what had happened. She simply smiled and grabbed a paint brush. I watched with wide eyes as she covered up the messy dot with a splendid heart. She kissed my forehead and told me that even perfect things have a flaw and, sometimes, they aren't a flaw at all. She then proceeded to smear paint on my cheek.

A small smile graced my lips as I let my eyes design a path on ebony black keys that were polished ever so slightly. They gleamed and stood out beautifully against the white beneath them. It makes sense that a piano could be so zen for me; white keys were good and lovely while the black were always knows as "accidentals," as if  _bad._ A harmonious melody with the best notes could create something  _perfect,_ something absolutely unique and yours. A flawless Yin-yang. With a single touch, I could make  _something._ I could make  _music._

_I could be happy until the music stops._

It didn't register that I was [playing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1In3WRR9uaA) until the first notes began to play. I watched as my hands continually tapped the different keys, feeling my mood sink lower and lower with every tone that caressed my ear. I have no idea what Gerard was thinking when he wrote this but when I listen to The Ghost Of You, I think of my mother. Her gentle smile and soft, black hair, her determination and strength, it was all so pleasant and unique. She saw beauty in absolutely everything; from the dirty ground to the clouds, grey with rain, it was all delightful in her eyes. Even me, the shy, short, and tiny kid with a sour attitude, was  _beautiful_  to her. I didn't understand at the time what she meant by "breath-taking," when she described me but I know now.  _I know now_. I don't think I'm attractive because of anything other than the fact that I look like Maman. We have the same ebony hair, the same charcoal-coloured eyes, the same ivory-toned skin. She was even on the short side for a woman. Père would always say that I am the spitting image of her and I  _adored_ it when he said that and even when he finished, Maman would say I have his personality.

_**At the end of the world. Or the last thing I see. You are. Never coming home, never coming home.** _

"Could I? Should I?" I sang softly, closing my eyes and trying to pretend my voice didn't crack.  _Not now, please._  "And all the things that you never ever told me."

I took a shaky breath.

"And all the smiles that are ever ever..." I poured my emotions into the music, letting myself go as my hands automatically flitted across the keys. I was hunched over my instrument, my hair literally touching the music rack as I felt a tear escape my eyes. I paused and watched the clear drop fall off of my nose and onto the blank music rack, standing out perfectly against the flawless white of the piano. Seeing it fall and watching it drop and with a final hit, falling onto my most prized possession made something snap. Tears began to pour from me as fervently as the song, ripping my chest and head to shreds of all different sizes as I tried to shakily whisper the last bit of lyrics.

_Never start a song if you can't finish it, Levi._

My resolve was crashing down around me and I could do nothing about it. I was letting go and it was physically killing me, I couldn't do this. I seriously couldn't do this. My hands trembled with every touch and the melody distorted, becoming far too passionate at points and barely audible at others. I wanted to scream, to whisper, to yell and shout and cry and break things. I wanted to torch this fucking piano and watch the last bit of Maman and Père singe and burn in front of me, as some form of closure.

_I can't do this. I want to stop, I can't though. I just can't. Maman always, always, always said to finish.  
_

_I gotta, I just gotta! I can't, I can't stop now._

_Oh, fuck._

I ripped my fingers away from the piano and slammed them back, creating a terrible noise that rang throughout the entire music room. I did it again, and again, and again. Pounding my fists into the keys and cursing like a damn sailor, screaming incoherent words as my last strip of equanimity was sliced into pieces. My composure, my resolve, it was all for nothing as I brought both arms down onto the keyboard and shrieked loudly. My eyes were blurry with oncoming tears, tears that I had no idea were slipping down my face and splattering all over my hands and clothes. I sank down to the floor, pushing the bench away from me as I curled into a little ball. I wrapped my arms protectively around myself and put my chin to my knees.

_Well, when you go._

"Why?" I choked, staring into the walls. That wasn't even staring if I'm honest. My crying had left tears streaked down my cheeks but now that I was sideways, all of them were falling into my right eye. It was steadily becoming dark outside and I wanted to wipe my face and lean against the window, watch the moon sink into the sky alone but I couldn't bring myself to move. I didn't want to do anything but lie here on this floor and think.  _I don't want to be this way_ , I thought to myself. I don't want to be this mopey, sad little ball of attitude.

I wanted to be happy for so long and nothing ever happened. I try to surround myself with loving, adoring people and I got a bunch of fakes that want in my pants. I try to isolate myself and I became the "school bad boy." I try to make  _some_  friends and, despite having those, I cannot really be happy around them. I sighed and watched the sky fade into navy blue waves, etched with black and-

Teal.

_Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay._

Teal stripes made their way across the night sky, brightening up the rapidly changing blue-black. It's like the Caribbean sea was reaching up its aquatic appendages to touch and tenderly caress the heavens, as if the two were lovers that simply couldn't be. I felt my chest ache. I curled in on myself farther, suppressing the urge to bring my hand to my pulse and check it. At the thought of my hands, I became aware of the fact that there was a slight pain to them. I didn't want to remember smashing my fists into the piano above me, so I shut my eyes and lead them to produce more tears. When I opened them back, the turquoise-teal colour to the sky had grown and, with it, bright and twinkly stars.

_And maybe when you get back._

My mind began to conjure up images of Eren. The magnificent blue-green colour set perfectly within those eyes shined almost as brightly as the stars that dotted the world above me, especially when he was smiling. Although teal was the predominant colour, I could always find freckles of gold and specks of silver with each passing blink. It was simply breath-taking, every little glance in his general direction. He commanded the attention of the eye, the head, the heart. He was, no doubt, the most attention-demanding person I've ever met and I didn't have it in me to deprive him of something he didn't know he even wanted. Eren was seriously something else. His smile was probably the thing I was delighted by most. His cheeks would squish his eyes shut when he was laughing and, despite their being closed, I knew what they looked like behind those tanned eyelids. They glittered ever so slightly and the sight was always enough to make my heart skip a beat. His lips were pink and, I imagine, soft. They would turn up and away, his mouth would hang open in a pleasant little grin as streams of laughter belted from his throat. It was positively mesmerizing.

_I'll be off to find another way._

But I wouldn't see that smile again, not for me at least. His voice wouldn't stutter as he thanked me after I complimented him anymore. His lips wouldn't split into a grin when I cracked a joke anymore. His fingers wouldn't slip in between mine when our hands brushed as we walked anymore. His playful teasing wouldn't fill my ears like music anymore. I doubt that those eyes would even look at me anymore. He wasn't going to come back to me and, if I'm honest, the thought stung. But, continuing my honesty, I don't know if that would be best for he and I. I took a shaky breath and latched tighter to my torso. We obviously had our own issues, with and without each other, that needed attending to but, damn it, I can't fix this. I can't fix Eren, or myself.

_And after all this time that you still owe._

But do I want to fix this? Do I really want all that we had, back? The constant confusion, the fucked up feelings, the awkward tension, the fucking  _sexual tension_. Do I want that to return to my life? I found myself mouthing "no," before my brain could accompany the noise to match. I can't go back to  _that._ I refuse to dwell on such trivial and brain-frying activities. Besides, does Eren even deserve my friendship? Do  _I_  deserve _his_? Do I deserve any of this? Why couldn't Petra just not like Oluo? Why does this have to be so complicated... I don't deserve this, do I?

_You're still a good-for-nothing... I don't know._

No. I deserve more than that... Why would I keep someone around that hurt me? Why would I forgive him for what he said? He knew exactly what he was saying and I wanted no God damn part of it. I ground my teeth together and felt hot tears start to well up in my eyes as anger started to tickle my insides once again. Fuck that, I don't  _want anything_  to do with that bitchy little brat. I want to be  _Levi._  I don't need some dumb ass sophomore fucking with me. I could get anyone I wanted, I could get a  _girl._ I could do all that stupid stuff with an actual female, not a fucking boy. Not  _Eren._ His name shot two different feelings through me - anger and guilt.

_So take your gloves and get out!_

That messy, unkempt hair. That hard fucking head and stubbornness. Those stupid eyebrows. Those...  _eyes._ That loud mouth that never seemed to shut up. Every little thing about him pissed me off, everything. Even the habits I had found adorable were evil and annoying now as I thought more and more about him. I clenched my fists and blew breath through my teeth, feeling my blood boiling once again. I sat up and leaned against the piano leg, prepared to strangle the next person to speak to me.

_Better get out!_

Curses spilled from my mouth as I tried to regain some calm. I shook my head to clear it of horrid thoughts but that only seemed to make me even more mad. The already tender skin of my hands was beginning to bleed as I dug my nails into it. This is practically a repeat of what I did when I first came home and the thought had me running a hand through my hair in an attempt to get my shit together. I need to shower or something. I nodded at myself and got up, but not before hitting my head on the piano. I took one last look at my instrument and apologized, not to the object itself, but to Maman, to Père.

_While you can._

I slowly got up and trekked towards the door, which I also apologized to for slamming. I felt foolish for expressing remorse to an  _inanimate object_ but I couldn't be bothered. I made my way up the dark hallway, treasuring the fact that there were no lights on. That meant one of two things; Kenny was asleep or wasn't home. I was also very pleased that no one, not even the walls and paintings and pictures could see my tear-stained and red face. I didn't want any to see what I've become, how pathetic I am. I sighed and walked into the bathroom, stripping off my clothes and throwing them into the sink. I didn't want to fool with folding right now, fuck that shit. Before the water was even hot, I got in the shower and sunk to the tiled floor. I let the water hit my face and head as I tried to sort out my thoughts.

All this  _talk_  about how I wouldn't forgive Eren and I hadn't once thought of him forgiving me. I could admit I'd said some fucked up shit but it was all uncalled for when he acted as though he really knew me. He was so  _sure,_  as if the time we had known each other had opened a door and he suddenly knew all about me. Was I just a game? Did he want to be the "kid to break Levi?" If that's the case, then why did he say and do things he truly didn't need to do? He didn't have to hold my hand or compliment me or cheer me up when he knew I was having a bad day. He didn't have to do any of that and now, he won't. He's not going to do any of it, at all.

_When you go._

He's seriously not going to want to have  _anything_  to do with me. He's probably pissed, he probably trashed his room and tore down things. He always told me that when he was mad,  _he was mad._ Eren didn't have an off switch when it came to matters of the heart, I knew that from Day 1, but I'd never seen him  _angry._ He tried to keep himself in check most of the time but I knew I'd struck a nerve. Something I hadn't seen before lit up beneath those eyes and I wasn't sure, but it could've been anger. It might have been sadness but I truly doubt that. I truly, truly doubt that he would be sad and, now that he's gone, I didn't feel any better. It seems as though our fight had changed everything but the confusion between us. I wasn't sure if I should be mad or upset or okay and it was all his fault. It was  _our_  fault. I put my head in my hands and shook it slowly, shamefully admitting that everything was  _seriously fucked._

_And would you even._

I had a feeling that Eren wanted nothing to do with me anymore and it surprised me that the thought hurt so much. Hadn't I just been royally pissed? Had I not just said I wanted  _nothing to do_  with Eren anyway? Why does this sting so badly and why do I want...? Want  _what?_ Why do I want him to fight for the shit-fest he and I had?

_Turn to say._

It's because I want to feel valued, I suppose. Eren was the only person to make me truly believe that I mattered, if to no one but him. He made me happy, he did. He tried his damnedest to make me smile at every possible opportunity. He even said he loved doing that, all because he liked my smile. It wasn't anything spectacular to me but to him, it meant the world. And now, he doesn't care. He doesn't want to see my smile, I bet he wouldn't even be able to stand looking at my face. I know I can't. I didn't realize I was crying again but you couldn't really tell. I forced myself to stand up and I looked at the tiles of the shower wall, praising Kenny for keeping them so clean. Upon standing up, I became dizzy. I placed a hand on my head and steadied myself, trying not to trip in the shower. As I got myself together, I smiled sadly as I thought that my head would do the same thing around Eren. But it can't do that anymore. I can't do this anymore.  _He won't let me love him._

_I don't love you._

I sent a curled fist into the shower wall and grunted. Fuck this shit, I quit. I angrily pushed the shower stopper down and twisted the right knob, effectively cutting off the shower. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist, abandoning my clothes without much thought. Storming up to my room, I slammed my door and collapsed on my bed. I turned over on my bed and picked up my phone, switching on some [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4URaV1i14A) before getting up. It didn't register that my phone had been ringing for the last hour, I didn't even check my notifications. If only I had, I would have known who had been calling and texting me non-stop. Without a second though, I went through my drawers and pulled out a pair of boxers and a t-shirt before getting back onto the bed. Sighing, I stared up at the ceiling and began to count the dots.

Why did this have to happen? It was going so good for me, everything was beginning to change and make sense for once and it all abruptly changed. Nothing good lasts forever, especially if you're me, I guess. I feel like I'm caught in a landslide; trapped beneath boulders made of things I cannot control. I knew in the beginning that I shouldn't have gotten so close to Eren but I did. And, even thought it was wonderfully special at the start, it turned to something disgusting and hurtful. Just like everything else in my life. I took a breath and blew it out through my mouth. The same mouth that desired to kiss Eren, the same person who had fucked with heart, and the same heart that became  _foolish_  and let him in. I shook my head for the umpteenth time. Maybe if I do that hard enough and fast enough, I'll get amnesia and not remember anything.

_Like I did, yesterday._

And this is where you found me; collapsed on my bed, reveling in the scent of fresh linen and fabric softener. Curled up into myself in a bed that was warm, inside a room equally warm. Breathing in a faint cinnamon smell, I realized I was completely alone and the entire house was completely silent, excluding the soft music playing from my phone. Although the music was good and I really loved this song, all I could think about was how my heart was tapping erratically in my chest. Biting my lip, I returned to that feeling of being eaten from the inside out; I couldn't think, I couldn't speak, I could barely breathe. I couldn't tell if I was still angry or if I was guilty, sad or shameful. The outside was still the same cold, cold enough to freeze and burn your skin at the same time. My gaze hit the sheets and I wallowed in them, just as I was wallowing in my own self-pity and distress. I was feeling everything and nothing at once and I chose nothing. I pulled my blankets up to my chin and adjusted my position before taking a last look at my phone.

The name " **Cadet Eren Jaeger cx** " flashed on my call log. For a moment, I just stared. I was overcome with shock, confusion, anger, sadness, and  _exhaustion._ I didn't want to answer but I did, I really did but -

Then I pressed ignore and turned my phone off. That night, only one phrase stuck out in my mind and played continuously in my dreams, haunting me even through my unconscious state.

_"And to think, I actually liked you."_


	14. Sometimes (I Wish)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 14 Summary: After what happened with Levi, Eren's been trying to get in contact with him but he keeps getting rejected and ignored. This is him going through emotions; his anger gets the best of him and then sadness and, finally, guilt. He tries to get help from his sister and he gets a call from his Dad. Most of this chapter takes place over the course of the school week. Also, get Cow Evolution from your App Store, it's frikkin' amazing. :)
> 
> SoMo's song is his own rendition DJ Khaled's "Hold You Down." And the song by Jose Gonzalez is "Cycling Trivialities."

_Eren_

* * *

_"It's me, you know who you called. Leave a damn message- HANJI BE QUIET! Leave a message if it's important. If not, fuck off."_

I listened to his phone go to voicemail for the sixth time today. I've been calling and calling since I got out of school and he hasn't answered, not my calls, not my texts,  _nothing_. With each rejection, I was losing more hope that I could fix this shit. I even gave up earlier and watched the stars move across the late night sky (midnight, to be exact). Then My Chemical Romance comes on and I get hope, thinking it's a fucking  _sign_  or some shit and he  _still_ doesn't answer. I was getting so desperate to talk to him that my mind was making up words that sounded like Levi saying hello when I knew, in reality, he wasn't going to answer. He isn't going to answer but I'm Eren  _fucking_ Jaeger and I'm too confident, too eager to get what I want.

_Fuck you, Eren._

When I call,  _every time_  I call, I listen to his nonchalant, bored voice and feel my heart stutter out a beat that probably isn't healthy but I can't bring myself to stop. I can't bring myself to let go. I've been sitting on the roof for the past hour or so and the clock just struck two a.m., but I'm still here. I'm still waiting by the phone, hoping and praying for something that just  _isn't going to happen._  I should be inside, asleep, because it's a damn Wednesday and I need to go to school in four hours.

But I can't do that, I don't want to do that. I might miss him if I go to sleep. I might miss his call and he'll think I gave up on him and then we'll never speak again.

Plus, I  _know_ I'll dream of him. Every night for the past month, I have. I can't miss his call. I simply can't. I shook my head and sighed.

Levi probably isn't even awake, there's no chance he'll answer. Who am I kidding? It could be noon on a Saturday and he wouldn't answer, not for me. I breathed in deeply, shakily. I was so sure. I was  _so, so_  sure. I thought I'd come up to him and tell him that I knew everything, that I could feel him inside and out and be with him. I thought I was going to explain it all and he'd smile, he's genuinely smile and tell me I was right, that I was the only person to understand him. Then we'd kiss and he'd ask in that lovely voice, "Will you be mine?"

I had expected something so different. I saw him walking up to the roof and I wanted to follow him, I needed to tell him _that day._ I tried to cheer him up and we got closer, physically, than we ever had been. We were actually cuddling and then I opened my big mouth and fucked it all up. I fucked  _everything_  up. And I had so much faith in it, so much faith in this. I was imagining so many scenarios, so many good things and then -  _right when I thought I was getting somewhere_ \- we fought. We fought like men, no hair pulling or clawing but it didn't lack passion. It certainly didn't lack a damn thing, other than a reason why. I brought my hand up to the left side of my face and exhaled sharply. My jaw still ached, dully, from where he punched me. It didn't mean much, though. No matter how angrily we attacked each other, no matter who hit where or who hit harder, nothing stung worse than what he said last. The words echoed in my mind as if they'd happened yesterday.

_"And to think, I actually liked you."_

I felt my stomach start to knot up as well as my chest start aching. When he said that, my heart had stopped. A million different thoughts were running through my head and I couldn't pinpoint a single one of them. I was lost and hurt, insecure and overwhelmed. I watched him leave and I did  _nothing._ I didn't go after him, I didn't call his name, I didn't do a thing, other than sit there and let that one, horrid sentence bounce around in my ears.

He liked me. He  _really liked me._ No, he didn't mean that he liked me as a friend. He meant that... that he  _liked me._ He had a crush on me, that he thought about me, that I made him smile, I gave him butterflies. I had been that for him, I had been  _his_  without the title and now - I felt my chest tighten - now  _we're nothing._ I had fucked all of it up, I'd pissed him off, hurt him,  _fucking assumed all of that shit._ I wasn't even positive and I turned out to be  _wrong_. I had seriously misread, mishandled, and  _mis-fucking-taken_ it all. Levi was actually really right; I knew  _nothing_  about him and it was totally wrong of me to think I did. It was a dick move to go up to him, claiming I had figured him out. It was as if we'd planted a beautiful little seed together, watered and nurtured it to where it would grow big and strong and tall. And then, when it was finally starting to bloom, I had ripped it from the ground and threw it into the dirt. I destroyed something wonderful _. I destroyed us._ I felt a hot tear fall from my right eye, trickling down the side of my face. I wiped it on my hoodie sleeve and took a last look at my phone. I smiled sadly at my home screen. I remember the night that I'd gotten it, too. I had been texting Levi until three in the morning, gossiping about how we thought MCR might get back together when he asked for a picture. I wondered what he meant but I'd taken a selfie and sent it, thinking that I should've at least put on a shirt. When Levi finally responded, my head had been photo-shopped inside of a toilet bowl. In the text box, he had said, "Eren Jaeger; a little shit." I had laughed for a good ten minutes and I asked him to do it again. I'd received several photo-shopped pictures of myself, Mikasa, and Armin but what had made me smile most was the one he sent before he fell asleep.

It was a picture I had never seen before, not one that I even remember taking. We were together, as in both in the picture and it baffled me that he even had the picture. It was simple, really. I guess we were talking about something the last time we went to the park and I'd fallen asleep on his shoulder while Kenny took he and I home. I must,  _must have_ been asleep because I wouldn't have done that consciously. I blushed at the sight of it, if I'm honest, but it meant so much to me that he hadn't pushed me off or even woke me up. He had really taken and kept a picture like that and it was tugging on my heart strings. He hadn't done much to the picture, other than put flower crowns on our heads but it was beautiful nonetheless. I replied with a heart and a goodnight before I set it as my wallpaper and fell asleep. Thinking about it now had my eyes welling with tears. I wiped at my eyes and they instantly began to fall, covering my face in wet streaks as my emotions got the best of me.

_All of these truly beautiful things we did, all of these fun times and now, now it means nothing. And it's all my fault._

I buried my face in my hands and let myself cry, I let it all out and wept like a child. I didn't care. No one could see me, no one would even hear me. I wailed into my hands, which turned into fists as I punched the roof. I didn't care if I woke anyone up, I was just sad and pissed and fucking messed up, a huge Goddamn fuck up. My anger simmered down when my knuckle began to bleed, about the same time as the snow began to fall again. I slipped my hood on my head and wiped at my wet face again before sniffling. I grabbed my phone and choked back a sob when I looked at my wallpaper. I clicked onto my contact list and, after taking a moment to stare at Levi's contact photo, I pressed the button to call Levi.

"C'mon, Levi." I whispered, picking up the phone for the seventh time. "Please answer me."

First ring. Second ring. Third ring.

" _It's me, you know who you called. Leave a damn message- HANJI BE QUIET! Leave a message if it's important. If not, fuck off._ "

I watched the ceiling fan go 'round and 'round, spinning incessantly, boringly. The grey ceiling matched the grey of the fan, effectively bringing my pale mood to a darker one. The music playing in the room was low and barely audible, much to my pleasure. It was early, or late, I'm not sure what to classify three a.m. as. My eyes have been caught towards the same place since the rain started, which was Friday afternoon. Since then, I've been here in my room, sulking like the pathetic teenage boy I am.

It's been awhile since I last talked to Levi, the guy I've been pining over since I met. That beautiful young man with gun-metal grey eyes and a smile that only shone for me, he's gone now and he wasn't going to come back. It was that horrible Monday, that damn Monday that ruined absolutely everything for he and I. If Mr. Donovan had only said "no," when I asked to go to my locker, then I wouldn't have seen him. He could've even said yes, all I had to do was take a moment longer to get out into the hallway and none of it would have happened. I shouldn't have followed Levi up to the roof, I shouldn't have done any of the pitiful shit I did just to be close to him.

I could've waited for Mr. Donovan. I could've drawn something less significant in that coffee shoppe. I could've called someone else to take a walk with me. I could've made Jean get napkins that day. I could've said no to Hanji at the ring on that first day, I could've asked for that Saturday off. I could change time and reverse it all, I could still be Eren and I would still be hung up on Reiner. Or maybe I would've moved on from him, too? There are so many questions, so many instances in my life that I could change or alter in some way but would I? There's so many things I could have done that would've stopped this all from happening with Levi but, should I be given the ability, would I go back in time and change it? Would I choose to forget these special, lovely memories I've created with Levi?

_No._

No, I really wouldn't. Knowing me, I would rather suffer with the hurt. It is better to have lov-  _I paused_.

_It's-It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all._

I sighed and grabbed my phone, pressing the call button twice and listening for the same voice mail message I've been hearing since Monday afternoon.

It's been five, well,  _six_ days since I've seen his face in person, since I've heard that sexy voice, since I've felt the touch of those delicate yet demanding hands in mine. Sure, I have pictures and I have the voicemail but they aren't enough. It isn't enough to look back on what we had, I need more. I'm so Goddamn selfish that everything we did wasn't enough, that I needed to see and hear and touch him in person. After six rings, I smiled at the sound of his voice.

" _It's me, you know who you called."_

I called the guy I've wanted since we met.

" _Leave a damn message- HANJI BE QUIET!"_

I giggled at the sound of Hanji screaming for Levi to get her something to eat.

_"Leave a message if it's important."_

My smile fell almost instantly.  _Is_  this important? Do my apologies and regret mean  _anything_  to Levi? I've yet to actually leave a message, knowing in my heart that it wasn't important to explain myself. He wouldn't give a shit about whatever I say, I know it. My teeth caught my bottom lip as the last line played.

" _If not, fuck off."_

Maybe I should just fuck off. I should leave him alone, let him live his life without me. It's obvious that he wants nothing to do with me. I've done nothing but annoy him since we fought, and I'm sure he sent me straight to voicemail because he seriously didn't want to talk about me. I threw my phone off of the bed and onto my desk, watching it bounce off and into my desk chair. It hit with a dull thud and I was reminded of the equally dull thudding my heart was performing morosely in my chest. It was thumping so quietly, so slowly it almost seemed as if it wasn't there at all. I wasn't even sure I was breathing until I thought about it, causing it to become irregular and erroneous.

_What am I doing to myself?_

I rolled over onto my side and stared out my window, watching the snow plaster the glass. I let my eyes follow the paths of each snowflake, changing direction from time to time and then finally sticking somewhere close to another snowflake. When I actually realized I could be doing something productive, the entire window was covered in white. I sighed and checked the clock by my bed.

4:20

I giggled immaturely.  _It's four-twenty._ I stared at the clock, willing it to swap to four-twenty-one so I could see the change. I stared intently for one minute and gave a small smile when it did.

_What am I doing with my life?_

I watched the clock until it struck four-thirty, wasting ten minutes of my life trying to forget Levi existed. Although I knew I never could, I at least tried. Erasing that inky black hair and pale, brilliant face from my mind was proving to be hard. I kept imagining running my fingers through that hair, kissing his forehead, giving him Eskimo kisses, and normal, lips-to-lips kisses. I wanted all of those things to happen so badly, I craved to touch him and have him touch me. A simple hug always shot electricity through my body, and I wonder what a kiss would do.

I wonder what a sweet, slow and loving liplock would do to me. My thoughts began to wander as I imagined being more intimate with the raven-haired man and I didn't think I could stop myself.

What would his kisses feel like on my lips, on my face? Would he tenderly kiss the spot his right hook hit me and look at me with a sad look in his eyes? Would he leave love bites on my neck and collarbones as his lips trailed lower and lower on my body, sucking and nipping at my skin, leaving it red and wet with his kisses?

More and more sensual, romantic images flitted through my head as I closed my eyes and laid flat on my back. I let my hands leave invisible prints against my bare chest. As I ran them down my torso, I imagined that instead of tanned and warm appendages, they were pale and nimble fingers, tracing every little dip and curve of my skin. I bit my lip to stifle a contented sigh but I knew it wouldn't be heard over [SoMo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvWInWzexwk). In my head, I was alone with Levi in a dark room that was lit only by two candles. The wax ran down the candle, cooling and hardening as it left stains on the end tables on either side of us. My mind conjured up the image of his icy hands ghosting over my fire-tainted skin, touching and caressing everything they could and instantly cooling it. My breath hitched as nimble fingers brushed over a rigid pink nipple, my eyes widening slightly and then closing. My fingers tweaked and touched the hard nub, making my chest rise quicker and quicker with each hastening breath. I pinched,  _hard_ , and a let out a strangled whimper.

_"Levi..."_

_He chuckled lowly. "Do you like that?"_

As my left hand pinched and pulled at each of my nipples, my right hand roamed lower and lower. The pads of my fingers felt soft and foreign on the skin of my stomach, as if they weren't my fingers at all. In my mind, at least, they weren't. Trading dark for light and warm for frigid, I pictured Levi's digits running over my lower body like water, cold and gentle as silk. Lingering touches circled my navel and made me shiver, arching into the touch slightly. My hands became slower and slower with each descent downwards and I couldn't help but feel as if I were putting on a show for someone that wasn't there.

_"This one is for you, Lee."_

_"It better fucking be."_

Fooling with the waistband of my underwear, I felt my emotions reach a peak that could be cured with only one thing. Biting into my lower lip, I slipped my hand into my boxers and let out a shaky sigh. Coming into contact with my skin, my eyes snapped open and left me craving more. Heat was pooling in my stomach, clouding my head and glazing my once-teal eyes. Pondering over the imagined feel of Levi's hand sliding over my body, a gentle moan escaped my lips when I'd finally come in contact with my member.

_Levi._

I melted into the touch, pretending that it was Levi instead of me. I closed my eyes again and tried thinking about how he would sound, how he would feel, how he would  _taste._ Would he talk dirty, would he speak to me in French? Would he moan or groan? Grunt or even sigh in pleasure? His hands would feel soft, yet firm, just like they did when placed in mine, right?

_I bet his lips taste like dark chocolate and cherries._

"Oh,  _fuck,_ " I breathed. I slowly wrapped my hand around myself, picturing Levi over me, tilting up my chin so he could kiss me deeply as he fisted my cock and told me I was beautiful in French.

 _"Tu es belle," His lips fiercely met mine in a searing, hot kiss. It was wet, it was sloppy, but it was_  him.

Sparks danced on the inside of my skin, lighting my body like gasoline on flame, as my hand steadily pumped my cock. I let an airy sigh escape through clenched teeth as I arched into the sensation. Everything felt so hot, so  _damn_  scorching. I didn't think simple touching could get me this aroused, but that thought leaked through my ears. My mind was elsewhere. A plethora of enticing images played through the slideshow in my head but I stopped specifically on one.

_It was him. It was his mouth on mine, his eyes locked onto mine, his hands gripping and pulling at every fibre of my being._

I fisted myself faster, squeezing my eyes shut as a familiar tingling crept throughout my body. I was flushed, white as a sheet excluding the red tint to my cheeks; all my blood had run south, otherwise. I was aching for release but I was too high to stop this, I didn't want this to end so quickly. A thought quickly hit me. I continued my ministrations, pumping my red cock to a beat that I didn't know, as I stuck two fingers between my lips and started sucking them. I moaned around the digits in my mouth, letting my eyes slip closed again, as I sent them farther into my throat. I have no idea what it is about having something in my mouth, but it drives me insane.

_His hands yanked me up by my hair and I yelped, eyes shooting up to question him.  
_

_"Open your mouth, ma chérie." He purred, dragging two fingers down my jaw and lightly pecking my chin. I nodded and opened my mouth slightly, watching his movements as he sat up on his knees. He lowered his eyes and I followed them, all the way towards his pale-pink cock and I looked back at him.  
_

_"Levi?" He placed a hand on my cheek and leaned towards my ear, blowing a warm breath as he spoke.  
_

_"You want something in that sinful mouth all the time, from chewing gum to sucking your thumb to biting your lip. Let me make this oral fixation worse and," He pulled back and smirked at me, bringing his lips impossibly close to mine. He was everywhere and yet nowhere and I could feel everything, from the air circulating in the room to the ends of the duvet that had unceremoniously been pulled off of my bed. It was magical, simply devilish. I was dying to hear what he was going to say next, so much so that my cock had begun leaking onto the sheets._

_He murmured against my lips, his eyes half-lidded and shining like molten silver. "And let me wreck your mouth, Baby?"_

_I was struck - hard - by how fucking_ sexy  _that last sentence was."Fuck, Levi,"_  
 _"We're getting there,"_

A low moan filled the room, bouncing off the walls and filling my ears with just how  _desperate_  I sounded. I hastily spread my legs and released my wet fingers from my mouth, eager to build myself up higher and higher just so the crash was harder when I came back down. It's been so long since I've been filled, I wasn't surprised to find a burning sensation and slight discomfort when I prodded my hole with my index finger. I bit into my lip and slowly pushed inside, my eyes snapping open at the new feeling.

 _It really_ has  _been a while._

Scraping the inside walls of my body, I practically screamed. _Nothing_  feels this good, holy  _fuck._ I stretched myself out and slowed the pace of my hand, willing myself to calm down before I blew a load just from slipping it in past the first knuckle. I drew a sharp intake of breath when I finally had my entire finger inside, moaning with every minuscule pulse around it. It was so hot, inside and out, that I thought I might burst into flames. I quickly started pumping myself further, bucking my hips to meet my hand. I curled my finger upwards, searching for the little bundle of nerves that would bring me closer to cloud nine. My vision was blurring and my unchaste moans were turning into desperate cries with every touch. I was aware of everything yet nothing; the room was spinning and I felt like I was burning up and drowning at the same time. I curled my finger for the last time and found that special button, I cried out with Levi's name on my lips as I brushed it slightly. I continued abusing my prostate, imagining that it was Levi filling me instead of my own (now) two fingers.

My movements became erratic as I felt the spring of arousal coil tighter, biting into my skin and prickling my insides. Everything was hypersensitive,  _I can taste the heat surrounding me_.

_I can taste him._

My back arched in a way that might have been painful as I felt the last string to my composure snap. I let out a high-pitched cry as my body seized up, white ribbons of come shooting from my cock. White filled my vision, along with a myriad of stars and colours. Electricity shot through me as I hit my prostate one last time, moaning at the shock as I let myself down and took a breath. I relaxed onto my bed, completely spent and exhausted.

"Fuck," I cursed, running a hand through my damp hair. I let myself recover, reveling in the after effects of one of the hardest orgasms I'd ever experienced. My head and emotions cooled down, as well as my body. I stared at the ceiling, mindlessly connecting the dots as the snow hit harder outside. It was mind-numbing, yet thought-provoking, to hear the steady thrum of ice hitting the roof, to fill the outside with an icy cold while I lie in bed, wrapped in a warmth that I had created in the heat of a rather sensual moment. No, Eren, this isn't a sign, you audacious prick.

I hesitantly withdrew my fingers from my ass and twitched from the loss of contact, but I knew I'd have to clean up eventually. I lied there for a moment, breathing deeply, letting the blank canvas of my mind become drenched in colourful images and memories.

_Fuck._

I found the strength to move after the last of another SoMo song played and switched to something else. Slowly, I got up and tested out my legs. I didn't want to stand up and fall over, most likely breaking something. After deeming them fine, I walked a bit and grabbed a new pair of boxers and a Bon Iver t-shirt before yanking the bed covers off of my bed and throwing them into a hamper. I yawned as I picked up my boxers and a discarded shirt, putting them in with the covers. I walked over to my closet and pulled out a set of (what seemed to be) a Barney The Dinosaur blankets. Rolling my eyes, I threw them onto the bed and took a breath before deciding I didn't want to go to bed just yet. I sighed and looked towards the clock.

4:27

Damn, I missed 4:20. I chuckled quietly before checking the bedside table for my phone. Might as well play Cow Evolution until I fall asleep, I've got nothing better to do. I checked the table twice before realizing my phone wasn't there. Perplexed, I crouched down and searched under my bed and then under the end table. When I found nothing, I sat up and looked around the room as if it would start lighting up in an attempt to get my attention. What did I do with it? I thought for a moment and then it dawned on me that I had thrown it at my desk. I chose to ignore  _why_  I had thrown it as I made my way over to it and grabbed it from my desk chair.

Ignoring my home-screen, I plopped onto my bed and stared at the call log.

Nine missed calls, mostly from Armin and Mikasa. Fourteen texts, five from Armin, four from Mikasa, two from Connie, two from Sasha, and one from Marco. A snapchat from Jean.

I glared at the picture.

_Fuck Jean._

Lately, they've picked up on my sour mood. Armin and Mikasa have noticed it and they want to talk to me about it, they want to help. But I don't  _want_  to talk about it. I want to fix it and leave it be, I want to end this dumb fight. But they would get the information out of me anyway. I wasn't exactly subtle. I haven't been talking as much as I normally would have, nor have I been sleeping properly. I know I should respond. I know I should clue them in, although Mikasa and Armin have guessed that it was something to do with Levi. I just wanted all of it to either blow over, end, or get patched up and, right now, it seems like whatever it was between Levi and I was ending. I shook my head and let my misty eyes wander towards the contact photo of the last person I called. I bit into my lip and apologized mentally to Levi, for being a complete dick and calling a zillion times. I felt kind of bad for always annoying him, his ringtone is probably the last thing he wants to hear at four a.m. However, those feelings didn't last long because I had pressed call before I even knew it.

First ring. Second ring. Third ring.

_"It's me, you know who you called. Leave a damn message- HANJI BE QUIET! Leave a message if it's important. If not, fuck off."_

I sighed and clicked the end button. I sat my phone down beside me and ran my fingers through my hair. I still don't know if what I want to say is important, to him at least. He doesn't want excuses or sob stories, I know that much. I want to make it up to him, I want to fix this. I felt my eyes grow heavy as I thought about what

I could say to Levi to make this all better. Guilt has been eating away at my stomach for so long, you'd think I would've died from it. In all honesty, it really feels like that. The days are growing shorter because of the seasons changing but they seem long. Every day has dragged by since I fucked up so badly and they all seem the same now, even though each one hurt more than the last. A moment ago, I was reaching the highest peaks of my own emotions and, now, I was hitting rock-bottom.

_I just need to know how to fix this. If only I knew, I would do it. Deity knows I would. I would do it for you. For you, Levi._

I didn't feel the same as I did when I first met Levi. Then, I was confused and crushing but now... Now I'm even more confused and -  _is this a simple crush?_

It can't be. I can get over a crush, I can deal with crushes but  _\- what is this?_ I remember these feelings well, but I don't want to accept that. Not here, not now. Not while everything I tried to build up has come falling down.  _Fuck._

r buried my head in my hands and groaned. I sat there for a moment and let everything grow quiet, excluding the soft [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RknUh1LapJs). I smiled sadly; it's probably been a year since I've heard this song. José González is a wonderful artist, I remember. I lifted my eyes to stare at my PC, mindlessly wondering how and when this song had made it onto my Pandora playlist. I took a ragged breath before grabbing my phone and checking the time.

4:53

In seven minutes, it will be five a.m. I would've been awake for twenty-six hours, nine minutes, and twenty-two - make that twenty-three seconds. And counting. I blow a stream of air upwards, fluttering my bangs against my forehead as I did so. I'm tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally, I am tired. My body is exhausted from staying awake so much. My head hurts from thinking about all of this. My heart, it aches. It aches because  _I know_ I've fucked up big time. I've done something to hurt both him and myself and I have no idea how to fix it. Mama always said I was a people-pleaser when it came down to the people I truly cared about, and I suppose she is right.

_Mama._

I glanced out my window and found that the snow had stopped and that light was beginning to peak out from behind the buildings. It was morning time in New York City, it was February. A chilly, February Sunday was ahead of me and I wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted to lie in bed like I had the past weekend, the past  _week_. I just wanted this achy feeling to go away. I just want to sleep.

I took one last look out of the window before I bit into my lip in contemplation.

4:58  
I've got two minutes until Mama wakes up, and two minutes until my twenty-six hours. Two minutes until five a.m. Shaking my head, I went to grab my phone once more. Instead of calling Levi or responding to texts, I went through my pictures. I knew I was only doing it to get my mind of off what I  _wanted_  to do, but it helps to make yourself believe things. I'm one of those people. Even though my eyes were focused on several photos of my friends, family, and I, I knew exactly when it hit five a.m. And my finger was on the call button quicker than I thought was possible.

For whatever reason, I had this misconception that Levi might answer at exactly five a.m. That when he woke up, he would answer me and we'd fuss and fight, and then he'd agree to meet me somewhere. We would fight some more and then we would both feel terrible, apologize and - _finally_ \- share a first kiss. Fuck knows I'm craving that first with him. The first taste of Levi on my lips would be something forever imprinted in my mind-

First ring.

_Shit. What if he doesn't answer? Who cares, it wouldn't be different._

Second ring.

_Please, Levi. Answer, just this one time. I need this one chance, please. Fuck._

Third ring.

_He's gotta answer! C'mon, you short bastard!_

_"It's me, you know who you called."_

I called  _you_ , Levi. Not your voicemail, dammit!

" _Leave a damn message- HANJI BE QUIET!"_

Should I...? Should I leave a message for him this time? What if it isn't important? C'mon, Eren Jaeger! I took a breath.I'm Eren. I'm audacious and ballsy and I-I, I can leave a message. This  _is_ important. I gritted my teeth and stared angrily at my bedside table. This  _is_  important. I mustered up all of my courage, gathered every bit of determination and my pride and prepared to say something substantial, something fucking amazing. I can do this, I-I can do this.

" _Leave a message if it's important."_

It has to be important, I've got this. I tried to compose myself, I tried talking myself into telling Levi exactly how I felt but it all fell apart when the last bit of the message played.

 _"If not, fuck off."_  
I felt my confidence break. My minute-made plans fell through the drain and straight towards the ocean of things that don't exist. I didn't have it in me to tell him, to say what was obscenely needed. My resolve had broken in almost an instant because of four simple words. I listened as the tone beeped and I gathered whatever courage I could muster before I hung up. My heart was thumping wildly against my ribcage, threatening to crack not only itself but the bones holding it back. I felt like it would either pop out or burn up on the inside if I didn't get something,  _anything_ , out at the point. My head was spinning in a way that didn't feel healthy but, then again, my entire life hasn't been this past week. I shaky stream of air left my nose before I almost choked.

"I-I," My voice cracked in a way that made me want to cry. "I'm sorry." I choked out, hopelessly clutching the phone in a pathetic attempt to transfer my feeling tactilely, via cell phone.

The next sound is what stopped my fumbling heart and, unofficially, stopped my sad attempts at contact. The next sound broke my will in a way the shovel breaks the ice, not completely, but enough to cause a crack that ran through me harshly and jaggedly. It was the one sound I didn't want to hear, not now and not ever.

The line went dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not confident in this chapter, I'm truly sorry.


End file.
